(Closed) Gifts from people who can't make it

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Thank You notes for guests who aren't coming but buy gifts...
    Send the Thank You note right away : (52 votes)
    72 %
    Wait until after the wedding and send them all at the same time : (20 votes)
    28 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7902 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    This is your choice, but if you are opening the gifts in advance, you should go ahead and send the note. If you prefer to wait to open until after the wedding, you can always at least get the sender’s name (have a mom or friend open the packing slip) and then contact them informally to alert them that a package arrived but you won’t be opening it yet. That way people don’t worry the gift got lost.

    Post # 5
    Member
    7902 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    @mandypop:  We waited because we did photo cards too and we got a lot of compliments and in fact one of DH’s aunts who sent an advanced gift (and didn’t come to the wedding) specifically thanked us for how quickly we sent out the thank you (most went out at the 5 or 6 weeks mark… did them in batches) and how personal it was. You might want to consider doing your thank yous in the order you received the gifts so that those who sent them in advance don’t wait any longer than necessary after the wedding.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1471 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    we did not open anything unitl we were married and back from our honeymoon! Thought it was more fun this way, plus we didnt want to be tempted to use it (your not supposed to use wedding gifts b/4 your married its bad luck)

    so we did all our thank you cards after opening them…. had we opend them as they came in we would have sent them before…. just debends on when you open πŸ™‚

    Post # 7
    Member
    519 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I would send thank you’s as soon as you receive gifts, even though they won’t get one of your picture cards. It’s easier to keep up with writing them this way, and then they aren’t waiting to hear that you got the gift. To me, as long as you write a nice personalized note, it doesn’t matter that it’s a generic thank you card. 

    You also shouldn’t feel bad if people who aren’t coming get you gifts. It’s traditionally proper to send a wedding gift for any wedding you are invited to even if you can’t attend πŸ™‚ 

    Post # 9
    Member
    4046 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I’d send a note as soon as you get their gift, otherwise they may wonder if it arrived. Then I’d send them a picture after the wedding by email or mail.

    Post # 10
    Member
    3182 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    We waited until after the wedding.  Mostly because I was just really busy.  I think it is probably preferable to send them earlier but don’t really think either way would be “wrong”

    Post # 11
    Member
    3241 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I sent a thank-you after receiving the gift, then I also sent one of the photo thank-you cards. That way they knew the gift was received and could see some photos even though they were unable to attend.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1917 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    You should write the thank you note now.  I’m sure your cousin will want to know that the gift arrived.  Also it will help to relieve the thank you note burden after your wedding.  I wrote all thank you notes for gifts up to when I left for my wedding.

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    7173 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I think you should wait to send the note with the picture!  I know if I sent a gift but couldn’t attend, I’d love to see a photo of the bride/groom in their wedding outfits πŸ™‚

    Post # 14
    Member
    1691 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I think if you’d received the gift RIGHT before the wedding it would be fine to wait.  However you’ve received it months in advance and waiting may be considered rude.  If I were a guest who RSVP’d no and sent a gift anyway, I’d like to know how much they appreciated that and not wait 4 months for one.  I think etiquette wise you’re probably ok waiting, I just think it’s nicer to send it now especially because they really didn’t need to send a gift at all.  Perhaps you could send a plain one now and also a picture for them later if you’d like?

    Post # 15
    Member
    4676 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I made some awesome ‘Thank You’ bunting as well.  But as I’ve we’ve been getting gifts early, I’ve been getting out ‘Thank You’ cards early.  I ordered a few using our engagment pics for this purpose.  I will send thise people who gave us early presents and already send a Thank You card to another for attending my wedding.  (And so they get the pretty card!) 

    If you havent recieved the gift I wouldn’t worry about it.  When you recieve the gift you should send a Thank You card, but not before.   They probably don’t know that Amazon sends out notifications, so I wouldn’t worry about this.  

    Post # 16
    Member
    1699 posts
    Bumble bee

    @mandypop:  Traditional etiquette does not, and never did, say that anyone has a year in which to write a thank-you note. Thank-you notes should be written if possible on the same day that the gift arrived, before you go to bed for the night; and if that is not possible then as soon afterward as may be.

    I know that brides often get confused about this: there is, in fact, a traditional rule that guests have up to a year to send a wedding gift. That is the only situation under which you should be sending a note a year after the wedding. There are some different timeframes that modern etiquette websites and advice-columns are suggesting, ranging between a week and three months, but none of them are as long as a year.

    Even if you are waiting until after you return from your honeymoon, you might want to send a note to that effect to anyone who (as is proper) sends their gift before the wedding, whether they are coming to the wedding or not. Traditionally a bride openned all her gifts as they arrived, in order to arrange them in her new home so they would be ready, waiting unused, for her to be carried across the threshold and begin her new life in a fully-equipped home. Anyone who is expecting you to take that traditional route may end up worrying whether the gift has gotten lost. You can always send a nice social note after the wedding on one of your photo-cards, letting the giver know how much pleasure you take in using their gift.

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