(Closed) Giving Birth and Family Members

posted 6 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I think that you are the one pushing the kid out so it should be your decision 😛 Will your family be staying in that area at that time? Do they plan to try to be there for the delivery? It definitely makes sense that they should know sooner… if you haven’t even gone to the hospital yet, your DH’s family might try to come over to your house or meet you at the hospital on your way in – all kinds of crazy. You just need to be as stress free as possible at that time.

By The Way, I can relate to your situation. I moved all the way across the country from PA to CO for my Darling Husband and his family is now relatively close while mine is a million miles away. I get along with them okay, but it’s not like you can just replace your own family with someone elses… especially when they are a totally different type of people than you’re used to! It was a huge sacrifice, and I wish my Darling Husband would stop forgetting it so often.

Post # 5
Member
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Its a tough decision. You have to explain to him that you dont want him constantly on the phone giving up dates and calling people that you need attion an help.

When I was in labor, my SO was constantly texting people and giving updates. Once one person knew it went like wild fire. I was annoyed in so many ways. He kept saying everyone is so excited and all this crap… really?

Post # 7
Member
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I get the trying to make everyone happy. It’s also a time for the two of you. Like i said explain to him how your feeling, and that you want the time for you and him. Its a new moment for you guys, the time you are becoming a family

Post # 8
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

If you haven’t already done so, read this and then decide if you really want to let them know asap. Even the most well intentioned in laws can turn into nightmares when it comes to their grandbabies being born. 

As for my opinion on the matter, this is a time between you and your husband. If you don’t want them there then they won’t be there. I guarantee that as soon as they’re told that you’re in labor (espeically if they’re attention whores), they’ll be camping out in that waiting room and annoying the shit out of you. I know that’s what my Mother-In-Law did when my SIL went into labor. She was there all god damn day. That will NOT happen when we eventually have a kid. 

Post # 9
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

This worries me, too.  I feel very strongly that labor and delivery is a time for you and your husband to meet your baby and be with them.  I don’t even really want anyone coming until the next day!  I mean, we’re going to be exhausted and in pain, and trying to learn how to take care of the baby!  Give us some time people!

Can you explain to your husband that you don’t want him on the phone/email..you want him present with you and the baby 100%.  Or, could you set some parameters that you notify family, but tell them you will be turning off the phone and will contact them when the baby is born? 

 

@engagedtopanda and MissSmurf – I am in the same situation.  We live far from my family, but close to my husbands, and it is just never the same.  It’s really hard!!

 

Post # 10
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

We didn’t tell anyone until bubs was born. I was induced so our families knew the induction date, but there were no updates through out the labour

Post # 11
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Normally I would say it makes total sense for both sets of parents to know at the same time – but I think that rule goes out the window when one set of parents lives super far away and can’t be there, and the other is super close and will disregard what you want regarding people at the hospital. You’re going through labor and you’re probably going to want to talk to your parents for support – I think your Darling Husband should get that. Does he not agree with your concerns about his family calling a bunch and coming up to the hospital when you’re ready? He needs to udnerstand that while it’s both of your baby, you are the one going through the intense experience of labor and as your husband you need him to be there for you and support you through it, and he can’t do that if he is busy with his family.

Another option though if you want to spare yourself the debating with him…let him go ahead and call his parents. But after that, he has to turn his phone off and can’t take anymore calls or texts, and his family doesn’t come in until you say okay. So they can come if they want, but they’ll be sitting in the waiting room for a really long time. No one is allowed to just barge into the room, I’m sure your hospital has rules in place against that, diiscuss the issue with them and they should be able to make sure it’s strictly enforced for you.

Post # 12
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Why don’t you just wait and tell everyone after the baby is born?  If your family is not nearby then what’s the difference when they are told?

Post # 14
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Miss Smurf:  We’re (hopefully) years from TTC but I’ve already read the whole thread (took weeks! lol). I had no idea the amount of drama that can be caused from just having a baby. I’ve already made tons of mental notes about what will and will not happen when it’s eventually our turn. Some of those stories are absolutely heartbreaking. For instance, if anyone besides my husband and medical staff even so much as think about touching my child before I do, they’ll have two broken wrists (and I’m not even joking). How anyone can think that’s appropriate is beyond me. 

Post # 15
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

As soon as you tell them they’ll show-up.  No matter how you say that it isn’t quite time.  My brother texted all of us that they were on the way to the hospital but that it would more then likely be a few hours away and not to come yet.  My Dad and step-mom rushed up there immediately.  They sat there for 8 hours in the waiting room.  My mom and I told my brother to let us know when she was dilated to 8cm.  That’s when we went up there.  We sat for 4 hours!  LOL

I would think you’re parents being overseas need to know as soon as you start either dilating or when you being contractions.  That way the have time to get on a plane and come.  All other local family/friends I think you can wait until you get to the hospital, get checked in and find out how much you have dilated.  Now if your parents are already in town then I think you need to tell everyone at the same time.

Post # 16
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Oh and another thing… don’t post on facebook that you’ve gone into labor or that the baby has arrived.  My brother and sister-in-law posted immediately that the baby was here.  So we had strangers coming in within an hour of seeing the post to come see mom and baby!  All of us family hadn’t even gotten to see the baby at that point because they were still running all the tests and bathing her!  So here I am an aunt for the first time and I have this stranger trying to take her from me.  I finally told the girl look, we’ve been here all night.  We are family we need our time.  The girl just walked right on into the delivery room.  So not cool!  

Sorry that’s my soapbox about Facebook! LOL

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