Post # 1
I posted a while back about my fiance’s best man requesting that we invite his mom to our wedding. We told him we couldn’t, that as of now we are having more people than originally expected. Today he called and told me that his mom wants to know where we’re registered. I feel awkward giving her the registry info (it feels like I’m requesting a gift indirectly!) when we can’t invite her to the wedding. What’s more is that now I’m unsure whether or not our friend told his mom she’s not invited. How would you all respond?
Post # 3
I suggest you respond and say that you feel terrible about not being able to invite her to the wedding and that she needn’t get you a gift, her kind wishes are enough. That way, you are reiterating that she is not invited, so there is no confusion. Plus, without knowing where you are registered she won’t be able get you a gift you might feel awkward accepting.
Post # 4
A friend of my fiance sent us the second most expensive gift on our registry before our invitations were even sent out. It was incredibly generous of him; however, it sent me into a tailspin because I actually can’t stand the guy, nor cam most of our other friends, and was afraid the gift would make my fiance feel as though he had to invite him to the wedding. Luckily the subject never came up.
Your friend’s mother will figure out that she’s not invited when she doesn’t receive an invitation, regardless of whether or not he told her. Just to drive the point home to your friend, you may wish to tell him exactly what Soon2BeMrsC suggests above.
Post # 5
I like Soon2BMrsC’s suggestion. It’s perfect. That would be the exact way I would handle the situation. Nothing like two birds with one stone!
Post # 6
Thanks ladies! Good idea!
Post # 7
Honestly, I’d find a way to add one more person. I’d feel so guilty using the gift if I didn’t invite her.
Post # 8
We had a fairly small wedding, and actually received several gifts from people that we couldn’t invite (mostly work friends). I think that’s fine; if they wanted to show their good wishes by giving a gift, when they already knew that the guest list was limited to close friends and family, the most polite thing for us to do (IMO) was to smile and thank them. We sent thank you notes, and have made a point (now that the wedding is over) of inviting those people over for dinner or drinks. In this case, since it is the best man’s mom, maybe rather than changing your guest list you can make a point of sending her some nice photos of her son and his date, after the wedding.
Post # 9
I like what suzanno said.
You can’t stop people from wanting to give you gifts. And it’s totally reasonable to keep the guest list the way you already have.
We got a few gifts off our registry from folks who hadn’t been invited. It was a little awkward, but more than anything, it was so thoughtful of them.
There may come a time when perhaps you will want to give a gift to a couple whose wedding you’re not invited to, and I think the thought behind it will be simply love for them.
Post # 10
I agree with the previous posters – sometimes people just like to give gifts to help celebrate your wedding, even if they’re not invited. I don’t think she is expecting an invite, rather, just wanted to express her joy for the occasion. A nice thank you note will do just fine!