- 5 months ago
I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 6 months now, she has been really sweet, supportive and loving. I really enjoy being with her, even if it involves doing absolutely nothing. It has primarily been long distance throughout. I met her in my final months of college (even then, we just met on weekends). Now that I have moved to a different city, we meet only once or twice a month (I always travel, not that it bothers me).
I am 28 and she is 26. She is my first girlfriend ever and she has been in relationships since she was 18. In the past, she wanted to marry all (but 1) of her boyfriends, but they did not stand by her. We spoke about it when we started dating that I don’t want to talk marriage for at least 1 year. I wanted us to really get to know each other, build an understanding, and she agreed. Things had been going fine, we had good times but we also did fight a lot. Almost every time I visited her, we ended up arguing needing to settle some older misunderstanding/issue. We have shared some great moments too, but it has otherwise not been smooth.
She would generally keep bringing up the topic of marriage, how she would want the wedding, where out honemoon would be, and so on. From what I understand, girls like this, fanticising about weddings and the future, so I used to happily talk these things. However, 2 months ago, she told me that she wants to get married. I tried telling her I am not ready yet and it was too early for me. I tried to be very polite and calm, explaining to her how its a huge decision and I don’t want to rush things. Since then, she would bring up the topic, almost every 1-2 weeks. A couple of times, she asked me on a scale of 1-10, how close am I to propose to her. She framed it as joke, but I really know she is looking for an answer and is getting impatient. It hurts me every time she asks, because I know she is in pain. She now thinks that I too will leave her like all her other boyfriends, which is something I have tried to reassure to her, but she asks for marriage.
For the past month, I have been trying to put up a smile, stay happy, but it is killing me inside that I am giving her so much pain. I have not felt happy for the past 2 months, living with this guilt and I don’t know what to do. I keep telling her that all I want to focus on right now is to be happy, let us make sure we both are happy, but we seem to be having a hard time doing that.
To add to this mess, we actually date once before for 2 months before we broke up. That time, we broke up primarily because she was not over her ex (who works in the same team as her even today). They used to spend a lot of time together, go for concerts and lunches together. When I asked her if she ever wanted to get back, she would always say no. Then 2 days before her birthday, she told me she didn’t have any feelings for me and we broke up. I was in a different city that time and had planned to fly in on her birthday, just stay for dinner and go back. I had bought concert tickets for our favourite artist who was performing that weekend in her city. After we broke up, she went for that concert with her ex, on tickets that were my gift to her. She got back with her ex. That was my first breakup and I was broken. I really loved her and never really got over her. We got back when her ex broke up with her again, we started talking and decided to give it a shot again.
I honestly don’t know who to talk to. I am in a new city and I don’t have any friends here. My family is in a different county on the other side of the globe. I would really appreciate some advice.