(Closed) Gifting at Shower, Bacholerette Party, and Wedding

posted 9 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009 - St. Thomas of Villanova Church & the F.U.E.L. House

Attended the shower and brought a gift.  Attended the wedding with a card — and inside, a note that I was keeping the gift (glassware) safe at my house for the couple to pick up at their convenience (after the honeymoon). 

No gift — save dinner, drinks, etc. for the bride split among all in attendance — for the bachelorette. 

Hope this helps!

Post # 4
Member
2408 posts
Buzzing bee

actually i didn’t know you were supposed to bring a gift to the shower AND wedding until i started poking around on different wedding sites. that was definitely news to me! i’ve always just brought a gift to the shower and that was that. no one’s ever said anything otherwise.

my question always was, if you purchased a gift for the shower from the registry, what are you supposed to bring to the wedding? the only time i brought a gift to the wedding was when i didn’t send it ahead of time or didn’t attend the shower.

just go with what your group typically expects. there are some people [like my group of folks] who don’t follow the traditional wedding ettiqute at all so no one will be offended either way.

Post # 5
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2007

I don’t know what’s the real etiquette but I’ve always brought a gift to the shower and given cash at the wedding (so the B&G don’t have to load big items the day of). 

Post # 6
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I always bring a gift off the registry for the shower, then fun girly gag gifts for the bachelorette party (like some fun lingerie, gag candy gifts, etc). And for the wedding, I either do a more expensive gift off the registry or cash.

From my experience, if you are invited to the shower and the wedding, two gifts are expected. The shower gift can be just for the bride if you want it to be (or something for both of them) and the wedding gift is definitely for both of them. 

Post # 7
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee

Wow, Im glad I read this! Ive always given gifts at EVERYTHING ive gotten an invitation too… Every shower/party seems to end with the bride opening her gifts in front of everyone, so I always thought it was customary to bring a gift to all of them! The bachelorette party asks for "naughty items", the bridal shower asks for "sentimental gifts" and the actual wedding asks for "registry items". Maybe I should be rethinking this how many gifts I give…

Post # 8
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Coyaba Resort, Montego Bay

I agree – gifts for each occasion.  Something small and fun for the bachelorette party, but "regular" gifts or cash for the bridal shower and wedding.  I can’t imagine showing up empty handed at either event!

Post # 9
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I second what Magpie said.

I always bring a gift to the shower and a card with cash to the wedding. I can’t imagine showing up at either event without a gift. For the bachelorette I split dinner or drinks with everyone else, no "gift" per se. 

Post # 10
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I understood that you give a gift at the shower and at the wedding.  For bachelorettes I usually just get something small- like a coursage for the bride to wear while we’re partying.

OK- according to Emily Post:
http://www.emilypost.com/newsroom/newsletters/fall06.htm

  Hands down, the most asked question this summer was: “If I bring a gift to the shower, do I have to bring a gift to the wedding?”

Our answer: These are two separate events that require two separate gifts. Other than for workplace showers, shower guests are also wedding guests. If you attend a shower, you should bring a gift. If you do not attend, you may choose whether to send a gift or not. If you attend multiple showers, you only need to bring a gift to one; you may certainly bring gifts to the other showers, but a card for the honoree is fine, too.

As for the wedding, you should send the bride and groom a wedding gift whether you attend the wedding or not. Gifts are usually sent to the bride after the wedding invitation is received and before the wedding. After the wedding, gifts are sent to the home of the bride and groom. Contrary to popular belief, you do not have a year to send a gift (nor do the bride and groom have a year to thank you!) Send the gift within three months of the wedding. If you receive a wedding announcement, you may choose to send a gift or not, but it is considerate to send a note or card with your best wishes.

Post # 11
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I always thought it was tacky and selfish to expect gifts from all of those things. We’re supposed to come and celebrate love and marriage, not greed. If someone gives you a gift at the shower they shouldnt be expected to give you a gift at the wedding too. Maybe its my blue collar roots but I dont think people have money to shell out gift after gift especially since it costs so much to even attend a wedding (along with bridal shower and bachellorette) these days. But thats just my opinion.

Post # 12
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think different regions and cultures vary. In my family and circle of friends, we typically do registry gifts for the shower, split costs of the bachelorette party and a small gift, then cash for the wedding. Sometimes I do something sentimental or themed for a gift for any of the events.

 

 

Post # 13
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Gifts for both for sure. 

Post # 14
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee

For the shower I typically bring a gift off the registry and to the wedding I give cash, (so the bride and groom don’t have to deal with loading boxes or anything like that).  For the bachelorette I usually dont’ give a gift but split the cost for the bride with the other girls in attenance.

Post # 15
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I usually order everything online from their registry so I don’t have to deal with boxes and the gift goes straight to their home. I give a gift for each event.

Post # 16
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018 - The Grand Old House, Grand Cayman

Gift for the shower(s), gift for the wedding, and pitch in for the bride’s drinks/dinner/etc. at the bachelorette party!

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