Post # 1
I am very curious to see your opinions on this. I just listened to a popular podcast about a narcissistic woman asking why her guy friend’s gfs always end up hating her. After listening to her letter, you could tell she was quite full of herself and it did sound like she may have been a little too flirty with her male friends and may have alienated their gfs.
The people answering her letter, basically responded how I expected; that she was narcissistic, tries to exclude the gfs, etc. However, what bothered me about their response was that they were basically saying that all women who have a lot of guy friends are like this. I found that statement to be rather ignorant.
In my experience, being a nerdy and creative individual, but still feminine in my own way, I’ve always had a lot of guy friends growing up. I was friends with females too, but I carefully chose them. I have trust issues with women – I don’t know what their true intentions are; I’ve been screwed over by almost all of my females friends. I believe that those experiences have shaped the person I have become. From an verbally abusive and manipulative ex step-mom to jealous, back-stabbing friends, I’ve realized that it has always been women who have treated me the worst through-out my life.
So, I don’t think it’s fair for people to make blanket statements like that, especially when they have no idea what the person has gone through. You should choose your friends based on your similar tastes and interests, not their sex. As long as you are a genuine person and keep things strictly platonic, I don’t see any issue with it.
I wonder if any of you ladies agree with me and have been treated badly by women your entire life, and prefer to hang out with men instead? Or do you agree with the people on the podcast and think that all women who have a lot of guy friends are attention seeking whores? (Their words, not mine)
Post # 2
In general I think women are too much drama!
Most of my friends are men, because I find them to be way more laid back and easy going 😊
Post # 3
Your post is full of contradictions. Yes, experiences shape who we are, but you can’t write off all women because you had bad experiences. There are a lot of wonderful women, just as there are a lot of wonderful men.
Every statement you made “against” women could be true for men. I mean, you don’t know ANYONE’s intentions, really.
Frankly, every woman I know who “can’t be friends with women” is typically very immature and short-sighted. Out of millions of women in the world you can’t possibly bond with ONE? Come on.
Post # 5
Meh, I don’t think blanket statements are ever accurate and I choose to judge people on an individual basis. I would say these days I have an equal number of male and female friends. But through out most of my life, I have had pretty predominantly male friends. I only have brothers, I work in a field that is almost entirely male, and my recreational activities aren’t really things that a lot of women participate in. Those factors just sort of led to most of my friends being male. But I have also always had my core group of girlfriends from high school that don’t care that I have weird hobbies or work in a dirty job. They have always been there for me. I was bullied to an extreme degree in high school, including 2 attempted murders (one with a vehicle and one with a baseball bat) by a group of girls, which led to me having some pretty major issues bonding with women for about a decade. But my main girlfriends have never wavered in their friendship to me.
Sorry for the rambling! I would say that both sides have some truth to them. Some women who only hang out with guys are probably seeking attention. But others are simply in situations where there are more guys around to be friends with, whilst others might just be more comfortable around men. Everyone has their own individual reasoning…
Post # 6
saratiara2 : No, I have a best friend, and another close friend that both are women. But they are very easy going and they are not dramatic, like a previous poster mentioned.
I just mean, in general, from my experience, women have treated me like shit. So I am very wary when trying to be “friends” with one. I don’t like liars, manipulators, or women who thrive on drama. And it’s sad to say, but a lot are like this.
Post # 7
Stereotypes fail because there are good and bad in all genders, because people.
ETA based on your update, and there are a lot of crappy men, too. Again, it’s about over- generalizing. There are plenty of non-dramatic women. If someone thinks all women are bad, they are picking the wrong women to hang out with.
Post # 8
There are no men who thrive on drama?
Just because you’ve been burned by a few women does not mean that all women are drama queens who you can’t be friends with.
Post # 8
saratiara2 : And, you’re doing exactly what the people on the podcast did. Insulting those who don’t want to be friends with women. I think that’s pretty immature, and unfair.
Post # 10
I don’t even see this as a gender thing. OP I’m really sorry you’ve had bad experiences with women in your life but you are kind of turning this into a blanket thing yourself. Of course women and men can be platonic friends.
To be clear, I think the problem here is the partner and not the girl! Even if she came across as narcissistic or unlikeable in her letter, it is the partner’s job to care for his SO and respect her boundaries, and cut contact with a friend who is not doing the same. Not everyone is in a relationship where they have the same boundaries as their SO regarding touch, flirting, time apart, etc. The important thing is for both people in the friendship to be respectful of SO’s boundaries. Then everyone can be friends no problem.
Post # 11
desertgypsy : how awful, I’m horrified that you went through that in high school. You’re always so kind on the boards. Glad you had a few solid girl friends who stood by you.
Post # 12
clcbride : i do think it’s immature to say that a lot of women are liars, or manipulators. Sorry, not sorry.
I personally don’t care who you choose to be friends with, but i believe society puts women down enough, we don’t need to be negatively categorizing one another, and bringing ourselves down from the inside, so to speak.
Maybe all the women you become friends with are that way because you believe they will be. Maybe it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Or maybe you have a tough time connecting with great women because you didn’t have role models of that in your life. But to say all women are a certain way is offensive.
I have amazing women in my life, and it’s not because I’m lucky or special enough to find the only ones who exist.
Post # 13
dollie87 : I’m not making a blanket statement. I simply disagreed with the people on the podcast, and was asking if others prefer men over women. And now some people on here are getting upset, and I don’t know why.
Post # 14
I think you should pick friends based on qualities, not on genitalia or gender.
Post # 15
Most people mistakenly think narcissists love themselves. In truth, they are self-obsessed not in love with what they find inside. People who truly love themselves are self-assured and don’t need external validation to feel good. Someone who keeps around a group of men as ready admirers is doing that because they have nothing inside they can draw upon for that affirmation.
You can have lots of guy friends and not be a narcissist, for sure. It all depends on what you are seeking in the relationship. I used to have many more men friends than women. When I was younger, I got feedback that a lot of women found me abrasive, vulgar, and unfeminine. Men appreciated that I was forthright, hard to offend, and “one of the guys.”
Over time I started to reflect on what was going on. My mother is a misogynist. She fundamentally dislikes women. Including herself – and me. She wanted a son, and she made it clear I have been disappointing her ever since. I think I was trying to be a boy to gain her approval, and neglecting an important part of who I was.
And since men were just better I was looking for approval from men. It was also much easier to get. I didn’t have to be nice, or caring, or vulnerable. I just had to be a smartass. And hot.
Eventually, I realized many of my guy “friends” wanted to sleep with me (Duh) and they were really just waiting around to see if that might happen. Once that occurred to me, I saw how hollow their friendship was and started to understand women – including myself – can be lovely and wonderful. They can also be complete assholes, but that’s definitely not gender specific.
Now I have lots of women friends, and the relationships I do have with men are with people who genuinely care about me and are much more rewarding. The common thread is caring; not gender.