Girlfriend unhappy with engagement ring

posted 1 year ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
1512 posts
Bumble bee

Return it, buy her a small.diamond that you could  pick together. I don’t see a problem. 

5 ct is pretty large. I find 1.5 ct bordering on too large, for me 

Post # 3
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Maybe she’s concerned it will look like a cocktail ring? Ask her what she had in mind? If you can return the one you brought and for the same cost get something she likes hen change the ring. She’s the one who has to wear it everyday so she has to be comfortable wearing it.

Post # 4
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey

I think she’s partially right on this. If the ring looks fake of a diamond, I know prefer a way smaller diamond any day. 

Post # 5
Member
3778 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

5 cts is very large regardless of finger size. I definitely see her point. There’s a lot of room between 1-5 carats. I literally don’t know of  anyone personally who has a ring that large. Did you even ask her if she’d be ok with a non diamond alternative?

Post # 6
Member
1500 posts
Bumble bee

LOL she would be okay if it was a 5 carat *diamond*? But it’s not okay because it’s a moissanite? But yet she told you not to spend too much?! Okayyyyyyy

If she wants a freaking 5 carat diamond maybe she should cough up some of her own money for it. 

Did you have much input from her when you picked the ring? 5 carats is very large so I could see the size being a bit much, especially if you’re not loaded. 

BUT she lost all credibility when she said it’d be fine if it was a diamond in the same size- that’s saying she was actually fine with the large size after all and therefore negating her argument that it was too much. The diamond isn’t too much, yet the moissanite was?! 

If she doesn’t want moissanite, then return it if possible and go to the store with her and have her pick a much smaller diamond. If she wants a bigger diamond out of your budget, then she can contribute 

Post # 7
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

5ct would be considered large in most circles. I’m sure it’s disappointing to you, but I’m sure she’s anticipating people remarking on the size (and presumed cost) of the Stone and having to explain that it’s “fake” over and over again. 

Find out what she would actually like, and find a way to make that work with your budget. 

Post # 8
Member
1529 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Not everyone is going to be happy with a simulant. Did you ask her if she wanted a diamond specifically, or if she would be happy with a non-diamond stone? That’s a good place to start. If she really has her heart set on a diamond, you should talk about what size and quality you can afford. Hopefully you can return the ring you bought and exchange for something she likes (and has a say in)!

Post # 9
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

I’m sorry she reacted badly. Is it returnable? Is there a style that she likes? I have an 8.5/9 size finger and have a 1/2ct center stone. I’m not sure what your budget is but there are several sites that have good prices for natural diamonds or maybe a smaller moissanite? Have you thought about asking her to look online or in store to see what size and style she likes? 

Post # 10
Member
3778 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

neverbeenstungbee :  I was taken aback a little by that at first too, but I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt and say she probably isn’t looking forward to having to explain to people over and over that it isn’t  “real”. I doubt she was actually expecting a 5 ct diamond.

Post # 11
Member
6716 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

First, anything in the 5 ct range is celebrity territory. Something like that should be agreed upon before you buy a ring. Likewise with a sim. Some people want one; others don’t, and if you aren’t positive she wants one, don’t go there.

Did you have any idea what she wanted before going all in on a ginormous sim?

Post # 12
Member
4807 posts
Honey bee

I can understand how she feels and there’s a couple of issues here. First, like it or not, many people think of moissanite as the same as cz –  an imposter or fake. It sounds like your fiance might be in this category. You could take her shopping to see what kind of ring she likes and eliminate the guessing game. Second, although I’m sure it’s a beautiful ring, but the questions and judgements it’s bound to provoke would get to be pretty old after a while. Maybe she would like a smaller stone.

I’m sure she loves you. Don’t let her feelings about a material object cloud your engagement. It’s just a ring after all.

Post # 13
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think your heart was in the right place and you paid very close attention to detail and had her happiness at the forefront, however, 5 carats is VERY large. And I do agree there is a difference between a 5 carat diamond and a 5 carat moissy in terms of pretentiousness. So I would return it. Then you two pick something out together. I think a 1-1.5 carat diamond or 2 carat moissy would be wonderful with her ring size. Not sure what a 5 carat moissanite costs, but I do know they aren’t “cheap” yes much cheaper than a diamond, but 5 carat must have been pricey and I am sure you could find her a moissanite or even a diamond that is smaller for a similar price. Best of luck. Do not take offense to this. This is not an uncommon thing. Women have to wear their rings every day and it most definitely should be something she loves and feels confident about. 

Post # 15
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2020 - Breckenridge, CO

I kinda see her point. I wouldn’t want to look pretentious either (but I don’t really understand why she would be ok with a 5 carat diamond if she’s worried about looking pretentious). I think you should return it and let her go with you to pick out a ring she likes. You don’t want her to hate her engagement ring! And you should get a say in what your ring looks like as well. 🙂 

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