(Closed) Gifts for Destination Wedding and At Home Reception

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

If you feel weird going in empty handed bring something like a glass of wine and a card or something. I dont think its necesarry to bring another gift however.

Post # 4
2324 posts
Buzzing bee

I would take along soemthing small… inexpensive but thoughtful

Post # 5
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I agree do not show up empty handed, but make it small.

Post # 6
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013


Post # 7
5766 posts
Bee Keeper

No…you don’t need to give two gifts.

Post # 8
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I dont think you should feel onligated to bring a second gift.  But I like the idea of not going empty handed either – I know I wouldnt go empty handed.  Wine, champagne – even a nice plant/flower arrangement would be appreciated!!

Post # 9
1698 posts
Bumble bee

It can be easy to confuse hostess gifts with wedding gifts, and if you are not socially confident, it’s easy to fall into the idea that people will think you’re “cheap” if you don’t show up on the doorstep with a gift in hand. Actually, showing up gift-in-hand is not the best of manners for hostess gifts, and is at best discouraged — proper etiquette actually disallows it — for wedding gifts. To clarify:

A wedding gift is something of lasting heirloom value, usually something substantial, that you give to a couple in celebration of the fact that they are getting married. Typically it will be something to enhance their new home and the lifestyle of the new family they are creating. A wedding gift is given regardless of whether you receive an invitation and regardless of the kind of wedding that the couple are having: the only thing that affects what you give as a wedding gift or whether you give a wedding gift, is the depth of your pockets and the height of your regard for the couple.

A hostess gift is a token gift thanking your hostess for her hospitality. It is for the hostess, not necessarily for the bride and groom as they may not be hosting the party themselves. It should be something small of nominal value, in order to avoid giving the ungrateful impression that you think she wants to be compensated for her hospitality. To imply that she is counting the cost of entertaining you would be insulting to any hostess with true generous hospitable instincts (hence it is vulgar to take “covering your plate” into consideration.) Most properly hostess gifts such as wine, flowers or sweets that the hostess might consider using during the party, should be sent to her house the morning of the party; and other gifts should be sent the day after along with your bread-and-butter note. If you forget to send it early or choose to bring it with you, it should be given to the hostess discreetlly, to avoid the appearance of trying to shame other guests who might not have brought a gift.

In both cases, the gift is entirely optional (that is why it is called a “gift” and not an “entry fee”.)

So in short: no, you should not send a second wedding gift; and if you choose to bring a hostess gift it should be something subtle of nominal value.

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