Girlfriend unhappy with engagement ring

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2020

No offense but 5cts and moissanite are two things you should have consulted. Not all women are ok with alternative stones and that size is very big as well, if she wanted a diamond a moissanite that size can’t “pass”. I have nothing against alternative stones but those two factors should have been consulted first. 

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dundee :  

Post # 17
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2020 - City, State

So like… did she say yes? Because from your message the only reaction you mention is the one she had to the ring.

If she’s not thrilled to marry you regardless of the ring, I’d wonder if this is the girl for you. 

5c is large for my taste but even if my Fiance bought me a ring I thought was too big, I’d understand that he assumed bigger was better and wanted me to have the best and I’d feel loved and honored. I might find a nice polite way to say “hey, I love you and I really appreciate the ring you picked out for me, but I’m just concerned that if I’m going to be wearing this every day it might be a good idea to switch the stone out for something smaller. How would you feel about that?”

if she’s not considering your feelings in her reaction, you might be dodging a bullet here.

if she did actually try to say this as nicely as possible after having already said she’d be thrilled to spend the rest of her life with you, and you’re just taking her preferences personally, that’s another matter.

also, it’s not like the stone has to be either .5c or 5c. That’s a difference of a factor of ten. There’s a big range in there. If you really want to marry this girl, and she really wants to marry you, sell the stone and pick out another stone together (if she wants smaller, it’ll be less expensive and the difference can go towards resetting).

But if the ring is more important to her than the man, I’d be questioning whether this is really anmarriage you want.

Post # 18
Member
690 posts
Busy bee

There’s a massive difference between a 0.5ct-1ct diamond and a 5ct stone, diamond or moissanite… How come you didn’t go for something more medium sized and normal(for want of a better word..)- like – 1.5ct diamond?

Im not really getting either of your logics or reasonings to be honest.

Sorry she’s not happy with it, but it all seems a bit extreme to me

Post # 19
Member
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I don’t think most people would want a 5ct moissanite. It is quite ostentatious and a very out there choice so you can’t be annoyed that she doesn’t love it imo. I think if you give someone a gift you should be gracious if they don’t love it.

Post # 21
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2020

Smaller moissanites can look more diamond like which seems to be her goal, it sounds like she wants a diamond but will settle for a moissanite. Also, 5 CT’s is a ridiculously big ring for most people and 1/1.5 would give good coverage for a finger her size. I think the error was yours. Sorry. Hopefully you guys can figure out how not to lose the money and get her a ring she likes. 

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dundee :  

Post # 22
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

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dundee :  I’m sorry but 5 ct is gigantic.  Just from a quick Google search, “a GIA Certified 5 carat diamond will range between $46,750 and $737,000.”  A decent 1 ct diamond, on the other hand, could be had around $5,000.  Very few people would ask her if a 1ct moissanite is a diamond or not.  Everyone will assume a 5 ct stone is NOT a diamond.  See what we mean?  I totally understand why she wouldn’t be happy with this.  If she said moissanite was fine, she probably meant in the 1-2 ct range.

Can we see a photo?

Post # 23
Member
1413 posts
Bumble bee

Maybe it would be best to just give her a budget estimate and take her ring shopping.

 An alternate would be  offer to buy her a stone like a sapphire, morganite or whatever takes her fancy (and is in budget) and put it in the platinum setting that the moissanite is currently set in. Is it a peg head? Would it swap out?

Post # 24
Member
1519 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

View original reply
dundee :  This doesn’t mean she isn’t ok with a moissanite, I think the issue is the size. Perhaps 7 mm ~ 1.25 ct would be more “reasonable” looking for her?

Post # 25
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2018 - United Kingdom

You’re very right about being upset. But she also has a point but I think she couldn’t explain herself well maybe? I think what she meant was that she’d prefer something smaller so it actually is in the price range that you could afford in a diamond. She probably thought if she wears a 5 carat ring it’s too obvious it’s not a diamond. It’s okay for some people prefer a small diamond than another big stone  

I’d say, talk to her and understand what she really wants because she’s the one who’ll wear it. Go through the process of changing the ring together and don’t let it be a bad experience 😊 

Post # 26
Member
4026 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I seriously doubt people will question her about her stone being a diamond at 1 ct as much as they will 5 cts if at all. People tend to overthink how large 1 ct is, and in a solitaire it will look very proportionate on her hand and not draw negative attention. I’ve never had a single person ask me if my ring was real.

Post # 27
Member
2717 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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dundee :  well unless the two of you have enough disposable income as a couple to afford a 50 – 700k diamond then there’s no way she could logically “pass” it as such which is possibly way she wanted. Return the stone. Return the setting. Try again together. Maybe a 2-3ct diamond would be better. 

Post # 28
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

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dundee :  There is a big difference between getting moissanite in a smaller ct weight and a 5ct. Considerably few people can afford a 5ct diamond, so it absolutely will attract more questions than say a 1.5 ct moissanite (which is what I have).

Depending on her circle of friends, it’s very likely a 1-1.5 ct white stone won’t attract any “is it real?” questions. You’d have to constantly rub elbows with multi millionaires to not be asked if your 5ct ring is real or not.

Your heart was in the right place, I know you just wanted to get her good finger coverage and a ring she’d love and not want to upgrade down the line…but I think you went a little over the top here. Maybe shop for a replacement together?

Post # 30
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2000

 Gotta agree…. that’s kind of obnoxious and personally, I would be embarrassed to wear it.  I’m sorry 😬😕

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