- 5 years ago
Greetings ladies. I come to you brokenhearted, in need of advice from the female perspective.
Last week, my girlfriend of 2.5 years told me that she needed space to figure out her feelings. Our relationship was very good for the first two years, with talk of marriage and family and the like. But in the fall we started growing apart. We both work full time while in grad school, and though we live very close to each other and would still see each other most every day, things got hard and we would have little fights here and there.
Eventually, I sat her down and asked her what I could do to try to make things better. Her response was that she felt “broken” inside, was “tired of being tired,” and just needed time to sort everything out. She also mentioned that she was having self-esteem and confidence issues, and felt as if she might not be “good enough” for me (she has had some mentally abusive relationships in the past). Though it killed me inside, I told her I understood and respected her decision, hoping that some time apart could make us better in the end. I assured her that she was more than good enough, more than what I deserve, but I could not convince her in that one conversation. We mutually agreed to not see other people during this time. As I was getting up to leave, she pulled me back and started to cry when she said “I love you and I’ll be back soon, I promise.”
This was nearly a week ago and we have not spoken since. I’m well aware of the fact that when a woman asks for space or a break, its her way of starting the breakup, and it will be an uphill battle to get her back. My gut instinct is to fight for her, but I know that I have to respect her decision if we are to have any hope in the future. I don’t want to come off as needy and smothering by contacting her and telling her I want to work things out, but at the same time I don’t want her to feel like I just don’t care, where she’ll eventually just forget about me and move on.
Though this week has been very hard on me, it has given me time to reconnect with some friends and family. More importantly, I can actually see things from her perspective now. There are things I need to work on to be a better man, not only for her, but for my life in general. It sucks that it has taken losing the girl I love more than anything to see this, but I guess that’s life.
I’ve come to this board seeking female perspectives. My mother and sister tell me that she really just needs time, while my male friends and relatives are brutally honest in their opinion that she wants to end things permanently but just feels bad doing it. Have any of you ladies out there gone through something like this with the man in your life? Any advice or input would be greatly appreciated.