Post # 1
Is it customary for out-of-town wedding guests to still bring/give a gift? My mom told some of her family that live in another state to not bring me and my fiance any wedding gifts since they have to travel. I wasn’t aware of that rule; I’m going to two out-of-state weddings this summer and now I’m wondering if I should still bring a gift. Is my mom wrong? Are you still supposed to give something?
Post # 2
I didn’t have a registry or expect/need gifts from anyone, but especially those who were spending money to come to my state for the wedding! I will say 90% of people still gave a gift, but to be honest after they spend money to come celebrate, I couldn’t beleive they still gave gifts, I for sure thought it was not necessary! On the flip side both of my best friends got married and I had to fly there, and I gave them both gifts.
A good mindset to take is not expect gifts from anyone (even those who don’t have to travel) and if when you go to your out-of-state wedding, if you want to give something more than a card, do so, don’t do it based on wether or not you got gifts.
Post # 3
mickeynicki : I went to two different destination weddings and did not bring a gift to either, these were overseas and each trip cost me thousands of dollars to attend.
If I were going say, a couple states over to a wedding I’d still bring a gift because that would be much more affordable, I wouldn’t have to take a bunch of time off work, etc.
I think most people do bring gifts regardless of if they have to travel or not, but for me it would depend on the situation.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t go to any wedding without a gift, even an oversees one. Not to be snarky but I would consider that really rude. A gift doesn’t have to be extravagent, even a $25 gift card to a favorite restraunt is fine IMO if your spending lots of money to travel. And with online shopping you don’t have to physically bring the gift with you could just have it mailed to the couple before/after the wedding.
Post # 5
Agree with PP. I couldn’t go to a wedding without a gift.
We had guests from all over the world & they still bought us a gift
Post # 6
I always bring a gift.
The guest list for my wedding was 90% out of towners and they all brought gifts. I definitely wouldn’t say it’s a rule or even the norm to not bring a gift if the wedding is out of town.
I think it’s odd your mom is telling people not to bring gifts. If they choose not to on their own that’s fine as no one is really required to bring a gift but not sure why your mom is getting involved at all.
Post # 7
I was raised to always bring a gift even if you travel lol
Post # 8
There is no such rule. The two are not properly related. Finances are generally more linked to the ability to attend. Gifts are of course customary and according to budget and closeness of relationship. The couple is not supposed to have any expectation of or entitlement to gifts.
Post # 9
I always bring a gift, but the value of the gift changes depending on circumstances. Fiance and I went to a wedding that was ~7 hours from home, but close to his family’s vacation home. So really, it was just gas and a couple of vacation days, and we turned the rest of the trip into a vacation (we try to get up to the area a few times a year anyhow). We gave them a “cover your plates” decent gift. The only other “destination” weddings were in my hometown, a week apart, across the country. It required us to book two pricey tickets and use up a huge chunk of our vacation time. They got a card and a much more modest gift.
Either way, I’d never show up without SOMETHING.
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!
buzzerbeater : Yeah, I’d probably still give a gift, but I might give a smaller gift if it’s a destination wedding that was a significant cost to me.
Post # 12
Is your mom paying for the wedding? If so then it’s fine that she’s telling guests not to bring a gift but if your fi and yourself are paying for the wedding then mom needs to butt out.
Post # 13
Thanks everyone! I don’t want to show up with nothing and seem rude, so I’ll definitely do a gift for both of the weddings I’m going to this summer!
lifeisbeeutiful : my mom is paying for part of it, but we’re paying for most of it ourselves. Which is why I thought it was kinda annoying that she’s telling people not to give gifts. I mean I get it, travel is expensive, but she’s told 8 people (that I know of) not to get anything.
Post # 14
futuremrs2020 : okay? Thanks for taking the time to post just to correct my grammar
Post # 15
moissamight : yea I agree if the wedding costs a lot to attend it makes sense to give less. But also where I’m from no one is giving hundreds of dollars as wedding gifts no matter what unless your really close so when I see bees saying they typically give $200 plus I’m thinking whoa. Our very best friend gave us about $250 and we thought that was a lot.