TO @Saria213: Indeed that is the role of Etiquette, to make sure all the players are using the same Rule Book… and thereby everyone should know their role. Unfortunately, a lot of people nowadays think that Etiquette is stuffy, or old fashioned… or doesn’t apply.
Fair enough that is “their take”
BUT in reality, it does go a long way to smoothing over any potential landmines that a Bride & Groom might otherwise run into in the process.
This is especially true when it comes to the Bridal Party.
I’ve literally had to cut back on my viewing Bridal Party Posts here on WBee… because of the frightening stuff that happens on that Board.
The role of the Bridal Party has changed dramatically… and yet it hasn’t. It hasn’t in that Modern Day Brides still expect a lot from their nearest & dearest… Joy & Happiness – Standing up for them – Wearing Nice Outfits – Photos – Showers – Bachelorette Parties – and a Wedding Gift for the Newlyweds.
BUT in turn the Couples side of the equation to balance out all that has become very very weak. Infact I’d go so far as to say, expecting so much and giving little back in the way of respect is downright RUDE
Traditional Etiquette, and the Bridal Party was extremely well treated in exchange for the gift of time and effort they put forth for the couple, example for a Bridesmaid / Maid/Matron of Honor
Invites to all the Pre-Wedding Events – a Bride Hosted Pre Wedding Thank You Event (Bridal Luncheon etc) – all “special” items for the big day paid for (just not the dress) – Accommodations for the Weekend (usually 2 Nights) – Transportation to the Ceremony, Reception and back to the Accommodations – Invite to the Rehearsal Dinner – and an Individuallly Chosen Thank You Gift for all they’ve done for you
PLUS the consideration of them bringing a Guest known as a Plus One (for whomever they may want… Spouce, Fiance, Live In, SO, a Date… be it a regular of theirs or someone just for the occasion. Infact if they can’t find a date or don’t want to, they would just as be welcome to bring their Brother, Sister or Mother along. Whomever they’d like to spend the Weekend with for the “downtime” when they aren’t busy with the Wedding itself). AND their Guest would of course be welcome at all the Wedding Events… such as the Rehearsal Dinner – Wedding – Next Day Brunch etc.
Sadly tho, this trend towards the more polite treatment of the Bridal Party is disappearing… (no wonder there are soooo many BRIDEZILLA / BRIDESMAIDS IN REVOLT posts here on WBee)
I feel really really sad now for someone who volunteers to be in the Bridal Party… because now it is very much a very expensive time & money commitment. Whereas, when I got married the first time (circa 1980) it clearly was a case where the B&G laid out at least the same amount of money to have those people take part, if not more. Certainly made it a lot more fair IMO
What I do tell Brides-2B now is if you are at the beginning of Planning, be sure and sit down with your Bridal Party and go over responsiblities and expenses… it is sooo worth it to be on the same page… just to make assumptions on expectations is a very dangerous game, as ultimately someone is going to be hurt / disappointed.
Hope this helps,