(Closed) Gifts from your SO/FI/DH

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3774 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@memo:  Not trying to be snarky, but I think you’re being a bit ungrateful.

 

I pick up cards for my mom to give to my dad all the time. I sign FH’s name to gifts that I get for people from “us”. That doesn’t make the cards or the gifts any less thoughtful.  It means that sometimes people don’t necessarily have the time, etc. to do the footwork. 

 

You should be happy that he thought to have something there for you.

Post # 4
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@memo:  My Darling Husband used to be so unromantic about gifts. It’s because on our first Christmas together, he got me a horse necklace. Like a necklace with an engraved pearl horse. I don’t like horses that much, and the necklace was pretty effin ugly. So I made jokes about it, and he freaked out and decided he better not choose gifts for me anymore. So then he just started getting me super obvious gifts (diamond earrings, flowers, chocolates, ugh). I talked to him about it, and told him that I would rather have a hundred horse necklaces that he picked out for me than just some generic diamond studs that the jeweler recommended. Now that he knows me better, his taste has improved. I would just tell him to pick out the gifts himself, and even if it’s not your taste, you’ll love it because it’s from him. I think gifts are very intimidating for men!

Post # 5
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think if he just gave his mother money and let her pick something out that would be from him, then yes I’d be annoyed. Certainly no sentimental value there. But if he picks it out himself and pays for it and is just having them pick it up? I’m not sure why that would be bothersome… It wouldn’t matter to me really.

Post # 7
Member
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@memo:  I think it is the thought that counts, and he certainly has that down pat. He comes up with ideas that he knows you would like and be useful for you. Due to logistical challenges, he sometimes gets other people to pick the stuff up but it was still his idea.

If he was asking people to not only pick up your gift but to think of them too, then that would be a bit different (though I think it would show he cares enough to find out what you really want if he is drawing a blank on ideas). I don’t see anything wrong with what he’s doing. He just wants to make sure that you’re happy 🙂

Post # 8
Member
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@QueenOfSerendip:  +1! It is intimidating for them. My Fiance is really good with picking out gifts, but my ex wasn’t. I ended up with a lot generic gifts rather than ones he truly thought about. Like you mentioned, it generally improves with time.

Post # 9
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think, given the circumstances, you’re getting upset over nothing.  It’s his money, his choice of gift, who cares who goes to the store to pick it up?  He could order you something from Amazon and then it would be the UPS guy doing the driving.  It’s simply a matter of practical convenience. If he wants to get you flowers and doesn’t have a car, and his dad is out and about running errands anyway, it’s the exact same end result as if he had ordered the flowers to be delivered, of course without the delivery fee. 

I’d let this go.

Post # 10
Member
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Man.  My guy gets me flowers randomly like once a year, and we are SO past surprising each other with gifts.  (“What do you want for your birthday, sweetie?”  “How about X, see here’s a link online.”  “Ok here’s my credit card.”)  It’s just the way things are, it’s fine, and I know he loves me to the moon and back because he shows me that in a million other ways.

But your guy sounds really thoughtful about gifts, which is kinda rare.  So yes, I would say that you’re making a big deal out of nothing, from my perspective…

Post # 11
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

A lot of people suck at picking out gifts.  Some people have that almost magical ability to barely know someone and pick out the perfect gift.  Most men that I know (including my fiance) fall into the first category.  I actually had a little sit down with mine and said “Honey, think of me like a magpie.  If it’s shiny, I like it.  If it sparkles, I like it.”  Ever since then, I’ve received jewelry.  He’s got it worked out with our local jeweler that when I stop in and browse, they take note of what I ooh and aah over.  When it comes time for birthday/christmas/whatever, he goes in, they show him the highlights of what I liked.  No, it’s not as romantic as him picking out the perfect surprise gift.  But the thing is, he went to the trouble to figure out a way to get me what I wanted. 

So what if your SO is getting outside help in picking out your gifts?  He remembered the occasion, he thought of you and arranged for you to receive a gift.  He probably did ask your mom to grab a gift certificate while she was there.  No shame in that.  He likely has no idea how much it costs and what an appropriate amount would be.  She does. 

Post # 13
Member
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@memo:  I can see your point. It’s nice when our partners go out of their way to do nice things for us. When my Fiance has already worked a long day and decides to stop after work and get me a little something, I love it. He spent a few weeks sneaking out and gathering xmas presents for me (which is hard to do because I am very nosy, lol). This is possible because he has a car though so I can see that it is difficult for your partner to do the same.

The way I see it, he has done the hard part of the job (thinking up the gift), he just didn’t take that extra step to go get it. Would it actually mean more if he had taken a bus or something and went to get it for you rather than someone else picking it up? I’m not sure…Maybe it would. I can definitely see your point too 🙂

Post # 14
Member
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

My boyfriend is pretty awful at choosing gifts! The thought is always behind them…I like to be organized, he got me a label maker…I like baths, he got me a very overpriced, old lady smelling bath set, etc. It’s gotten to the point now that we tell each other what we want. No surprises that way, but a lot less returning! And for holidays, we’re doing vacations instead of gifts. I really think some people are just bad gift givers. But I feel like if he knew you liked orange flowers, but got his dad to pick them up, that’s not a huge deal. I don’t feel like that is much different than calling a florist and telling them to deliver some orange flowers.

Post # 15
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I wouldn’t be upset.  If he had his own car, it would be totally different. 

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