(Closed) gifts and hair and make up

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@TypeABride2013:  Oh man, you’re going to get a TON of different (all very adament) advice on this one!

 

For me, it kind of would depend on budget: if I have alot to spread around, sure, why not pay for hair, makeup AND a present? But if your budget is limited, I do not think anyone would say anything ill about their hair and makeup being your present to them since alot of brides make gals pay for that themselves.

 

*Also, when budgeting don’t forget to factor in a tip for the hair and makeup folks 🙂

Post # 4
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Paying for hair and make-up is nice, but it’s not a gift. A gift is something that is just for the maid that has nothing to do with your wedding.

Now how much you spend on the gift is up to you and your budget. Our Wedding Party were the people who mean the world to us, who have been there through our ups and downs over the years, etc. We wanted to thank them, not just for standing up next to us, but for how awesome they have been to us for so long, and all of the great support and advice that we know they will continue to provide in the future. When we thought about it that way, we chose to be quite generous in our gifts to them. How do you adequately thank someone who got you through those dark days in order to get to that happy one?

Post # 5
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think there are a few considerations here:

(1) will they feel pressure to get hair and makeup done professionally in order to be with the group but will have a hard time affording it? 

(2) will they feel pressure to get these services because they feel uncomfortable doing it themselves, but will have a hard time affording it? 

If either of the above are true, they might want you to budget more for hair and makeup and less for the gift. 

My final decision: 

I knew that most wouldn’t be able to afford hair, but felt uncomfortable doing it themselves. I am paying a friend to do their hair.  I knew that some wanted makeup to be done, and others couldn’t afford it.  I said I’d pay the deposit on makeup (1/2) if they wanted it done since it was due months before the big day.   Those that didn’t want makeup, I am putting that cost towards alterations or shoes for them, so I’m spending an equal amount on everyone.  I keeping my gifts inexpensive.  All of this should be about $75 each.  

Post # 6
Member
7219 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@TypeABride2013:  Based on what has been said on other threads, I would not pay for hair and makeup IN LIEU OF a gift. If you can pay for those things AND give a gift, awesome. But them looking good in your wedding photos is not a present to them- it’s a present to you, kinda like when my dad bought my mom a vacumm for Christmas! If you can’t afford it all, then make hair & makeup optional for them to pay for and buy them a nice gift. The amount really depends on your budget, especially since they aren’t throwing you any parties. 

Post # 8
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Your wedding is in August. What, exactly, should they be planning for the bachelorette right now? It’s not for months! And wanting to bring an SO to the wedding is a perfectly reasonable request. And don’t blame your maids for someone else’s poor behavior. That person is an adult and should be held responsible for his/her behavior, not have it blamed on others. So far, it looks like you are the one with the issues, not your maids.

Have you planned a hangout time with your ladies where you’ve promised that there will be absolutely no wedding talk? Maybe your relationships with these ladies need some tlc that has nothing to do with wedding stuff.

Post # 9
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Don’t base generosity on their attitudes! It can be expensive and stressful to be a bridesmaid, which is why they are probably grumpy, and also why brides give thoughtful gifts!  It does NO GOOD to not give them gifts because they’re upset, because that will make them more upset, and you might lose a friend.  

Significant others:  I can totally relate with the SO issue! We don’t have the room, and the bridal party keeps getting new significant others.   I think you handled it well, given that there simply isn’t the room if you’ve already sent Save-The-Date Cards.  Our Bridal Party has been pretty understanding with this. I think the key is to understand that its disappointing for them, be super appologetic, and make an effort to get to know their SO more or ask about their SO a lot.  And appologize again and again! Cause it is super upseting to finally be a couple and not get to dance with them at a formal event! 

With the bachelorette, that will come in time! I wouldn’t worry about it! If they have already started planning at all, that means they are thinking of you 🙂 

 

Post # 12
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yeah, it can suck to have a bachelorette that isn’t 100% what you wanted because your bridesmaids were last minute.  Since, afterall, you only get 1 bachelorette.  Especially if they WANT to do it but can’t get their act together.  If it makes you feel better, my bridesmaids are on a serious budget, so we’re going to dinner and drinks before a lingerie shower at home.  I even feel bad about the lingerie thing cause ups the cost! 

Not sure if its a hotel / spa/ plane / restaurant or whatever that you need reservations for. If they don’t want to put their card down, for fear of plans changing and being charged, just ask them politely “I was thinking we’d need to make a reservation around ____.  I don’t want you guys to have to put down a card, since I know there’s a penalty if we change our minds.  Since you’ve done so much more my big day already, would you mind if I called and gave them my card just for the reservation, and we’ll work it out later?”   This could give you a reason to have your bachelorette party reserved, without accusing them of procrastination. 

If you think they are getting concerned that it will be too expensive (plane / hotel / whatever) — then let it go! It’s definitely ridiculous to expect them to throw down on an expensive bachelorette.  If its their idea, great let them handle it.  If not, that’s pretty high maitenance in my opinion, I’m sorry! 

Sounds like they aren’t planning you a surprise, if they’re mad about SOs, but keep in mind that’s a possibility! 

Post # 13
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Personally, I would offer this to your bridesmaids. I would say I am willing to pay, but if you ladies want to pay, that would be great. Some girls might hear this idea and think, no way I will just do my own hair or my own makeup. So you might have to deal with that.

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