(Closed) Giving gift to a bride who expect you to pay for your dinner

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I wouldn’t go to the wedding, let alone buy a gift! She’s the rude one – guests shouldn’t pay for anything at the reception.

Post # 4
Member
8695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@oneofthesethings:  this was my thought too. OP your presence could be your “gift” since you have to pay your own way.

Post # 5
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

Just go and celebrte teh weddig. dont gift her if you dont feel like it. but dont get into a war over wedding ettiquite.. its not worth it. yeh it might be cheap on her behalf, but its done, its happening this way, and all you can do is take a deep breath and know tht you wouldnt do it the same.

Post # 6
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

How much did you spend on the gift? I would probably give her something small but nice like a bottle of wine instead of a big “wedding gift” (china, kitchen stuff) since she’s going untraditional. 

Post # 7
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I wouldn’t gift… Put up a poll, bees love a poll

Post # 8
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I would give something small and not too expensive, especially since you have to travel. But I kind of think of it as if you want gifts you pay for food otherwise to save money ask guests to pay for their meals and get no gifts!

I was Bridesmaid or Best Man for my friend and paid $100 for hair and make up and didnt get her a wedding gift.

If you can afford it then go for it!

Post # 9
Member
1549 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

i wouldnt give a gift.

Post # 10
Member
3266 posts
Sugar bee

@shantaca:  I would personally decline an invitation to travel out of state, where they aren’t providing even the most basic hospitality.

If this was my BFF or sister, I would attend, but my gift would be my hosting myself.  There would be a lovely card with some well wishes, and maybe (if I was in a generous mood) a bottle of wine.

Post # 11
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

How odd. No i would not give her a gift unless you truly want to.. Is she actually expecting them?

Post # 12
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

How odd. No i would not give her a gift unless you truly want to.. Is she actually expecting them? I’m having a wedding where both sides of our family will have to travel. (It’s half way between the two) and i’m completely okay with not getting any gifts because i am greatful they are coming the 6 hours. 

Post # 13
Member
3039 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’ve seen brides asking guests to pay for their meal before. However, in those cases, they have always made it very clear that they don’t expect a gift. To ask your guest for a gift, plus all the additional expenses you mentioned, comes across as greedy. I think asking for all of that is rude on behalf of the brides, much more so than if the guest won’t give a gift.

Post # 14
Member
9551 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would probably get her a small gift or card. Mostly because I would want to congratulate my friend. I don’t like the tit-for-tat attitutde of getting a present to pay for your meal.

Post # 15
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

odd one. Im having destination wedding so pple are paying to get there and stay. but im paying for all food. i wouldnt exprct a prezzie from pple going due to cost of them coming.x

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