Girlfriend unhappy with engagement ring

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 31
Member
2689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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kd1025 :  same ๐Ÿ˜ถ๐Ÿ˜ถ

Post # 32
Member
1707 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

The ring is beautiful…but it is a little much for something she’ll be wearing every day for the rest of her life. Just practically, that’s a big rock to have on your finger, imagine doing day to day activities with that. Especially if she doesn’t wear rings normally.

If you can’t return the stone, maybe get it set into a pendant?

Post # 34
Member
407 posts
Helper bee

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dundee :  

I feel for you – you chose a beautiful stone and the ring is very pretty, just not what she expected.

carat weight and proportions by measurement can differ as well, making it hard for the uninitiated to know how a specific atone will look on the hand. Your fiancée’s stone really does look huge, and I can see why she would feel like she might be doing a lot of explaining.

Rather than having this discussion with internet strangers, I suggest you talk to your fiancée. Perhaps you can source another stone from a local pawnshop or eBay that would better suit her tastes. 

I truly hope that the ring doesn’t overshadow the excitement of your engagement – I’m sure she is very excited! Congratulations! Now go work together as partners to solve this ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Post # 35
Member
4010 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

The picture of the ring you bought looks much larger than the images you just posted. It could be the way the other rings are set and sit lower to the finger. I agree with a previous poster who said that if you can’t return the stone, have it set as a pendant. I would be so self conscious of a ring that large when people know good and well I could never afford a diamond that size. I’d feel like a fraud. I know some people are perfectly content to have moissanites that large and rock them all day every day, but your fiancee clearly isn’t one of those people.

Post # 36
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2020

i think her ring is bigger than all of those, especially the Halo. At the end of the day she has to wear this ring forever and shouldn’t have to keep a ring she is embarrassed to wear. I would get her a new ring, her opinion matters here and obviously she is not happy. 

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dundee :  

Post # 37
Member
618 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2000

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dundee :  I’m sorry….I really didn’t mean to be harsh.  I just can understand why she’s upset.  I usually always take the guys side so this is new territory for me ๐Ÿ˜•.  I think it’s very sweet you put so much thought into it but I don’t think she’s being unreasonable for wanting something different.

 

good luck ๐Ÿ˜Š

Post # 38
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2020

I know Some women really care about the ring and that’s ok.. but I am an older bride and didn’t meet me FH until we were already in our 30’s and honest to god he could have proposed with a fake ring from Walmart and I wouldnt Have cared.. That isn’t what he proposed with but I waited for so long for my person the actual ring was insignificant compared to what it represented.. I also knew he couldn’t afford extravagant and we talked about budget and went to look at rings before he decided on the ring.. it’s all about communication and what is important to each lady.. 

Post # 39
Member
1508 posts
Bumble bee

The stone looks beautiful, but it is way too big for my taste, I would feel very uncomfortable wearing a stone that big as it looks gaudy and like costume jewellery. You clearly put a lot of thought into it so it’s such a shame it’s not turned out okay. I think 1-2ct would be a perfect more believable size.

Post # 40
Member
3042 posts
Sugar bee

From the photo you posted, it looks like costume jewelry.  And I’m sorry but a 5 ct moissanite is not going to pass as a diamond; most people will think it’s a CZ or something.  

I will be blunt – I would not have been happy with this ring.   For perspective, my rinfo size is about the same as hers and I wear a diamond that’s about 3.5 ct.  

Why did you jump right from ~1 carat to the 5 carat mark?  That seems really extreme.  I’m sure you had good intentions and just wanted to get her something big, beautiful and sparkly but she may be wondering why you got her an obviously “fake”/costume jewelry looking ring and how that reflects how you think of her.  

Post # 41
Member
3266 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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dundee :  dude why would you buy her a diamond simulant without clearing it with her first? Nevermind a huge 5ct equiv weight one to boot?!

I don’t blame her for being upset and embarrassed. Return it and buy her a smaller genuine diamond!

Post # 42
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

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dundee :  I think your 2D computations didn’t translate into 3D very well, but that was a creative idea.  There’s a reason jewelry is measured in millimeters… even 1 mm is a big difference!  I would say next time either a) get on some message boards and ask for some expert opinions before buying, or b) ask your SO… but what’s done is done, coulda woulda shoulda.

Here’s my advice.  Tell her how you tried to decide the best size for her.  Tell her you realize you goofed it.  Tell her you would like to pick out a new ring together, and she can think of this one as her placeholder.  Maybe one day, after she’s got the new one on her finger and you guys are married, you can sneak this one away and make her a pendant necklace with it.  Give it to her on your anniversary.  Have a laugh together.  Happily ever after.

Post # 43
Member
1658 posts
Bumble bee

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neverbeenstungbee :  I disagree that she loses credibility. Personally, I find spending thousands of dollars on a moissanite ring a waste of money. First, a moissanite of that size does not look like a diamond. Second, if I can draw an analogy, I would love an LV speedy, but would not be happy wearing a knockoff, even one made under ethical circumstances. 

Post # 44
Member
1707 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

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mrstodd2bee :  
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anonymousbee001 :  he did ask if she was okay with moissanite before purchasing, and she said she was. 

That being said…it’s one thing to be okay with a moissanite engagement ring and a very different thing to be okay with a 5ct moissanite engagement ring.

Post # 45
Member
285 posts
Helper bee

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mrstodd2bee :  the OP very clearly pointed out that she had said she was okay with moissanite. Before going out of your way to make him/her feel like crap, it would be good to read the OP’s posts. Moissanite is relatively mainstream these days. I don’t see why (especially if she’s said in passing that she’s okay with it) OP should have had to clear it with her. Then again, I suppose that has to do with whether or not you like the tradition of surprise. Had OP given her a sapphire I somehow doubt they’d be getting as much trouble over this. It’s a gift and the OP was honest about what the stone was. There’s no obligation for a person to disclose what materials a ring is made of before a proposal (and in the same vein there’s no obligation for a recipient to love a ring unconditionally either).

OP, it’s a beauty. It really is gorgeous and you obviously put a lot of effort and research into this… but it is huge. I wear a 3 carat equivalent on a size 6.5 (so similar finger coverage but a significantly smaller stone), that my husband surprised me with, and it’s a lot of ring. That said, I had already owned a few moissanites and was very comfortable “owning” it. 5 carats is a lot of ring for ANYONE, and don’t feel bad that she’s unsure about it. I love the idea a previous poster had about putting a gemstone in (since as it turns out she seems uncomfortable about having to explain a moissanite).

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