Post # 1
My fiance’s bachelor party is coming up, and it was originally supposed to be a pub crawl with the night ending at a friend’s apartment. This same friend is also graduating the day before, so he decided to combine his graduation party and the bachelor party into one huge house party. Ok, fine. So here’s my beef:
It’s no longer a bachelor party in my eyes because half the guest list consists of girls that we’re all friends with and girls from the host’s school. I’m glad he’s not having strippers, but this is somehow worse.
I was not invited, nor were a few of my other bridesmaids, but their boyfriends were. I understand that the bride shouldn’t be at the bachelor party, unless maybe you’re doing a combined bachelor/bachelorette party. But does anyone else find it rude to invite a bunch of girls and exclude the bride/bridesmaids? This is not a bachelor party, this is a house party that I am not invited to.
I don’t know how to fix this. Even if I end up being invited, the damage is done. My feelings are hurt and I’m very insulted, and I don’t want to be invited out of pity. I don’t know how much my fiance knew about it, but I’m pretty sure he at least knew there was a good chance of girls being invited. He doesn’t know that I know about all of this, but I’ve been quiet around him for the past couple of days and it’s to the point now where he’s mad at me for not telling him what’s bothering me.
I don’t want to ruin his party, but I am so hurt, I don’t know what to do. Also, some of the girls that are going to this party were invited to my bachelorette party, and they completely blew it off. Yet I’m supposed to have them all at my wedding and provide food, drinks, and entertainment. Any advice???
Post # 3
Wow, yeah, I would be extremely unhappy with this decision. In my mind, that’s not even a bachelor party. I thought bachelor parties were supposed to be a big masculine last hoorah. This sounds just like a college party that you weren’t invited to. Like something everyone will be talking about, but you and your BMs will not experience.
I would just tell him how you feel. To invite girls to his bachelor party and for you not to be one of those girls is hurtful. What, in his mind, is the purpose of his bachelor party? Maybe start from there.
Post # 4
@LizLemon: This sounds just like a college party that you weren’t invited to
my thoughts exactly. Everything about this sounds wrong.
Post # 5
This would make me uncomfortable. It’s one thing for it to be guys night, but if there are other women there, then you’re just being left out. Please talk to him! He might be totally unaware that this is innapropriate. Men are thick skulled sometimes.
Post # 6
@hexme5: It’s not a typical bachelor party. However, the guy who is throwing the party does have the right to invite whomever he chooses. I would think your Fiance would be insulted at the combo bach/grad party thing. He is supposed to be the guest of honor and the attention focused on him, for the most part. Now it’s not about him any more at all. It honestly sounds like a dumb idea to me.
I would let your Fiance handle this however he chooses to. He can put forth the idea that since the other men are having their girls come to the “combo” party, then why can’t he and the other groomsmen have their girls come too? That seems like a fair compromise.
But if he goes and you’re not invited, try not to stress too much or worry about anything if these girls are just guests or friends and not strippers or exes or whatever. It should be pretty clear to everyone that your Fiance is taken and off the market, and if you trust him, there should be no issue about that.
Edit: I do feel it’s very rude of this guy to not invite you and your bridesmaids. However, I think he’s just being cheap and lazy, and having one party instead of TWO, like he SHOULD be having. What an ass! I don’t blame you for being pissed off. But try not to let it hurt you. You should go and have fun with your girls that night. Or crash their party as a PP suggested, I would, haha! 😉
Post # 7
If it were me, I’d probably crash it or send a friend as a “spy.”
Post # 8
NO. it’s a BACHELOR party. NO girls. Uh uh. I’d feel the SAME way. no no no. My Fiance said he would either a) tell his homie that NO GIRLS were allowed or b) if it was out of his hands he’d cancel/reschedule. It’s not fair for him to put you in that position. You shouldn’t have to give him an ultimatum. You being so upset should be enough. And I really don’t think it’s about trust either. I trust my Fiance but if I was in this situation I would be LIVID. sorry hun, keep us posted!
Post # 9
Sounds like a lame bachelor party to me.
Post # 10
@Arjuna: yes!! If there are girls, this isn’t a bachelor weekend. I’d go too.
@hexme5: You going isn’t “ruining” his party ( you’re his wife to be!). I undertand the damage is done but you gotta talk to your hubby about it.
Post # 12
That’s different. I agree with someone else who said it sounds like a college frat party. I wouldn’t keep giving your Fiance the silent treatment. Just spill it and tell him what’s bugging you. Let him know you’re hurt. For all you know, he may think it’s odd too.
Post # 13
At first I thought, “Well one my best friend’s that’s a guy came to the pub during my bachlorette, and my Maid/Matron of Honor asked my other guy friend’s that I was close with to come too, but they weren’t able to, so what’s the big deal with having girls at a bachelor party?” But, I read further and I agree with everything @Sunfire: said. If they were close with your Fiance, then different story, but it sounds like this dude is just being lazy.
Post # 14
Yep. This would make me uncomfortable. As soon as the host decided to make it his graduation party, you should have been invited.
Post # 15
I would talk to him about it. The whole idea would piss me off too, but I’d tell him it’s bothering me instead of giving him the silent treatment. Now that it’s a combined party and not just a bachelor party, you should be invited.
Post # 16
There were two guys at my bachelorette party — boyfriends of two of the girls, who were brought along as DDs for the rest of us — and even just having the two of them there made me feel like it wasn’t a proper bachelorette party! (I mean it was, but I still wish the DDs could have at least been female!)
So odds are, if your Fiance has an idea in his head of what a bachelor party should be, he’s also not happy with this weirdo combined party. Maybe if you say something about how it’s bothering you, he’ll find his voice to say that he thinks it’s crap too and something must be done!