(Closed) Giving a gift when you're invited to wedding but not attending?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should invitees give gifts even if not attending the wedding? (choose as many as you want)
    Yes, always : (16 votes)
    14 %
    No, they never have to and it's not rude not to if you're not attending : (20 votes)
    18 %
    Yes, but smaller gift or less $ than if attending : (17 votes)
    15 %
    Yes, same price/amount as if attending : (6 votes)
    5 %
    Depends on closeness of relationship with groom/bride : (40 votes)
    35 %
    Send a card, but no gift is necessary : (14 votes)
    12 %
    Other described below : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    7908 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    In general, yes, but I also think it’s situational. On the reverse side, although I think guests should send a gift when not attending, I don’t think a bride and groom should expect such a gift or be surprised when one doesn’t come.

    Post # 4
    4528 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    I generally send a card with a smaller check, just to say that I’m remembering their special away even though I can’t be there. My friends are scattered, so I can’t always make it to every wedding

    Post # 5
    4416 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Certainly isn’t required to send a gift, and if the bride and groom are expecting a gift then they’re big giant @$$holes, honestly. But it is certainly a nice gesture — so I voted “depends on closeness.” I’d happily send a gift if friends were getting married and i couldn’t make it, but if a high school acquaintance sent me an invite and I wasn’t even sure why I was invited in the first place, I would just write something nice on the RSVP card as I declined and then be done with it.

    Post # 6
    299 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I usually send something if I can’t attend. If I am close to them I will send a gift.  If I am not particularly close to them it may be a card with a check or gift card. 

    Post # 7
    9239 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    I always do.

    Post # 8
    8474 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I’ve turned down 1 wedding invite and it was for a guy I grew up with but had absolutely no friendship with anymore.  Our parents were friends, and he lived a few houses down from me.  I didn’t send a gift, but now that I look back at it, I think I should have given a little something.k


    Oh and the few people who said no to my wedding didn’t send us gifts.


    Post # 9
    805 posts
    Busy bee

    I’ve had to turn down a wedding invite before and because it was someone I was pretty close to, I sent a gift of around $60.

    Post # 11
    2695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Gifts are never required, but if you’re invited you should at least send a card.  And if I were close with the couple, I’d also send a gift.

    Post # 12
    9692 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @Shkragoldfish:  I think you are “supposed to” but we don’t, especially when I know I was a B List invitee. If I can’t go (or don’t want to), then I am not taking up space at your venue or eating your food. I don’t feel obligated to give a gift. Maybe you “should” but I am saving money for my own wedding – I can’t afford to give gifts for events I don’t even attend. Also, if I don’t go, it is likely for a good reason and I wouldn’t want to give a gift to them anyway.

    Post # 13
    10454 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I think this depends on our relationship. If I am not that close, no gift. For family and close friends I would still send a gift. 

    Post # 14
    4688 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

    If we aren’t attending, we just send a smaller gift. We try to “cover our plate” but if we’re not eating a plate, we send a little less! Maybe $150 instead of $200.

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