Post # 76
I have had and have many women friends both close and casual. I have never, not ever , found them to be ‘drama’ . Neither, incidentally , have any of them had this as an experience . I should add too that these are woman of many types, some professional, some not , some young , some old, some very emotional, some not , some very left wing, others not – whatever.
Frankly, I think a woman who finds other women to be ‘drama’ and asserts they mostly treat her like shit may actually be the common denominator , or at least be a seriously bad judge of character . Or have taken on board – perhaps unconsciously – some of the widely disseminated sexist /mysogynist popular culture notions abounding nowadays .
Post # 77
clcbride : hi, OP. You have over 60 responses, I haven’t read most of them at the time of my response to you, so I’m not sure if someone else has already pointed out the blatant hypocrisy in your original question. You basically say that women are flawed and intolerable, then go on to say that it’s wrong to make blanket statements (about women who don’t get along with other women.)
In my experience, women who don’t get along with ANY other women are the ones with the problem. Your philosophy entails all women being the same (hence the blanket statement), when surely there are other “nerdy, creative and feminine” women out there with whom you’d be compatible for friendship. I find it hard to believe that you haven’t encountered any if you pursue any interests (for example, comic book conventions or whatever you’re into).
Many people, as you heard on the podcast, think similarly to me. If you’ve literally had a problem with every female you’ve tried to be friends with, the common denominator is you. Do you really think you’re the only “cool” woman alive? All others are problematic? Myself and several others doubt that.
I’ve always been a girl’s girl. And in fact, my biggest feuds happen to have been with guys I was formerly friends with. In my experiences, several of them pretended they were content just being friends and then after several months or in a few cases years, they ended up wanting to sleep with me and flipped out when I wasn’t interested, ruining the friendship. For the record, I don’t think that all guys are immature horn balls as a result of these experiences.
Post # 78
clcbride : In response to your 2nd post on the 2nd page, you say all your girlfriends just wanted to focus on looks and guys… then say one girl dated a guy you like. Sounds like you wanted to focus on guys too. The fact of the matter is, girls who surround themselves with a bunch of guys love the easy attention they get from being the only girl in the group and having no direct competition. You even stated yourself that you’ve felt girls were competitive with you, which is a two way street. Being with all guys eliminates that competition. And I’ll bet you hate how the dynamics of the group shifts when another girl is around. It’s just very transparent, everyone can see what you’re doing from a mile away (not necessarily you in particular, but the “Elaine” of any given group.) That reminds me of the scene in Seinfeld when Kramer tells Elaine that she’s just one of those women who hates other women and they hate her. There are some women that are like this, but there’s always a deeper reason and it lays within you. There’s some reason you’re off-putting to other women. It’s not something we all experience (clearly.) I’d be careful not to make the assumption, as many women that don’t get along with other women do, that it’s a complimentary trait about you that makes other women jealous. That very likely isn’t true. There are some drop dead gorgeous women who get along with other women, so you’ll have to accept that there’s another reason.
Post # 79
Post # 80
butterfly67 : I get it that it’s annoying to pounce on a technicality that not ALL women are like that, and that men and women are fundamentally different in many ways, but even your phrase that stereotypical male traits are easier to get along with than stereotypical female traits is largely subjective and erroneous. It depends on your interests. If you happen to have a personality that jives with stereotypical male traits, that’s a byproduct of your chemistry. That doesn’t make men generally easier to get along with than women. Me? I like make up, watching Will and Grace, cute kitten videos, social media posting and talking about boys. Clearly the personality types I jive with tend to be girls and gay guys.
But back to you. I disagree that women are more sensitive and prone to drama. As a PP mentioned, open a textbook and see all the drama men have caused. It’s just how your particular chemistry jives with that of most women, and nothing more. Please avoid making yourself sound ignorant by claiming you can’t get along with women because men are allegedly drama free.
Post # 81
clcbride : I’m a big believer in the common denominator. I’ve never had issues with male or female friends. It’s interesting to see that you’ve had so much trouble with women.
I’d also like to add that my grandmother who had narcissistic tendencies had a difficult time forming friendships with women. She had lots of male friends. I think honestly that women saw through her and realised distancing them self was the best option
Post # 82
clcbride : OP I personally don’t understand qualifying friends by their gender. I just have friends. Some are male, some are female and some identify as neither male nor female. They are just friends and that friendship is based on many things like personality, shared interests and general qualities they have.
But I am going to say oh boy the hypocrisy on this thread. I don’t agree with what you said/your view or those that expessed similar views (about drama etc) but people pulling you apart for saying statements like you did and then saying equally ridiculous blanket statements about you. As you can clearly see both sides are ugly.
Also want to say it is very common on here for people to be very anti opposite sex friends so this particulary forum has a very large bias.
Post # 83
cmsgirl : you make a good point about your grandmother. Sometimes when several girls have a negative reaction to one girl in particular, it’s because they can see her flaws more clearly than guys can. People tend to be more insightful about their own kind (race, gender, age group, any other strong common factors.) They can see through her. I read an article a few years ago about warning signs men should look for when dating someone new, and one of them was “she doesn’t have any female friends” for this reason.
Post # 84
I prefer to hang out with guys. And some of my guy friends’ gfs hated me, and some of them I became good friends with.
I’m nerdy too. I like cars, football and beer and I hate shopping and wearing dresses and makeup. I just relate a lot more to men then I do to women. The confident girlfriends can see this about me and have no problem with me. It’s the insecure ones who have an issue with me. If they’d just logically look at my relationship with their boyfriends, they’d see it. Most of these guys I’ve been friends with for over a decade. If we wanted to date, we would’ve by now. I’m not flirty (never been good at flirting even when I want to be), we don’t ever touch except for the occasional hello hug if I haven’t seen someone in a while. I treat my guy friends exactly as I would my girl friends and I even wingman for them. I’m not hideous or anything but my guy friends don’t see a “woman” when they look at me. They just see a buddy- or so I perceive.
That blanket statement about women being narcissistic is so wrong in my opinion. I’m sure there are some that are like that of course. And to be honest, I don’t know if I’m the norm or the exception. I’ve never given it that much thought.
What’s funny is that this is such an issue for men with women friends. But my now fiance took to my guy friends instantly when I first introduced them all and now we’re just all good friends. It really is easier with guys for me.
Post # 85
clcbride : A lot of women are “liars, manipulator and thrive on drama”, wow what a ridiculous comment, and you don’t see why people are upset?
Post # 86
My closest friends have been girls/women. For me it was easier to relate and talk about very personal things with them. It doesnt mean I can be good friends with all women. Im not going to be friends with highly dramatic, attention-seeking, drama seeking, vain, superficial or catty women. There are wonderful sweet women that I have met where we have things in common and love to laugh. In the past alot of guys who I was friends with ended up wanting to date or have sex. Not all though. I am also nerdy, a homebody, like reading, and watching football.
Post # 87
I have a lot of male and female friends myself. I prefer male friends but I have female friends too cause it’s important to have friends the same gender as you,
Post # 88
clcbride : Interesting thread.
My closest friends are men. I do have some really good female friends too though. Like you, I make friends based on mutual interests and values, not their sex. I play drums in a punk band, I’m into music, video games, I think my sense of humor is more masculine than feminine. Often I don’t understand girl drama. That being said, I have a lot of ‘girly’ qualities too.
When I was younger I tried to force friendships with women (my BF’ (now DH)’s friends’ girlfriends for the most part) because I felt like I had to have ‘girlfriends’. This was pleasant enough but I never really felt in my element. I have been treated badly by women as well, but this doesn’t stop me from making female friends when I can. I have a few great ones!