(Closed) Gift or no gift?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@auroraborealis:  …they’re hosting a potluck reception and didn’t use the “in lieu of a gift, bring a dish” line? Seems a bit grabby to me. Any potluck invite I’ve ever seen made it clear that the dish was standing in place of a traditional present. I’d just bring the dish and a card.

Post # 4
202 posts
Helper bee

lol, I think the potluck dish covers the “cover your plate” rule in this case  😉

Post # 5
527 posts
Busy bee

Are they asking guests (e.g., you) to bring a dish, or just that their family will provide the potluck items? If it’s the first option, I agree with PP – that covers your ‘gift’. If it’s the latter, I think it seems kinda gift grabby also, but would say you are fine with your idea for a gift, IF you choose to give one. You mention this is an acquaintenace. Were you invited to the Destination Wedding also, or just the reception (which I understand might be common in the UK, but seems gift-grabby to me here in the states) … kinda like, you weren’t close enough to witness my marriage, but heck yea, you can bring me a gift!

Post # 6
9549 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Since it is pot-luck and a post-wedding reception, I don’t think you are obligated to bring a present. If you would like to do a gift card and a note, that would be nice but not strictly necessary.

Post # 7
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@JenGirl:  +1

I would say if possible bring a small gift but, on the other hand, if it’s a Destination Wedding then maybe your gift is simply your presence.

Post # 8
1063 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Do you want to give a gift? 

I think gifts should be given based on your closeness to the couple, your finances, and your feelings about gift-giving, not the type of event that is being hosted.

Post # 9
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would just bring the potluck dish and a card.  The dish usually stands in for a gift in a potluck situation.

Post # 10
3688 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I usually agree with jdhall89: , but in this case I think your gift is bringing the food to cater her post-wedding party.

Post # 11
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

That seems really odd to have a potluck AND a very expensive registry.  Assuming you’re bringing a nice dish, that should be sufficient.  If you’re really inspired, you can certainly give a card too, but it’s not required.

Post # 12
3267 posts
Sugar bee

@auroraborealis:  If you bring a dish, that IS your gift.

Though personally, I find a pot luck reception in poor taste.  The reception is a thank you to your guests for coming out to celebrate, and I don’t see you hosting yourself as particularly thankful.

I would probably not attend this event unless it was my best friend, certainly not for an acquaintance.

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