Post # 16
My fiancée and I both bought our own rings; didn’t see the point of buying each other’s when our finances aren’t merged yet, she’s still in school while I have a salaried job, and the styles I like cost significantly more than the ones she likes. This just made more sense with each of our financial situations at this point. So no, I don’t think it’s weird at all, it’s just practical.
Post # 17
I don’t think I’m judging her but more that she asked me for my opinion and I’d never heard of it so I wanted to know what others thought. I do think part of my reservation is because she was originally planning on telling her boyfriend the diamond was a family diamond or not telling him the price because she didn’t want him to feel bad which is probably why I said that’s a strange way to start a relationship but if she keeps everything on the up and up, I’m totally fine with it!
Post # 18
I don’t see why it would be a strange way to start her marriage, what would be different about her Fiance paying the full price?
Its 2017, women earn their own money and engagement isn’t a way for the man to prove he can provide anymore.
Post # 19
The girl shouldn’t have to worry about what her family thinks if her boyfriend can only spend so much… I guess I feel splitting the cost would benefit both of them.. She sounds more worried about impressing her family than the actual engagement to me… Just saw her update her friend wants to buy the diamond and lie and say it’s a family stone.. Sounds like a whole lot of trouble to me hence the 50/50 would benefit and no lies involved no ones feelings get hurt…
Post # 20
I don’t think it’s strange at all. I’d even suggest going together to purchase it. Let him pick it up, & then choose when to propose if they want a “proposal story”. It’s no one else’s business who bought the ring.
Post # 21
It’s 2017. I’m not about to judge a woman for getting the ring she wants.
I think it’s a little petty her reason, who cares what her family has. But we have to wear the ring for the rest of our life, we look at it every day and we are the ones that show it off. It should be what we want.
I picked out my ring.
Post # 22
I don’t think she should worry about impressing her family with a 3 + carat stone.. If shes getting engaged to the love of her life It shouldn’t matter and for her to say it’s a family stone or hide the price so she doesn’t hurt his feelings sounds a bit troubling… That’s bound to start an argument down the road I think… I think nothing good will come out of it…
Post # 23
I’m sorry – I think this is strange. I think when a couple decides to purchase a ring together with joint money that is lovely, and I think when the proposer buys a ring for the proposee (notice, nothing to do with gender) that’s lovely, but the proposee purchasing a stone for the proposer so she can have something bigger and more ostentatious I think shows that she cares too much about the ring and material possessions. I would not be happy if I were the proposer in this relationship.
Post # 24
There’s nothing wrong with that arrangement if they both agree to it. But really, if she can’t have a honest discussion with him about money, they are not ready to get engaged anyways.
Post # 25
I don’t think it’s weird at all! If she has her heart set of having that kind of diamond in her orginial e-ring, she should go for it, but I agree with you that she shouldn’t lie or otherwise be shady about it with him – just outright ask if it’s something he’d be ok with.
They WILL get people looking right at him after seeing the ring and saying things like, “good job,” etc. So they will need to figure out in advance how he will feel about that and how he will handle it. Something as simple as “it was a combined effort,” would probably suffice.
Post # 26
Doesn’t seem strange to me, although my SO and I decided we will buy our own stones then work with a jewelry to design custom rings together.
Post # 27
I think talking about money has been a rough spot in their relationship because he comes from a very different economic background than her but they’ve gotten a lot better. While her taste isn’t outside of what she or her family can afford or what they will be able to afford as a couple when he starts working (he already has a great job lined up out of college), right now, she just gets embarrassed when she wants or likes things that are so outside of his current financial situation.
Post # 28
What happens when the boyfriend/fiancé thanks the family for allowing them to use their heirloom diamond??? or when her parents ask them where he got the money to pay for it? She definitely needs to talk to him and find out how he feels about her buying the diamond or this could turn into a big problem!
Post # 29
Agree with this. Apart from your friend thinking she might pass off the diamond as a family stone instead of being upfront with her boyfriend, it all seems pretty sensible to me – she wants a bigger diamond, she has the resources to buy it now while he doesn’t, they’re planning to share a life together – why not?
Post # 30
If they both agree to her buying the diamond, then I don’t see a problem. It does sound like there are some inherent issues in their relationship related to the finances, so that is the bigger problem at hand.