Post # 1
My SO is absolutely wonderful. He tells me he loves me countless times a day; he’s affectionate and caring, never fails to make me laugh, and goes out of his way to make sure I’m well taken care of and content. We have a lovely relationship. However, he often has a relatively difficult time expressing the reasons why he’s in love with me. I have no problem expressing all the quirky, unique, and seemingly insignificant things that he does that reminds me why I fell in love with him in the first place.
When I ask for the same, he tends to get this ‘deers in headlights’ look on his face, and begins to stumble over his words a bit. He says it’s hard for him to come up with precise reasons on the spot, and usually just ends the conversation by saying, “You’re just totally perfect for me, babe.” I try to be understanding and not take it too personally, but sometimes it hurts my feelings a bit. I imagine the difference in tone our wedding vows will ultimately have if I rattle off all the reasons I’m totally smitten, and he simply says, “I love you because you’re you”, and that freaks me out a little bit.
Can anyone relate? Do men just have a more difficult time successfully expressing things like this?
Post # 3
I think that men just don’t look too deeply into it. they just know “I love her”. I don’t think that they care much past that to understand why. I’m sure that it has something to do with ur cute laugh and beautiful eyes and how u fold his shirts just right. lol
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
I’ve been in the exact same situation. When I asked my Fiance about it he said that he needs time to articulate his thoughts. He said “all of a sudden you’re put on the spot and you have to think of all these reasons that are usually subconscious”. Haha I think it’s too much for his brain to handle all at once 😉
Post # 5
@izziebear: Yep. I’m in your boat exactly! The only answer I’ve ever really gotten is “you take care of the finances” GEE THANKS DUDE. Haha.
I think they just are at a loss for words and have a hard time sorting their feelings out. Either that, or they have honestly have never really sat down and thought out the reasons, although they are there nontheless.
Post # 6
One time someone asked me this, and I got the deer in the headlights look too. I just know that I do love him, for a complicated variety of reasons. Don’t feel down about it, he probably just can’t come up with a grocery list of reasons, but I’m sure he loves you for the whole you.
Post # 7
I think it’s a guy thing. I asked my husband the same question. His answer was, “I just do. I can’t not love you.” Not a lot in the way of explanation, but that’s how he feels.
I’m thinking your SO might do better if you phrased the question as “What things do you love about me?” That might get him thinking of more concrete things.
Post # 8
I know it hurts your feelings, but I wouldn’t think about it too much. If he can’t think of something right away, I’m sure it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. He knows why, but it’s so hard to articulate. At least for me. My fiance asks me this sometimes, and I’m like… ummm, well I dunno I just love you! 🙂 But eventually I start thinking of the little reasons. He does the same. Everyone is different. And that is why I refuse to write our own vows 🙂 (Lame I know).
Post # 9
I worry about the same thing! But I recently asked my Fiance to answer this question and he said some very sweet things that I didn’t think he noticed… HOWEVER, that is when we are alone… When we are infront of people my Fiance has a hard time being serious and sweet and he usually ends up really sarcastic and a little vulgar. lol So I’m really worried about him taking the wedding vows seriously and from the heart.
I guess we just need to keep our fingers crossed and have a good talk with them about how important the vows are to us… 🙂
Post # 10
SO does the same thing. The “Idk I just do” answer is what I usually get. When I playfully say “oh come on that’s not a reason” he usually opens up and gives me a couple actual reasons. I tell him “I’m not questioning your love, it’s just nice to here the why’s every once in a while” and he feels less pressured.
Post # 11
@izziebear: Having a general outline for length and tone/promises for your vows can help prevent lopsided vows. We did that. We had certain “ideas” we both expressed (fidelity, communication, thoughtfulness, love as an action not a “thing”, etc). And expressed those in our own ways. So, the thought behind the vows was equal.
Post # 12
I think it’s just a man thing. My husband isn’t a real romantic kind of guy. Try not to get offended by it :).
Post # 13
@crayfish: That’s a really good idea!
Post # 14
my husband is the same, he will happily say a dozen times a day he loves me but if i ask why he loves me he cant come up with anything
but hes more the type that will demonstrate his love – hes a giver by nature and puts more value in doing things for me (whether it be a $1K gift or stopping at the store to buy fresh bread or picking his clothes off the floor and putting it in the laundry room) than saying things, ive learnt that there are many ways to express love for eachother and its not all verbal
Post # 15
Shucks, thanks ladies – you’ve all made me feel loads better about this. 😀
I guess I just gotta chalk it up to another difference between the mind of a man and that of a very detail-oriented woman, haha.