Post # 1
Future Sister-In-Law is getting married this Saturday. I wasn’t invited to the wedding because SO’s parents don’t like me. FSIL had no choice but to leave me off the guest list because her parents were paying for the wedding. She said she has no issue with me and that she will make me feel welcome into the family, even if Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law don’t. So all is good there between me and her. I know that guests list can be drama inducing and the last thing I need to do us lay heat on her for not inviting me.
Question: do I send a card saying congratulations? A part of me is a little resentful/hurt that she didn’t make more of an effort to include me, just to keep her brother (my SO) happy. My SO didn’t want to go to the wedding but his sister said it would really hurt her. SO didn’t want to take it out on her, so he decided to go. The whole think just kind of sucks, especially since my SO’s brother is bringing his girlfriend who he met in October 🙁
I love making cards by hand and I think I do great work. But I also don’t want to send the message that I’m begging for approval. SO’s parents already made fun of me for sending them a card on their annivarsary (this was before I found out they didn’t like me) so I’m not sure if sending the sister a card will get the same result. Then again, if they want to laugh at me, that’s their problem. I just want to be the better person and say, “no hard feelings”. She will be in my life for a long time. I am a little undecided and want your help! 🙂
Post # 3
I think that, if you have a good relationship with her, you should send a card, or at the very least sign the card from your SO.
Post # 4
kill with kindness most definately. I am assuming your Fiance was invited, is this super intimate wedding? It seems strange to leave off a Fiance, but I guess I don’t know the situation.
I say send a super cute card with a lovely message inside and hope she hangs it on her fridge when Future Mother-In-Law goes over.
Post # 5
You don’t break up units like BF/GF, H/W when invinting to weddings. That’s is just awful that they did that.
So they really invited your SO but not you?
I’d send a card to be the better person.
Post # 6
In the end these thing are always going to happen, and it is clear you SO is going to still be involved with his family. At this point you need decide if you want to attempt to be a part of thier lives or stick with the ultimatum he gave his family. If your FI really is going without you, I would send a card with him from ALL of you.
Post # 7
@globalmargaret: We aren’t engaged yet, but we will be soon. The only thing that gets me is that SO’s brother is bringing his Girlfriend of 6 months.
Post # 8
People are horrible. If there’s no hard feelings between you and your Future Sister-In-Law, I’d send her a card with BOTH your name and your SO’s.
For some, parents are hard to stand up to, especially if they’re paying for the wedding in some way or other, so take this with a grain of salt and be the bigger person!
Post # 9
Ouch. I’d still give her a card though. It’s the parents who are being silly, not her,
Post # 10
I don’t think making her a card or signing the one from her brother will make it look like you are seeking her approval. If anything I think it makes you look classy and show that you are able to rise above and be the better person. In this case, I think killing with kindness wins. If anything it will remind them about how rude they were not to invite you.
Post # 11
Ouch. Yes I’d send a card for sure though. Let the family know who the bigger person is. Your heart is in the right place.
Post # 12
@ieatunicorns: I totally get your point. SO says he doesn’t want to hurt his sister by not going. He says it’s not her fault that his parents suck. Technically, it’s not his sister that’s excluding me, although maybe if she put up a fuss I could get invited, but I don’t need someone begging on my behalf. I’m better than that. If parents are paying for the wedding, Future Sister-In-Law probably thought she had no right to complain about their rules.
It’s going to suck seeing all the photos plastered on FB. I may deactivate my account for a while to avoid it.
Post # 13
Just send a card with him for the both of you. Take the high road especially if you and your Future Sister-In-Law have a good relationship. Showing her support now may encourage her to continue to be in your corner for future issues.
Post # 14
I think since she is on good terms with you, should at least send her a card. And like you said, their parents are paying for the wedding, it might be out of her control as well.
Post # 15
Yeah, I’d send the card since it’s not her fault her parents are wackos (I’ve read your other posts, I know they are!)
How’s it going with your SO’s cancer treatment??
Post # 16
@Robin_Sparkles: Thanks for asking! He completed 2 rounds of chemo and is getting his strength back 🙂