Post # 1
Is it ok for us to give some people +1’s on their RSVP’s but not everyone?
We are getting married in my hometown, which a lot of my friends live their currently. If people are in a relationship, I’m happy to invite their SO. However, for our single friends, can we just invite them, or is that rude since we’re giving others the opportunity to bring a date? I just don’t want them bringing “friends” who weren’t invited, just b/c we don’t have like any extra space, so we’d have to not invite someone else. For some people traveling from out of town, etc. we’d also give them a +1 because of that consideration.
Thoughts on this topic and ettiquette?
Post # 3
@MadTownGirl: Etiquette states (and could we get a sticky on this one?) Social units must be invited together. Social units are 1. married 2. engaged 3. living together.
Non social units do not need to be invited with a date, though you can if you choose.
Also no one is a +1. All of your guests should be invited by name, and those not living together should receive invitations to their own addresses, if you want to follow the strictest etiquette.
Post # 4
Maybe you could invite just them, but offer to add +1’s if you get enough no responded.
Post # 5
I’m having the same issue. A majority of our friends are single and we don’t want them to just bring someone because they “can,” you know? I was thinking of leaving off the +1 option to those who I know are unattached and including it for those who are in a relationship, but don’t live together, since we would not invite their SO individually (since they’re not our direct friend).
Plus, we’re trying to keep it at 50, and I wouldn’t want to invite 25 and try to predict who would take us up on the option of bringing a guest just for the heck of it.
Post # 6
This issue comes up again and again and again. Etiquette dictates “social units” as being a mandatory +1, but people disagree on what a social unit is. Is it engaged/married/living together? But what about the couple that’s been together for 5 years and isn’t engaged yet? Etc, etc….
You don’t have to give ANYONE a +1 that you don’t feel good about. If you want to give Jane a +1 because you know her boyfriend of 5 months and think he’s a good dude, do it. If you also don’t want to give Sally a +1 because you know she has a new boyfriend every week, then don’t give Sally a +1.It doesn’t have to be equal rules for everyone.
We didn’t do “and guests” for anyone- we invited people specifically by name, and that included sending invites to people addressed to them and their bf or gf BY NAME, even if they weren’t living together. It got our point across, and no one was mad if they didn’t get a guest because it was obvious we weren’t giving out +1s, we were inviting specific people. As we got closer, I allowed some people guests because we were below our numbers. It all worked out.
Post # 7
Thanks for the clarification ladies.
@BetterSherm: This is such a tough one! My FI’s friends/fam are traveling from about 2 hours away, so I feel bad not including the +1 or “& Guest” option.
I think for those in question, I’m just going to address the invitation to their name and see how they RSVP. Many of my friends I don’t mind saying, “There are going to be about 20 single people there you know well…you’ll be fine” (we’re close enough for that and I’d say it with a smile!), but if some insist on bringing a date, or those out of town, we can just let it ride.
Post # 8
Although this will drive my family insane, I refuse to do +1s or “and guests”. I am going through facebook 3 weeks before I send out invites to get SO’s names for single guests (the majority of the guests are my FI’s friends, many of whom I’ve never met, but that is a whole different post). Anyone who doesn’t have a relationship status will be emailed to figure out if they are dating someone and would like to bring them to the wedding. The email will be something along the lines of:
We haven’t caught up in forever! EMP04 is in the process of addressing wedding invitations and she was wondering if there was a date that you wanted to bring the wedding. Because we haven’t talked in awhile, I figured it was best to check with you directly. If you could let me know her name in the next week, that would be great!
I want everyone to have the opportunity to bring someone, but I only have space for X number of people. We will do a B list if our close friends have dates, but we would love to prevent it if possible.
Post # 9
@MadTownGirl: Luckily, our out-of-town guests (which we highly doubt will come, actually) are all married or one “clan” all still live in the same house (18+-year-old children who are unattached and parents, such as aunts and uncles and cousins), so the +1 wouldn’t apply to them. It’s the locals in question! :)~
Post # 10
@MadTownGirl: I wouldn’t recommend waiting to see if people either ask or add and extra RSVP, which you let slide. #1 people shouldn’t ask you, it is rude. So rude people will get to bring an extra guest BECAUSE they are rude. #2 You are rewarding people who add an extra, which will further degrade people from ever doing the right thing.
If I got an invite to just me no date to a wedding 2 hours out of town, no guest, I would probably decline. It would chaffe my muffin to know that rude people who didn’t do the right thing got to go.
Post # 11
@MadTownGirl: I’m with you. My Fiance and I agreed that if someone is not in a long-term committed relationship, then we’re sorry, but they will not be able to bring a date. We want about 100 people at our wedding and we want people that we know there.