Post # 31
I’m with you OP. I think if she buys the diamond and lies about where it came from to her boyfriend, she will always look back at her engagement with regret. Deception is no way to start a marriage!
Why cant she just wait until he gets a job?
Post # 32
I’m in the minority and think it’s strange. I’d rather have a moissanite or a small diamond that he could afford rather than a big diamond that I bought. JMO.
Post # 33
Why can’t she just use a family ring if they have so many. That way the history is there, she gets a big diamond and he doesn’t have to pay.
also, many people with money don’t wear big rings, so if they don’t have any spare heirlooms sitting around, she can get an elegant vintage ring with tons of class.
Post # 34
It’s not traditional. So if they don’t care about that then I don’t see why not! She needs to be happy with her e ring xo
Post # 35
I don’t see any problem with her buying her own diamond. So what if she wants a big diamond?? She’s probably used to that type of lifestyle, and I don’t think it’s fair to judge her for wanting a big ring. Not everyone wants a tiny diamond. However, I do think that she definitely needs to tell the truth about where the diamond came from. I feel like the boyfriend will take an even bigger hit to his ego if he ever finds out that she bought the diamond herself.
Post # 36
I agree with one of the above posts-suggest to your friend for them pick out the ring together & allow him to be part of the process. Nothing wrong with her paying for the ring if she’s able to afford what she wants right now & he can’t. Def don’t just buy a stone & then lie about it to her BF. That’s such an unhealthy way to start a relationship. Also, they should REALLY have a $$ talk before they get married. I’m curious as to why she would be hesitant to tell him that he won’t be entitled to any of her inheritance? Is she afraid he will get upset? If so, why? IMO, that’s HER $$ that was provided to her before marriage-if she doesn’t want him on the account then that’s her decision & she shouldn’t feel like she has to sugar coat this to him. Shit happens in marriage & it will feel good for her to know that she has something that he can’t ever touch-even if they divorce.
Post # 37
I can’t be one of those people judging this girl for wanting a big ring especially if she comes from a wealthy family. Maybe there’s a standard she wishes to uphold starting with the comparison of her ring to her mother & sister.
No one should go in debt to be married [THAT is starting the marriage off wrong]. I think it’s really sweet that she’s taking his situation into consideration. I also think it’s great that she thought of this plan whereas most women wouldn’t of come to such a bold decision.
My personal recommendation is that she tell him her plans & they talk it out & get an understanding that this is in no way undermining anyone. Maybe they could even design the ring together with her paying for the diamond & him the setting. It would be a lot more personal & at least he’ll also have a hand in the engagement ring process.
Post # 38
As long as she is honest, sounds like a good way to work through what they both want to me!
Post # 39
To be 100% honest, since it’s your friend and not you, I’m not sure it’s your business per se, what they end up doing, nor is it your place to judge. I don’t mean to sound harsh–just saying what I think. If she has the money, why not purchase the diamond? It makes quite a lot of sense to me. The pressure of engagement ring purchase can be stressful for any man, especially someone with a limited budget. People do things differently nowadays, and it’s ok. Ultimately it’s about what works for the couple and what makes sense for them personally and financially. What works for them may not work for you, and that’s totally ok.
Post # 40
Doesn’t matter! They should do what works for both of them. I don’t think anyone else will (or at least should) judge them or really even think about it. As long as they have a good relationship and agree on how they want to do it, more power to them.
Post # 41
While the arrangement is not odd, the whole keeping things a secret and trying to impress her family with an e-ring is strange and a bit immature. They should not be hiding things related to finances from each other if they want to get married. What will happen if he sits down with mom/sister and decides to discuss or thank them for the family heirloom diamond? They need to be honest with each other.
Post # 42
If I had the funds at the time we were looking at rings I would have split the cost of the entire ring (diamond + setting) with my Fiance and each paid half. I didn’t have the funds though so my Fiance paid for the entire thing. I let him know I want to help pay for the wedding bands though. I think it would only be fair for me to pay a similar amount for our bands since he paid for the ering by himself. This is obviously not the ‘traditional’ way of going about it, but we want to be on a fair playing field regarding finances.
It’s 2017, there aren’t any set rules for engagement or even marriage these days so I say your friend and her bf should do what’s best for THEM and forget what other people have to say about it. Others shouldn’t even have to know who funded the ring and if they’re rude enough to actually ask then I’d seriously question my friendship with them. Finances (especially regarding an ering or wedding rings) should only be discussed between those directly involved in the purchase–the two people who are getting engaged or married and the salesperson from whom they’re purchasing their rings.
Post # 43
I think it’s fine as long as he is aware. She shouldn’t start a marriage lying to him.