(Closed) Gift Grabby Showers

posted 7 years ago in Pregnancy
  • poll: Is it rude to throw your own shower?

    Yes - find someone else to do it

    No - makes sense to me

    I really like polls

    Other - share below

  • Post # 78
    247 posts
    Helper bee

    @harperlynn:  I live far from my family along with a few close friends and in my area it isn’t uncommon for someone to host their own shower. Here it is seen as kind of rude to not plan your own if someone else hasn’t offered by month 6 or 7 because showers are a lot of work. 

    If you don’t have anyone nearby then I’d do it especially if it isn’t weird in your social circle. I truly believe it is impossible to have strict etiquette rules when different cultures and regions do things differently. Party hard Momma!

    Post # 79
    343 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I live far from any relative and I don’t really have a close friend here that would throw a shower for me so I have kind of accepted that I probably won’t have a baby shower. I have people I could invite but I never would Host my own shower. Just like you wouldn’t host your own bridal shower or retirement party. It is just etiquette. 

    Post # 80
    11391 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2015

    View original reply
    @harperlynn:  I think living far from family negates some of how things are supposed to be done, and yet you need tofeel connected even more because you miss family. I say go for it, and I hope you can share part of the day or a moment via video chat with family. 


    Post # 81
    1991 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    Eh I wouldn’t think its rude, but I’d probably feel a bit sorry for the mommy that ends up throwing her own shower.  I’d still come & I’d still bring a gift, but in the back of my mind I’d be thinking “this poor girl, who has to throw her own shower”.  

    Post # 82
    366 posts
    Helper bee

    I think the ‘etiquette’ part of this question boils down to the difference between a “shower” and a “party”.

    A shower is about “showering” the guest of honour with gifts to celebrate and show support of a change in someone’s life (whatever that is, engagement, wedding, baby, new home …). By definition, being invited to a shower is being invited to present a gift. Because of that, it’s seen as bad taste to arrage for yourself to be “showered”.

    But you can absolutely host your own “party” and invite your friends/family to celebrate something with you (birthdays are most common, but who’s to say it can’t apply to a pregnancy?).

    Just use the word “party” or “celebration” and not “shower” and no one can criticize you. Those who want to bring you a gift always will, regardless if you say “no presents” or not.

    Post # 83
    9126 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    What if you have a “Last Bash Before The Baby BBQ!” type party and specify “absolutely no gifts”?  That way you get the fun of a shower, and you also get to play some silly games etc, but it doesn’t look gift-grabby?

    Post # 84
    937 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I say no and I am totally and completely prepared to throw my own baby shower when I’m KU. lol. My bridal shower did not go exactly as I had hoped and if I cannot have this shower the way I want, I will probably throw a silent fit and let my mom do what she wants…. again. But I have warned her that there is a chance that I might pull rank. 

    Post # 85
    3028 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Saw this on etsy and reminded me of this thread.  I initially voted it was rude, but after seeing the whole story I think it’s a fantastic non-gift grabby idea!

    Post # 86
    886 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    @harperlynn:  I know I’m coming to this thread late, and I’m really happy you are deciding to go through with the Baby-Q idea. I just wanted to add: it really doesn’t matter what people on the internet or even what “etiquette” thinks is rude/tacky. What matters is what you and your social circle consider ok. You said the only showers you’ve been to have been hosted by the parents. Did you and your friends think that was tacky? I assume a similar circle of friends will be attending your “shower” so if they approved of the other two, there is no reason that they wouldn’t approve of, and enjoy, your’s as well. 

    Enjoy your Baby-Q/housewarming. =)

    Post # 87
    1401 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I know someone who had a ‘sip n see’ for her new baby, and it was really lovely. No mention of gifts, just a little afternoon thing where people could come by, have some tea and cake, and see the little person–I think she did it partially because a lot of the church ladies were going to come by anyway, so she thought she’d host something to let them all see the baby in one go. Several people brought gifts anyway because they wanted to, but there wasn’t a gift-opening time. I thought it was really nice.

    Post # 88
    3571 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    If no one offered, I would ask my best friend if I could pay for it and she would “host.”

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