(Closed) Gifts from your SO/FI/DH

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@memo:  I think youre making a big deal out of nothing.  He is doing want he can to please you.  He doesnt have a car which makes her dependent on others. I am sure he hates it but he is trying to make you happy and you are just being upset that he, himself did not go do it.  He still paid for, it was still his idea, he just needed help getting it.  Its like an old lady at a grocery store that cant reach the olives.  She needs someone to come along so she can ask for help because she is not capable of doing it herself.  It was still her idea, and she is paying for it with her money but she just couldnt do it all by herself.  You being upset is going to make him feel incompetent.  Not good for a relationship.

Post # 18
Member
90 posts
Worker bee

I guess it depends on who is picking out the gift…  Whether he is asking for someone to pick up a very specific item or just “something nice” would be a huge factor in how I feel about the situation. 

Post # 19
Member
15001 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Maybe he didn’t want to give you chocolates the day before and wanted to have flowers waiting for you the day of?  I don’t see anything wrong with what he does.  Sounds like his thoughts and money is being the gift, just not the physical action of getting it.

 

Post # 20
Member
1459 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

For birthdays and christmasses I’ve been having to send links to things that I want, Boyfriend or Best Friend clicks “buy now” and then it’s delivered. So that can be a little frustrating, but he makes up for it when he writes really nice things in the card he gets me. Our anniversary is the only time he really puts any personal thought into it by picking out jewlery.

 

I would love to be surprised by flowers! 🙂 Maybe your SO isn’t so great at the finding gifts aspects of things but is better at showing he cares in other ways? Then it’s important to identify those moments and be happy about them rather than sad about what isn’t quite right – like the fact he thought to arrange for there to be flowers for you (and I presume there are other things) :3

Post # 22
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@memo:  Yeah but most gifts are surprises and he doesnt want you know he is going to try to do something sweet and get you something.  He probably doesnt like the idea of having to use your car.  Guys are weird like that.  Its an ego thing. 

Post # 23
Member
1462 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@memo:  I think this is a non-issue.  He’s already being super thoughtful and I think it shows something that he would be close enough to your parents to ask your mom to get a gift certificate for you (with his money).  My SO doesn’t even bother to go through the thought processes of picking gifts for me.  I just tell him what I want for my bday or something, then he pays for it and ships it to me or we buy it together.  But that’s just the way he is!  Haha.

Post # 24
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@memo:  I can see why you feel weird about it. However, if I had to use my SO’s car to go get him a gift, I might try to find a different way to go about it, too. I think the thought & paying for it are pretty big… how it’s actually purchased isn’t. On the other hand, if he were paying & actually purchasing something but you had to always tell him what you want (a pretty common problem), it wouldn’t feel special. I don’t think this is worth the fight. He’s being thoughtful. He’s paying. It’s a gift, so probably best to not criticize it.

Post # 25
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Jewelieee:  same here! We go to the mall and snap picture of items we want for bdays and xmas.  Actually about a month ago we went shopping and he found a cowboy hat he liked. He really wanted it. I asked him if he wanted that for his bday (Which was still 3 months away) he said yes. I bought it for him on the spot. 

Post # 26
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

I think that as long as he is picking the gifts out on his own it isn’t so bad that he’s having other people pick them up for him. My Boyfriend or Best Friend & I also share our car and it can make it pretty hard to be sneaky! If your guy is naturally a good gift giver consider yourself lucky 🙂 It took mine like 3-4 years to understand that he had to be thoughtful about gifts. 

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