Post # 1
I’ve been talking to a dear friend who has started looking at engagement rings. She and her boyfriend want to get married next summer but the engagement ring has been holding them back. Her boyfriend is still in school so his engagement ring budget is very small. She is in school as well but she has a wealthy family and has a lot of money saved from inheritances so she was thinking of buying the diamond herself and he could buy the setting and propose with that. I’ve never heard of people doing it that way before so I’m still not really sure what to think. I know part of her reasoning is because her sisters and mother and grandmother have 3+ carat rings and I think she would subconsciously be disappointed by anything less than 2 carats. I’m torn tho because I want her to get the ring she’s always wanted but I also think that’s kinda of strange way to start a relationship. What do you guys think? Have you heard of the girl buying the diamond?
EDIT: Sorry I didn’t mean to sound judgey. I do think part of my reservation is because she was originally planning on telling her boyfriend the diamond was a family diamond or not telling him the price because she didn’t want him to feel bad, which is probably why I said that’s a strange way to start a relationship. I also think it’s a little strange because the money she would get the diamond from is in an account that she and her boyfriend wouldn’t combine at marriage because it’s inheritance. She hasn’t told him about this plan yet because she’s still unsure of it for many of the reasons I am and she doesn’t know how it would go over with him.
Post # 2
Why is it strange? The “rules” of getting engaged are just one great big marketing campaign. Many couples design the ring together, pick it together, does it make them any less engaged if the gal paid more?
Naw, this is 2017 – do what works for you (them). If the guy is okay with it, if he hasn’t been brainwashed too badly, why not?
Post # 3
Its her money.. she buys whatever else she wants with it right? I don’t see why she doesn’t just buy the entire ring. No one needs to know or pass judgement on who paid for what.
Post # 4
Well getting engaged is hardly the start of a relationship. And it’s really no ones business how they choose to go about buying a ring and getting engaged. How about you be happy for your friend rather than judging her choices?
Post # 5
Wow settings are a fraction of the price , The diamond is what is really expensive.. I find it weird that she agreed to pretty much buying her entire ring… Can’t they split it down the middle so it’s fair to you’re friend at least? Personally I wouldn’t do it and I think it’s extremely unfair to your friend but if that’s how she wants to start off her engagement that’s on her..
Post # 6
I bought my ring because my fiancé couldn’t afford something with the kind of wow factor I wanted, and there’s no sense in him going broke just to be able to say he bought it. She’s the one who has to wear it forever, so she should get herself what she wants.
Post # 7
I don’t see why not! Especially if she’s in the financial position to bankroll it. And it’ll still be significant if he picks the setting for it. I actually kind of like the idea of this rather than a unilateral decision/financing from only one party to the engagement. Each is responsible for a part coming together- just like a marriage!
Post # 8
I think her point in doing it that way is that she could get what she wanted without feeling guilty… because her boyfriend is under a lot of financial stress until he graduates and starts his job and so even half of 15k-25k (what she was planning on spending) is still a lot of money.
Post # 9
- Wedding: December 2017 - Lake Louise Canada
I don’t think its weird at all. A man doesn’t buy the right to marry a woman by exchanging her life for a diamond. So it doesn’t matter in the slightest who foots the bill. If she wants major bling he can’t provide, she should go for it. It’s her that has to wear it and love it for life. It will all become shared assets after the wedding anyway.
Post # 10
What does it matter since once they are married they will have joint finances either way? It won’t make any difference, cause all her money will be his money too, and vice versa. It just puts them ehead of schedule!
Post # 11
I’m the kind of person who would get a 0.25 carat stone just to annoy my judgemental family. Your friend needs to stop allowing her mommy, daddy, and sisters pressure her decisions about her upcoming engagement.
Time to cut the cord. That’s the whole point of marriage anyway.
Post # 12
No one bats an eye at a guy paying the full price of an engagement ring or says it’s unfair. This arrangement is hardly unfair. If she has the finances to pay for it and her boyfriend doesn’t this arrangement may be what makes them both happy. Splitting it down the middle may not be possible it or what they want.
Post # 13
To each their own. I haven’t heard of anyone specifically splitting it so that the girl buys the diamond and the guy buys the setting, but I have heard of engagements where the girl buys her ring outright. I think in a lot of those situations they see it as “well, we’re planning on combining finances in the future anyway, so who cares who pays now?”
I would check with your friend to see what her boyfriend thinks of this idea though. Some guys are very prideful in being able to “provide” for their loved one, so I’d be concerned that this might hurt his ego… not to say that I think he should feel a certain way, but I have heard about situations where this nontraditional arrangement was suggested and it created a little animosity.
Post # 14
If they are planning to marry and join their finances, and she’s comfortable with this, what does it matter who pays for the diamond?
Post # 15
We have a daughter so all of our expenses are combined. At first I tried to always do the ring payments from our joint account because he wanted to pay… then I gave up and just processed the payments from whichever account had the most funds at the time