(Closed) Give up my dream wedding AND postpone my dream marriage… (long vent)

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: when should we get married?
    fall 2010 : (8 votes)
    73 %
    winter 2011 : (0 votes)
    spring 2011 : (1 votes)
    9 %
    summer 2012 : (0 votes)
    fall 2012 : (2 votes)
    18 %
    other - explain please! because I'm not seeing many other choices... : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    888 posts
    Busy bee

    HUGS.  I know how you feel.  Sometimes our situations are less than perfect but we have to make due with what is best for us.  I hate to say you should give up your dream wedding, can you perhaps find a NEW dream wedding?  Something that fits your budget and all of your concerns – if you poke around on the wedding blogs you might be inspired by things you never knew you would like!!

    Post # 4
    101 posts
    Blushing bee

    We are getting married in November of this year.  We got engaged last September.  Everyone was telling us to get married in the spring, but I think that’s mainly because we’re 40 and they want us to get to work on popping out babies asap.  First off, we are paying for everything ourselves and we couldn’t come up with that type of money that quickly.  And now I am really glad we didn’t pick June to get married.  My brother got sick and ended up in the hospital in May, and he died in June.  But, I would be dying if we got married in the summer.  I HATE the heat and would just look like one big hot mess if we got married in the summer. 

    Bottom line is this, it’s your wedding and your FH’s wedding.  Don’t listen to anyone else and just try to work out a compromise between the two of you.  You can do a fall 2010 wedding.  Trust me, you can do it.  The earlier you get everything booked, the more time  you have to pay it off.  If your parents or his parents were paying for it, then you are kind of stuck with doing things the way that they want them done.  Talk to him and tell him that you had your heart set on a fall wedding.  November is a great month, the prices go down, the chances of a heavy snowfall are pretty much non-existent (unless you’re living in Alaska) and it can be done!  Keep your chin up and good luck with the wedding!

    Post # 5
    1490 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    To bring all this up with your Fiance without going crazy – write a budget. A detailed, time based, multiple scenario budget.

    Factor in three hour plane flights, the savings of living with your parents, etc.

    Make sure you know how much the wedding would cost and don’t sugarcoat it! Remember that you’ll spend money on miscellaneous ribbon as well as on the per head catering fee. 

    If you do the research, you ought to be able to figure out with your combined salaries how long it would take you to save for the wedding.

    I’m sorry that this is getting hard! And no, you’re not being unreasonable to want to marry in a month other than your birth month. I think you should also talk to your Fiance about why he wants to postpone getting married and if it’s entirely a financial decision. Maybe he worries about being able to provide for you? I’m thinking maybe this discussion should come after the budget discussion. Being the overplanner that I am, I’d probably make a bunch of documents and email them to him so both of us would be able to look at the info at the same time. 

    Post # 6
    183 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    First of all I’d make sure he really wants to put the wedding off purely for financial reasons and not because he doesn’t want to get married so soon. Assuming that it is purely financial, you should discuss how much money you think your dream wedding will cost, how much money you have to spend on it if you get married fall 2010, and how much more you realistically expect to save up in those few extra months he’s talking about. Maybe make a list of areas you will be able to save more (ex: working longer) vs. where you’ll loose money (ex: part time job, insurance, etc) and talk it over.

    Also, I’m not sure what your idea of a dream wedding is, but make a list of your priorities and find out where you think you could cut back. If you could cut down your guest list a little you’d probably save a lot (especially true if you have a pricey dinner and have a bar).

    As wildstyle said, if you have to go with another month I’m sure you could make it into your dream wedding, just look around for some inspiration. What are your concerns about getting married the same month as your birthday? I got married 10 days before my birthday and it was fine. It was actually kinda nice because we were on our honeymoon in Paris and it gave me an extra reason to indulge in delicious pastries that day 🙂

    Post # 7
    2144 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Sounds like maybe you might have to choose either or. We can’t always have everything we want, even for our weddings unforuntaly. If you want the fancy venu (that sounds expensive) you may just have to push your wedding back. If you don’t mind cutting corners and not having quite everything you wanted, let you Fiance know that you don’t mind a cheaper wedding if you can have Fall of 2010.


    For the record, I was in a long distance relationship for 4 years. It SUCKED. We’d get to see each other for a week or so about 3 or 4 times a year. It’s really, really hard. We were lucky enough to be able to talk almost every night, but yeah, its just hard. Definitely not everyone can do it and kudos to you guys for staying strong. For us, we just couldnt take it anymore and I moved in with Mr. Joe (my boyfriend at the time) and his family. I left a lot behind and I gave up a lot (full tuition scholarship to ANY college of my choice in my home state) and maybe some people think it was a stupid decision, but so far, I have absolutely ZERO regrets. I think it was the best decision I’ve made yet.


    Just think things over and talk with your Fiance and in your heart you’ll know what the best thing to do is.

    Post # 8
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    If you are both in it for the long haul–2 years long distance is totally doable–then why don’t you get married after that’s all over with? Even though you haven’t been together very long, a LDR is VERY stressful and not for everyone. I advise that you don’t get married, THEN try to juggle it. It’s a very make it or break it kind of situation, and being a newlywed makes it much much harder and more difficult to navigate. Just my 2 cents being a long distance wife, going on my 4th year. I went 8 month intervals without seeing my SO and now we go anywhere between 5 and 8 weeks, depending on life. As long as you know there is an end, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

    Post # 9
    11325 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Why not have the wedding of your dreams when you want… but invite less people? If you were planning on 250 that would be a huge cost… cutting it down to 150 would probably save you more than you could save in a year anyways 🙂


    Good luck!

    Post # 10
    955 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I really think that you should go ahead with the wedding that you planned. I am long distance (only a 1.5 hour plane ride or 10 hour drive) from my Fiance and I think it is torture. I can’t imagine being on a 12 hour time difference! Bless you for doing that and making it work so well!

    I would calmly explain your concerns to your Fiance and try to compromise about the budget. There are a lot of ways that you could cut your costs (e.g., food options, limiting the guest list, etc.). That way everyone is happy 🙂

    Hang in there!!!!

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