Post # 32
@CandieC88: Sounds silly but I have a girlfriend like this. She has no idea when she is overstepping her boundries because she doesn’t understand a lot of social cues. Social cues are things like uncomfortable silences, head nods between people around you, looks of disdain – etc etc etc. Your Girlfriend might be totally blind to all of the things that you think are super obvious.
My Girlfriend doesn’t do the flirty thing with my Fiance – but if she did all I would have to do is have a serious conversation with her about it and I think she’d back off. My guess is that she thinks you and her are friends so your Fiance is safe for her. (Almost like some women treat a straight Gay friend).
She thinks that she can act differently with him then with other guys because (since you are her friend) you won’t get mad because you would OBVIOUSLY know she isn’t doing any of these things on purpose.
Everyone always says have a ‘serious talk’ – but with this type of person it has to be specific. Go somewhere quiet with just you and her (maybe after school?) – look her directly in the eye and tell her you have some SERIOUS things you guys need to work out. Let her know you are not judging her and that you want her to be your friend – but that she needs to chnage a few things. Be gentale but don’t go easy on her.
My Girlfriend never means to hurt people’s feelings – but when she finds out that she has (regardless of how obvious it seems like it would be) she is beyond devastated. I have seen her break down and cry because she didn’t even notice she was doing things that people didn’t think were ‘fun’.
EDIT: My Girlfriend never punched anyone in the face but I did see her throw a beer bottle them – that relationship was broken forever. If you decide she is too much then I would break it off as well. Since Girlfriend never did this to me I didn’t feel the need to cut her off. We generally have an awesome time together when we hang out.
Post # 33
@CandieC88: i wouldn’t invite her. period. is your wedding date posted correct? if so, your wedding invites are probably not even sent out yet (unless it’s a dw). don’t send her an invite and don’t let her tag along as a +1.
Post # 34
@CandieC88: She sounds insane. I’d quit talking to her altogether and not invite her to the wedding.
Post # 35
You need to confront her and tell her that her behaviour, including punching your Fiance in the face at the bar, has been inappropriate, and you’re very disappointed in her. And since she can’t be trusted around alcohol, obviously, you’re going to have to rescind your invitation to the wedding. You can’t do this without confronting her. Do it somewhere semi-public so she can’t go off the handle, and make sure your Fiance is there, too, so that she understands that this is from both of you. Warn her roommates about what you’re going to do (and why, if they didn’t hear about the face punching incident), and then carry on. Life is too short to lug around buckets of extra crazy.
Post # 36
I don’t understand why you’re making excuses for someone who got physically violent with your Fiance and obviously has anger issues among other things. Unless you want her to punch YOU in the face next time – possibly at your wedding – please inform the roommates that you’re going to disinvite her and just do it with no backing down. No more playing nice please, I’d hate for you to post that your wedding was ruined by her behavior.
Post # 37
When someone punches you in the face (or your FI) you have a pretty good reason to disinvite them to your wedding. I’m not sure how or why she warranted one to begin with– she sounds psycho. And if she still has a thing for your Fiance, I would expect there’s a good chance she might create a scene at your reception.
Post # 38
Yeah, invites are not out yet, BUT I did sent a save-the-date to her and her 2 roommates back in Feb. That is the only hangup I have about the invite…but I actually might do what you’re saying and just neglect to send an invite.
I also really wonder if this is the case with my friend. She is PAINFULLY socially awkward and cannot take social cues, even ones that seem obvious to most people. She also has virtually no friends at school, possibly for this very reason. My Fiance originally said that I should talk to her about what’s been bothering me, but he has since changed his position, and thinks that I should completely cut her off.
I completely agree. I may blame budget/venue if for no other reason than to prevent MYSELF from getting punched in the face!
Post # 39
Yep, crazy is catching – leave now!
Post # 40
I would definitely cut her out of my life. sounds like she is off her rocker.
Post # 41
Yeah that’s exactly what I was thinking
OP, since you haven’t even sent invitations yet and you have months to go until your wedding, you don’t have to uninvite her or do anything further. Peace out. Shut her out completely and she will get the picture. If not, tell security to watch out for her on your big day and don’t give it a second thought. I wouldn’t be trying to figure out whether to invite her or not, I would be considering a restraining order against the crazy woman who once punched my future husband after stalking him.
Post # 42
I would disinvite her and institute some form of security to prevent her from attending. Can you hire security and give them a list of your guests and send out “tickets” for your guests to turn in to the security guards? I have a bad feeling she’ll try her best to crash your wedding.
Post # 43
I knew a girl once exactly like this girl you’re describing. She even slapped my ex boyfriend (boyfriend at the time) right across the face for no reason. Needless to say I attacked her and she never talked to us again. I’m not saying you have to take it to that level, but some people like that just dont get it until something traumatic happens to “snap” them out of that behavior. It’s completely unacceptable.
Perhaps try confronting her, be assertive and firm. There is no need to be gentle with someone who treats you and your Fiance that way…
Post # 44
Being awkward and missing social cues, that’s one thing. But unprovoked violence is something else entirely. It’s unfortunate that two of your good friends are her roommates (which seems mind-boggling in itself, if this behavior goes beyond you and your FI), but when the invites go out, she shouldn’t receive one. A PP had a good idea about alerting your venue(s) ahead of time that she might show up uninvited. Aside from the wedding issue though, I think it’s also pretty important that her behavior be addressed. If it’s not possible nor desirable to cut her out completely, she HAS to be made aware that her actions are inappropriate and unacceptable.
Post # 45
She is a PSYCHO!
I would cut her off completely. Tell her what you are doing, and why, and leave no room for misinterpretation.
“You’re behavior has become increasingly erratic and frightening, and to be honest, you are creeping us the fuck out. We no longer wish to continue this friendship, and you ar eno longer invited to our wedding. I don’t know why you have been behaving this way, but we are not going to tolerate it any longer.”
Post # 46
Uhh, you need to cut her out before she goes all Glenn Close on your husband. Seriously. Cut the niceness and just do it.