Post # 1
So, let me preface- I love my in-laws…. in small doses. They’re very very kind, helpful, good people.
They live 3 hours away- and my hubby works most weekends- so we don’t see them often.
I got a text from Mother-In-Law Friday night asking me to go with her, my SIL, niece and an aunt to Myrtle Beach this summer for 5 days.
Well, the thing is the niece is…. less than pleasant to be around (she’s 8 and an only child/grandchild/kid in the family on both sides– who everyone thinks is SO precious and adorable- I do not think she’s cute and she’s got a major case of spoiled brat) . She is OK when she’s not around her mother (SIL)…. but is whiney, selfish and annoying when she is. Every time I’ve been around her… there is a minimum of one huge screaming match between mom and daughter. When they come out to our house- I usually have to take a “nap” just to get away from the bickering. They just wear me out.
I know I SHOULD go… I’m off (no excuse not to)… We’re not going on vacation this year b/c we just bought a house. I’d like to go just to get to know them better and spend time with his mom, sister and aunt… But, I just don’t want to if the niece is going.
What do I do?
Post # 3
Well, it sounds like niece is going, and you said you don’t want to go if she is going. So are you looking for ways to politely decline?
Depending on your work situation (this wouldn’t work if you’re a teacher with summers off, for example), I’d probably say something like, “That is such a nice invitation! I’d love to, but that is a super busy time for me at work and I can’t get the days off approved. But I’ve been wanting to get down to see you soon. Next time I’m in town, maybe you, aunt, SIL, and I could plan a girl’s night out – I know a great wine bar over near you. How do the weekends of June 15 or July 7 look?”
Something along those lines – give a plausible excuse but then request time together in a setting that wouldn’t be good for a little kid.
The other thing I’ll encourage you on is that my cousin really was kind of irritating to be around from 8 – 11. Once she turned 12, it was a definite corner of her growing up. I know that’s a few years off for you, but hopefully that will happen at some point.
The other option is just to go and take headphones or be prepared to go “take naps” when she acts up. Or you could invite aunt/MIL out for a walk or something else when she starts misbehaving, remove yourself and the others from the situation.
I guess I’d say I do think you should go, but if you choose not to, I think there are gracious ways to get out of it.
Post # 4
@mrsc630: Hats off to you for actually liking your in-laws! If my Mother-In-Law invited me on a girls vacation with her and my SIL I would want to say NO because I wouldn’t want to spend time with her or my SIL. eek! 8 years old is such a tough age, because they demand a LOT of attention, are sassy and know it alls. I’m not a huge fan of the age and if the mom tolerates the whiny behavior it makes it miserable for everyone else who has to deal with it and 5 days is forever!
I guess the question you have to ask yourself is would you be offended/would your feelings be hurt if you found out about the trip after the fact and knew that you weren’t included? If your answer is yes that your feelings would be hurt that your in-laws didn’t include you in a family girls trip then you should probably go. But if you are indifferent about it then politely decline, “finances are tight since you bought the house this year, it’s just not in the budget but you truly appreciate being included.”
Listen to your gut and do what you think you can best tolerate it might give you some good auntie/niece bonding time too.
Good luck, let us know what you decide!
Post # 5
Thanks for the replies… I am a teacher… of 2nd graders- so I guess that’s why I find it difficult to deal with the niece. I KNOW no one wants advise about how to “deal” with their kids— but it’s pretty obvious what is wrong. I deal with this child psych stuff day in day out- I always get the “high maintenance” behavior kids- it’s a gift I guess lol.
I decided to suck it up and go. It’ll be fun right? Right??? lol. Worst case scenario- I’ll read and listen to music on the beach and block out all the…. “fun”.
Post # 6
I could manage to have fun and ignore the niece! I can’t say no to vacation. I wish my Mother-In-Law and SIL would invite me to hang out with them more often. It’s tough being away from my mom and sister’s. 🙁