(Closed) Giving Advice to Young Brides?

posted 6 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 76
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee

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Makemeamrs:  If you want to bring the law into, then I don’t think anyone who cannot legally drink should get married. 

Zhabeego is also right on point with why you cannot compare marriages in the past with todays marriages. I’m a kid who grew up in the 80’s early 90’s and divorced couples were STILL whispered about and pitied then. 

25 is not a bad “magical” number seeing as the part of the brain that controls reasoning and impulse is not fully developed until then. 

I think you said you were married for 2 years? Lots of marriages are great at 2 years. Talk to us in 7-10. 

The lowest divorce rates are among people who marry late with more education; the highest are among those who marry young with less education. You can look that up. 

It’s not even just about that though, when you are married you absolutely do stifle each other, if your husband has a job transfer but you adore your career, then one of you has to sacrifice, it would just be nice to have some experience on your own before we get into being responsible for someone else. And even if you all stay married, I saw what a family member was like after her husband died, she was so lost, she did not know what to do with herself, she had never  been alone, it wasn’t really grief, she’d been drugging his nightcaps with valium to get him out of her hair for years by then. That’s one of those “happy” couples who have been together forever. 

Post # 77
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee

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Makemeamrs:  Jesus, you keep telling everyone that they don’t know this young bride so basically shut up. Well know what? Her parents and sister do, and they absolutely have reservations, that tells me enough! 

The commentn on my previous post about being married for 2 years was for a previous poster, not you, I can’t figure out how to go back and add the name in the post though. 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by  jbella.
Post # 78
Member
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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jbella:  pretty sure I didn’t mention anything about the law… Maybe re-read my posts…. I am entitled to an opinion just as much as the next person. I stand by my opinion. I will absolutely not shut up! Clearly think you have it all figured out! Divorce is just as common among all age groups… And I will make myself clear again.. I am NOT a young bride. 

I adamantly feel no one should ever tell someone their marriage is destined to fail because they are young.. It’s bullshit plain and simple! And as far as your stifling comments goes… It’s actually called compromising! If my fiancé got a dream job that elevated our financial position that absolutely I would follow him in a heart beat, the same as I know he would so for me in a heart beat. 

So jbella… I think you are the one who should basically just shut up and agree to disagree 

Post # 80
Member
1031 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

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MissKebab:  My advice to a great marriage is to keep other people out of your marital affairs and keep God in your in all aspects of your affairs.   Never count each other’s injuries,  but never betray each other’s trust and always take great care of each other!

Post # 80
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

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MissKebab:  I’m pleased to see the update that they will wait! In the meantime, I think it would be very good for you and your family to keep in mind that she and he are going to get married eventually. Your parents would probably be good candidates for letting her know when they do ‘adult’ stuff, like pay utilities, set up insurance, renew their mortgage if they have one etc. what the process is and what it costs – that way she’ll have those things in mind when it’s time for her to do them herself. (The cost of utilities is still a mystery to me, TBH – I’ve always rented with most of them included. I dread the day when I have to deal with budgeting for utilities in a house). Budget is definitely a good thing in their situation – they have a lot longer to put aside money for their wedding, look around at options for decor, theme, colours etc. and figuring out all their details at the best price.  You can do things quick, high quality or cheap – pick two out of the three. Well – with a long engagement, they have. This also gives them time to talk about what their roadmap is for jobs/careers/future education/kids/home ownership/what they would do in the worst case scenario for each. 🙂  

 

eta: all of the young couples I know who got married young (when there wasn’t pregnancy involved) are still together, and all of them had long engagements. They have had ups and downs, but overall have been very happy.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by  babeba.

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