(Closed) Giving everyone Plus 1's, but want to avoid randoms!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
12003 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@xkrsa:  we’re giving people +1’s, at least we’ve assumed it at this point (even my 99 year old grandfather – much to my mothers entertainment). I don’t think you really can do anything about it they either get an ‘and guest’ or they don’t – you can’t control who they bring.

Post # 4
945 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Honestly, for save the dates, I’d just address them to the person your inviting. It’s not worth stressing about this now. When you send out invites, then you can decide +1’s based on the current situation.

Post # 5
4040 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Send out STD’s just addressed to your friend. But for the purposes of your guest count, count each of them as your friend +1. Then when you get to sending invitations, you’ll know who is in a rellationship and who isn’t. Send invitations with a +1 to those in a relationship and skip those who aren’t. 

Post # 6
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I agree that you should just address the STD’s to the person you are inviting. You only have to add the “and guest” once you are expecting a response from the formal invite. No need to worry about it until then, and you’ll have a better idea of who is in a relationship closer to the wedding.

Post # 7
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@xkrsa:  I think it’s nice that you’re being considerate but if you have the opportunity to invite people you want there rather than a bunch of randoms then I think you should go for it. 

I think it’s inappropriate to quiz people on their relationship status for the sake of your plus one count and it’s actually way worse than not giving people a plus one. If you don’t want a bunch of randoms at your wedding then only give peple who you know to be in a commited relationship a plus one. 

Post # 10
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I think you should stick with your STD plan… and in the months to follow if a friend is gushing about the guy she is dating, then you should probably invite him.  If you have never heard about the guy in several months, then the friend isn’t close enough to warrant a +1, IMO

Post # 11
1222 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@xkrsa:  Here’s what I don’t get about not wanting to have any “randoms” there, but opening up invites to single friends who might want to bring someone you don’t even know. Wouldn’t they be random to you anyway? Why go through the fuss of trying to tell friends to only bring someone they’re in a committed relationship with when you wouldn’t know the person either way?

I guess what I’m saying is: What difference does it make to you whether they consider themselves in a ‘committed rrelationship’ with the +1 or not? Obviously you wouldn’t know the +1 anyway if you have to ask the question in the first place. I dislike conditional +1s, just let pepole bring whom they want.

Post # 12
12248 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think as long as they are friendly with a few people at the wedding and not engaged/married/living together, it’s fine not to give them a +1.

Post # 15
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

We sent invites just addressed to our single friends; no +1 on the invite. A few have asked to bring dates and we’ve had no issues with allowing a +1 for anyone that has asked.

Post # 16
1380 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@xkrsa:  If I were in a relationship of under 8 months or so, I wouldn’t even blink if my partner wasn’t invited. I’d figure that the guest list was set before we got serious.

IMO, being offended about not being able to bring your S/O of a few weeks is ridiculous.


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