"Girlfriend Purgatory"

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
1100 posts
Bumble bee

So…..6.5 years into a relationship and you’ve not had the “where is this going” talk?  Does he even know that you’re dying to get married and have kids?  


If he hasn’t brought up marriage and kids recently, then you need to.  No use trying to be a mind reader and guess what he may or may not be thinking, and no use staying in a relationship with a much older man who does not share the same life goals as you.  

Post # 3
7572 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
dgirl715 :  +1

Time to sit down and actually communicate your feelings on this subject to your partner, and ask him to be honest with you about his feelings re: marriage. Then report back about how it goes and the bees can advise you from there. 

Post # 4
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

Personally it always concerns me a bit when people have been dating this long but don’t feel like they can open up a proper, honest conversation about where things are going.  If the tone is empathetic and understanding I don’t think they have to be unpleasant.  I also think unfortunately it’s good practice for the life to come because life will always be full of unpleasant and awkward conversations.

Personally it would concern me if he went ring shopping and then all of a sudden…stopped.  It would make me want to know what changed.

Post # 5
2593 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

View original reply
Mariposies123 :  I know you said you don’t like talking about it, but if this is as important to you as it appears, you will have to have a talk with him. Sit down and have a conversation. It doesn’t need to be nagging or unpleasant. Just a “I’ve been thinking about our future. It is important that I get married and start a family. We’ve been together for 6.5 years and I feel ready to make the next step. I think you’ll be a great husband and father and I’m excited for the future, but I want to check in and see if we’re on the same wave length here. What are your feelings?”

Post # 6
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020

I see some of my situation in here..This is very hard and my heart goes out to OP. 

Communication is needed here.

You are both not getting younger.. so if he doesnt believe that he can be a father at 45… 46 is right after. You cant go backwards in age; that goes for you as well! Your childbearing years are NOW! if he cant come up with an agreeable timeline between you both… then maybe you will have to find someone else to experience this with…

Give him a chance and have a Serious talk with him, then reevaluate.

Post # 7
7790 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’ll never understand how this all isn’t part of the conversation and why so many women stay with men without some clear understanding and intent for where the relationship is leading. The challenge isn’t just to find someone you enjoy being with, it’s to find someone you want to be with who shares your values and wants the same things you want and, reasonably, wants these things within the same timeline.

You need to talk to him. If he’s the man you want to spend the rest of your life with the two of you will have to be able to have such conversations. Best of luck, Bee. 

Post # 8
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

View original reply
Mariposies123 :  It’s time to have that talk!!

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