(Closed) Gifts from Exes

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4125 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

You shouldn’t feel bad for not wanting him in your life.  He is you ex!

Don’t return his things, because it rubs salt in the wound but also gives him the attention he wants.

I suggest you ask him, one last time, not to contact you.  No “i’m sorry but I don’t think we should stay in touch” just “don’t contact me or Fiance again” and if he does then it may be time for something more serious like court order or something.  I know it’s extreme, but if he really isn’t getting the picture and you want him out of you life then that’s what needs to be done.  The threat alone (as much as I hate threatening behaviour) might be enough to get him off you back.

Good luck.

Post # 4
Member
2411 posts
Buzzing bee

@ladyartichoke:  

I suggest you ask him, one last time, not to contact you.  No “i’m sorry but I don’t think we should stay in touch” just “don’t contact me or Fiance again” and if he does then it may be time for something more serious like court order or something.

 

ITA with LadyArtichoke. How did your ex send you this art work — he has your address or something?

If I were you, I would change my phone number and email so that he can’t text you anymore.

I also would make it very clear and plain — as nicely and non-confrontationally as possible — that you want NO more contact with him. I would put all of his presents in a box and donate them to charity ASAP. I would not send them to him, as that could possibly stir him up.

I had an ex who was engaging in this kind of nonsense with me too — he even followed me into a store once and tried to strike up a conversation with me — and he just was not getting the hint. So I finally typed up a letter and mailed it to him. I basically said I wished him well, but we were done, and I wanted NO FURTHER CONTACT with him in any shape or form.

That did the trick and I didn’t hear from him after that. But if I had heard from him after that, I wouldn’t have hesitated to get a restraining order.

I think the art gift sounds creepy and he was overbearing to go to those lengths — the fact that he knew it had insider significance between the two of you, the fact he had the artist sign it etc. Gross. I wouldn’t want that in my home.

Good luck with this, and I hope you find a way to resolve it.

Post # 6
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

This is inappropriate, controlling and potentially scary behavior. Send him an e-mail or text stating you do not wish for his behavior to continue and to stop contacting both you and your FH. Do not call him to state this as you want some written documentation of what you and he say. Save any other text messages that are inappropriate from him. Return all gifts to him so that he can not say that you were welcoming contact with him. If he tries to talk to your FH at work, have your FH tell the ex that he does not want to speak with him unless it is strictly work related (and from the sounds of it, they shouldn’t have any reason to communicate due to different jobs). Keep all written information or voice mails.

Basically, what I’m trying to get at is to make it easy to build a case for harassment. If it continues at work, have your FH file a grievance. If it continues outside of work, I would contact the police and get a restraining order. Good luck with everything, I hope you get the creep to stop.

Post # 7
Member
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@tibbets:  I second that idea, only because it makes YOU feel awkward. You’ve done everything short that any other human being would do to make him realize you don’t want him in your life at all. Perhaps go and change you number too? 

Post # 8
Member
38 posts
Newbee

This is an episode of Criminal Minds waiting to happen. Cut this crazy off!

Post # 9
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee

I wouldn’t return things from the past, but I would send back the print.  To me, accepting his gift is (in some way) like accepting him/his support, etc.

I would enclose a note that says you simply cannot accept his gift and to please stop contacting you.  I would also keep a copy of the note that you send (with the date on it), and I would send it with some sort of proof of delivery.

 

Post # 10
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Would leaving the gift on his doorstep get the point across? With some dog poo on top of it perhaps?

Post # 12
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee

@tibbets:  Sounds like a great plan.  🙂

I’m glad your FH is being very understanding and supportive with regard to this matter.  Things like this can be difficult to discuss and deal with.

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