(Closed) Gifting less that what you can afford?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i think ultimately, if you dont know them that well & wont see them often, its probably fine to give $100, but, if you guys are in similar financial circles…they might be a little surprised. but to be fair, you also arent going with you husband. i feel like if he were there, you should give 250-300. so maybe compromise & give $150?

Post # 4
2200 posts
Buzzing bee

Honestly, a gift is a gift, is a gift, is a gift…. meaning- it doesn’t matter the value, people should be happy they are getting something i.e. GIFT. Gift however much you want. At the end of the day, it would only look bad on them if they feel they are entitled to more.

Post # 5
7382 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

It’s not tit for tat.  Do they have a registry?  If you give a physical gift, it may be less obvious how much you spent (especially if you use a coupon or get the gift on sale or at a store that is cheaper than the registry store).

I prefer physical gifts for people I’m not super close to for that very reason.

Post # 6
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I get physical gifts for that reason.  It is also fine to give less than you can afford.  Technically, I can afford to give someone my entire savings account and still have a salary to tide me over…but I don’t do it.

Post # 7
2623 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think you should give what you want. It shouldn’t be this tit for tat thing, or her parents paid, who cares about that, just give what comfotable and make sense for you.

Post # 8
1875 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Gift what ever you feel comfortable giving.  If that’s only $100, then I think that’s perfectly fine.  Gifts are not tit for tat.  If you feel really bad, then maybe give something small from their registry as well or another physical gift that’s off registry.


Post # 9
12293 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Are your parents going?  Can you do a combined gift as well?  Personally, I think I’d probably do $200… not quite as much as them, but still quite generous imo.

Post # 10
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I don’t know if this is an option, but could you combine your gift with your parents’ gift to them as one whole gift as well?

Post # 11
2567 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

A gift should be given because you genuinely want to give that person or couple that specific gift and not because it’s in a particular price range. This is also the spirit in which a gift should be recieved. My current salary or standard of living has nothing to do with my gifting price range, other than allowing me a little extra generosity when I feel like being extra-generous.  Give the gift that you want to give, not the gift that you feel is “expensive enough.”  You may consider going off the registry, especially for “experience” gifts like event tickets, which may carry a price tag more in line with your desired budget but may end up being more genuinely enjoyed and appreciated by the recipient.

Post # 12
6317 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’d probably give $150 and consider that generous.

Post # 13
1390 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You do not have to give a huge gift just because you can.  

Imagine if you gave these enormous gifts to every moron who decided to tie their life to someone else?!? You’d be broke!!!

We make great money and work hard.  We enjoy Our lifestyle.  But my lifestyle doesn’t mean I am required to give exponentially.  If someone thinks I’m cheap or wish I had given more, that’s okay by me.

I would give what you feel like giving.


Post # 14
1434 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

For all the reasons you stated, it’s fine for you not to gift $300– which, in my opinion, is a lot, and it would make me uncomfortable if it came from someone I wasn’t super close with. I’m sure they’ll appreciate anything you give. I’m attending my cousin’s wedding, who I’m not really close with, and her parents were very generous (with physical gifts) for my wedding– but she and her fiance didn’t even give us a card. I didn’t want an actualy gift from them, but a card would have been really appreciated. My husband goes by the “give similar to what you received” rule, but I can’t justify that. So, we compromised and are giving $150 to the couple. The wedding has been completely funded by the parents, so I’m not really concerned about “covering our plates.” I’m just hoping it’ll be a little extra honeymoon-fun cash. 

I also wouldn’t expect (or want) friends to give as much as older family members… we’re all saving for something at this age!!


Post # 15
30392 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

My decision is an individual decision each time I give a gift whether it is for a wedding or not. I can afford to give $500 or even $1000. Do I? NO. It is not up to me to finance the wedding, the honeymoon or anything else. I make my decision based on my relationship to the receiver, not on the fiancial health of thier family.

Post # 16
7941 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Your financial abilities should have no bearing on the gift you give. If it did then I know a lot of people that owe me a bigger wedding present!!!

I decide with each wedding/couple how much we are going to give based on our relationship with the individuals. Obviously for a distant relative we are not inclined to give as much as say our best friends. Recieving an expensive gift from these distance relatives also does not mean I am required to do the same when their time comes around. As a pp mentioned it is not tit for tat in my opinion.


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