Post # 1
Well, this one’s a mess. I’ve tried looking for posts on the same topic, but can’t find a scenario that matches so here goes…
So far it’s been a no brainer on who gets a plus 1 – all of our unmarried friends are either engaged or in very serious relationships, so we thought we wouldn’t have to deal with any should we or shouldn’t we plus one drama. Our stance is that we are only giving a plus one to those of our friends who are married, engaged, living together, or who are at least trending that way in their current relationships.
That being said, I have several single cousins, a few on my dad’s side and one on my mom’s. None of them are currently dating anyone, so, given our criteria for what would cosistute extending a plus one, we thought we were in the clear. However, my mother is INSISTENT that her sister’s son (he’s in his early 20s) get a plus one. My mother and her sister are inseparable, also, I grew up spending holidays solely with my mother’s side of the family. For this reason, my mother feels strongly that this cousin deserves special status and at least be given the opportunity to bring a guest, although she acknowledges that this is highly unlikely given that he’s not currently dating anyone. She also feels that he should be the only cousin to be allowed a plus one. She doesn’t think I should extend a plus one to any of my cousins on my dad’s side.
Aside from the fact that I completely disagree with singles bringing a plus one if they aren’t in a serious relationship, it seems totally unacceptable to me to set up special plus one rules for one cousin (or guest even!) and not have them apply to all!
Anyway, all that aside, I told my mother that if we were going to have a plus one for that cousin, I would be adding a plus one for all cousins, because you can’t have special rules to apply to some but not all. She responded that she was highly offended and hurt by my comment that there shouldn’t be special rules just for this one cousin.
I don’t understand why she would be offended and hurt??? I just think it’s wrong to allow one single cousin a plus one and not the others… am I crazy?!?
Post # 3
Don’t do it. You are in the right.
ETA: The most frusterating thing about this post to me is that it’s not like the COUSIN is asking for the +1, it’s your mom. On his behalf.
What if you tell your mother that if he asks for one, you will discuss it at that time. Until then, stop making problems where there aren’t any problems.
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
Stick to your guns! I don’t understand your mom’s reasoning…or why she is offended.
Post # 5
“First off, I don’t think someone who’s single and not even dating should be allowed a plus one, regardless of the likelihood of whether or not they’ll bring someone.”
I think some people will disagree with you here. I think anyone, single or not, deserves to bring a guest to a wedding they are going to (often traveling for) so that they have someone to eat with, dance with, etc. I think all the cousins should get plus ones.
Post # 6
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@MrsTVLover: +1, you’re judging your guests relationships on if you think they’re serious enough. Just let everyone have a guest so they have someone to enjoy the night with as PP said.
Post # 7
I don’t agree with your mother. I also don’t agree that you have to give plus ones to everyone you invite to your wedding. If they’re family, they should know enough people to feel comfortable I would guess
If you’re going to offend your mother either way, why not just say no to the one cousin and not invite any counsin plus ones?
I only gave plus ones to a work friend or two who really didn’t know many people at our wedding. I highly doubt that any of our other single friends who didn’t get one even noticed…
Post # 8
Don’t do it. Your mom needs to respect your decision. He obviously doesn’t fall into the guidelines you set for your guest list. It’s not like he’s going to your wedding alone. He’s family, he’ll have plenty of people to talk to. Your mother even said he probably won’t bring a date anyways. But if he does that’s an extra person you have to pay for. I don’t know your budget but personally we have the same guidelines for our wedding. The only cousins/friends that are getting a plus one are the ones in serious relationships, engaged, and or married. We can’t afford to give everyone a plus one..
Post # 9
+1s for truly single guests are a nice gesture, not a requirement. We only granted one true +1 (a companion for a widowed, elderly guest, so she could get to the wedding without too much difficulty).
Allowing this one cousin a +1 could open you up for criticism from the rest of your single friends.
Post # 10
Adults should be able to function at an adult event without having to tag along a +1… they’re adults for goodness sake! Also family will know tons of people there so he doesn’t need to bring someone. Stick to your guns, your mother is totally out of wack.
Post # 11
Hell no would I give him a plus one. We are doing our guest list pretty much the same way: married, engaged, living together, otherwise serious relationship are invited together. We have a set in stone number in mind and I am not cutting anyone special to us to just so some cousin can bring a date that I don’t know. F that.
Post # 12
NO way. If he can’t enjoy and celebrate without a random date, then he can just stay home.
Post # 13
@MrsTVLover: I disagree. I think plus ones when you’re not in a relationship really aren’t ecessary when you’re going to a family wedding. The point is supposed to be so that you have someone to talk to, dance with, etc. If you’re already going to have a bunch of family members at the wedding, who obviously you know, you really shouldn’t need to bring a friend too.
Post # 14
i don’t think you can pick and choose the +1s. either everyone gets one or no one gets one. BUT, if you must choose, then i think you should stick to the rule you’ve made up and your mom will have to deal. i mean, if she doesn’t think he’ll bring someone anyways, then what is the big deal?
Post # 15
No you are not crazy… you are using common sense on how to manage a Guest List / Keep costs down.
Your Mom here is clearly “playing favourites” to this particular Nephew of hers … and well that just isn’t right or fair to any of the other single Adult cousins…
In this day and age, when the cost per person Guest at a Wedding can range anywhere from say $ 25 up to or beyond $ 250 Dollars, I think it truly ridiculous that your Mom wants to make an “exception” when others are left out… OR spend the additional BIG BUCKS to add even more bodies.
Neither choice makes any sense to me.
Your solution is truly the best one… sticking with the ORIGINAL CRITERIA…
Married – Common Law – or Engaged (or longterm about to be Engaged) Couples ONLY
Post # 16
- Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center
This is why we are not havin a sit-down dinner. Buffet all the way! Bring whoever you want. Everyone gets a +1