(Closed) Girls, don’t let your clueless/selfish families dampen your day -it’s YOUR day!

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@debsdesk: 

Thank you. I decided long ago that this wedding was not going to be ruined by thoughless entitled people. I love them but I’m still dealing with emotional scars from my youth and I will not compromise my wedding

Post # 4
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Okie dokie then!

Post # 5
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Undecided

Post # 6
Member
1805 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

No really, i think it’s good to think about. 

I considered NOT inviting my mother but in the end I couldn’t do it because, well, she’s my MOTHER and Mothers are deified in our culture to the point that not inviting your mom to your wedding is pretty much unthinkable.     Unless she beat you daily or turned tricks in your living room when you were a child or something. It takes a lot for a Mom to be considered “bad” because of how we put moms on a pedestal. 

But you know what, I think some of us need permission, to know it is okay to leave the toxic people OUT of your wedding day.  I honestly wish I had had the courage to say NO to having my mom there.   Her negativity and BS didn’t ruin my day but it made things very melodramatic and stressful and I didn’t need it.  And in the end she accused me of not wanting her there and of only inviting her due to other people pressuring me so I wonder why I went against my own instincts!

Just sayin’.  Sometimes the pressure is heavy to have certain people present who really do NOT deserve an invite, and once they come and do their damage, well, you can’t go back in time and erase things that were said or done.

Post # 7
Member
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

could you be my mom? or better yet, FI’s mom…please? lol

Post # 8
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think it is very true that families have to remember that this is the couples day! There is a lot of stress surrounding planning a wedding and as a bride myself, all I seek for is keeping everyone happy and smiling and sometimes I feel it should be the other way around. I thank those involved with the planning of our wedding that have been supportive in ALL of our decisions!

Post # 9
Member
1805 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@janetmarie:  Exactly!  I was going crazy with the stress!  We planned our wedding for spring break.  We are both full time students with 3 kids also in school, and we live in Texas but married in Iowa… so we had all the stress you’d have from planning a big Spring Break trip for five people, PLUS the wedding planning.  OMG!  Yeah, we could have waited until summer but it was VERY important to us that we be there during colder weather, and hopefully have some snow experiences (and we did! yay!)

So right before the wedding we were having midterms and all… I was literally getting sick from the stress.   And I don’t have a lot of family/friends helping, so when my mom said she wanted to come up to Iowa early to “help” I bought it.  And she didn’t help at all, just added to the stress of one more person to “keep happy”!  Pffft,.  I couldn’t get her to do ONE thing to help out in that crazy week leading up to the wedding.

Post # 10
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@debsdesk: Thanks for your post.  It’s really nice to see such a supportive mother out there.  There are a lot of people who seem to catch a thrill out of being mean to others, especially when it’s supposed to be such a happy and special day.  Hope your daughter had an amazing day!

@MsInterpret: You’re right.  It does seem like we need permission of some kind to keep out all those horrible, toxic people (that don’t seem to have any consideration for our feelings) but even with the permission, we still feel bad.  I find that the most sensitive people in my family are the ones that are the rudest and the most out-spoken.  I am sorry that your mother put you through all that stress and I am glad that you had a great day despite her best efforts to the contrary.

Post # 12
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Thank you so much for this post.  I really needed to read it today.

The topic ‘Girls, don’t let your clueless/selfish families dampen your day -it’s YOUR day!’ is closed to new replies.

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