Post # 1
My sister in law is getting married in two weeks. Her (couples) bridal shower is this weekend – my husband and I were not invted. Annoying, but not a huge deal, but when what we intended to be her wedding gift was delivered today, she called my husband thanked him for the “shower gift”.
Are we now required to send her another gift, since she was under the impression our wedding gift is for her shower? Husband says yes, I say heck no. What is the etiquette on this?
Post # 3
Why were you two not invited?
Post # 4
You do not ever have to give a gift according to etiquette. That’s why they’re called gifts, not ‘required items you must absolutely buy for someone’ If I were her I wouldn’t have thought that gift was a shower gift since she didn’t invite you to the shower in the first place. That’s awfully presumptuous of her!
If you want to give her something else for the wedding then feel free, but it sounds like you were not planning to, and her misunderstanding of the gift’s intention doesn’t make any difference.
Post # 5
I’d just call her and be as sweet as can be (without being fake) and say “I spoke with Darling Husband and there was some confusion over our gift. It was for your wedding. We never received a shower invite, so sorry for the confusion!”
Post # 6
I don’t think you need to give them another gift.
What did the card on the gift say?
It seems strange she assumed it was for her shower if she didn’t even invite you.
Post # 7
Maybe she doesn’t know you weren’t invited to the shower? Otherwise why would she think it was a shower gift? I would buy another gift for the wedding- I’d rather suck it up and buy something else than have someone think I didn’t give them a gift for the wedding.
Post # 8
If you were invited to the shower then yes you would probably have to provide a shower gift as well as a wedding gift, but since you weren’t invited, a wedding gift is the only gift they should really expect 🙂
Post # 9
Who organized the shower? It’s weird that she would think its a shower gift, so maybe she assumed you were invited. Either way, I don’t think you have to get another gift. Either explain its was a wedding gift or leave it as is.
Post # 10
Next time you see her, say, “I’m so happy you liked our wedding gift to you!”
You can also add, “We didn’t want to make you have tons of gifts to take home from the wedding, so we thought sending it early would help out.” And smile 🙂
Post # 11
She told her Maid/Matron of Honor not to invite us because we aren’t local and wouldn’t have come. Um, hello, that’s what airplanes are for! I’m assuming she thought it was for the shower because of when it arrived, but had I known her shower was this wekend, I wouldn’t have sent the gift now, lol.
It was one of the more expensive gifts on their registry, so I think I will sweetly let her know there was some confusion.
Post # 12
As a bride I honestly was confused too. I had several relatives mail us gifts 6+ months before the wedding. Were they engagement presents, shower presents or wedding presents?? I had no clue!
I would just tell you SIL that since you weren’t invited to the shower, that’s a wedding present.
But… who doesn’t invite their SIL to their shower?? That’s pretty rude IMO.
Post # 13
@PinkMagnolia: The ruder part was not to invite her brother! (It is coed). I am trying not to take it personally – they don’t have the ability to travel like we do – but it does sting a little.
Anyway, I was in the opposite situation from you – I didn’t have an engagement party or bridal shower, I just assumed that all the gifts I got were wedding presents. Easy.
Post # 14
I didn’t have an engagement party or bridal shower either, but my friends still showered us with engagement gifts. Some of the cards said “happy engagement!” and came right after our engagement.
Post # 15
With it being that close to the wedding, no you do not need to give her another gift. She also should not have assumed it was a shower gift. Give her a card at the wedding and say I hope you enjoy the gift we got you. haha I’m just kidding. Don’t do that.
Post # 16
I wouldn’t be offended that you were not invited to the shower. We didn’t send invites to those out of towner because we didn’t want to seem gift grabby. If you are close then it would still have been nice to send a gift which is what she assumed but not necessary. Since this is his sister I would buy another gift.