(Closed) Giving Him an Ultimatum: Pros and Cons?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 46
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I didn’t issue an ultimatum, but I did have an internal walk date set. I think having a walk date is fine as long as you follow through on it. At the end of the day, you have to take care of you so if marriage is vital to you – you need to leave a dead-end relationship as it will not fulfill you.

I have a friend who issued blatant ultimatum after ultimatum never following through on them when she dated this guy who just didn’t seem to want to commit to her. In the end, she got dumped by him, and the guy is now engaged to someone else. Ouch. πŸ™ If you are going to go that route, you HAVE to follow through. Otherwise, you are only showing your SO that he can walk all over you.

Post # 49
Member
680 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I will preface this by saying I don’t know all the ins and outs of your relationship, and while it sucks to be waiting for him to make the big move (propose), I have seen situations like yours – almost exactly like yours – end very differently.  And I only bring this up because it seems like you have invested a lot of time and energy in this relationship and you deserve the best.

My older sister was dating a guy for several years.  They met in college and talked marriage pretty early on.  They seemed like a great couple – got along well, my family loved him, he treated her well.  After a couple of years my sister was getting a bit anxious, kind of a shit or get off the pot mentality.  He set a date on when he would propose by, actually more than one date, and each passed without a proposal.  They would talk and each time it was the “I’m not ready” speech.

My sister finally had a walk date in her head and yet another proposal date from him.  The proposal date came and went and she finally had enough.  She was tired of him deciding where the relationship was going.  It was the hardest thing she had to do, and he cried and begged her to stay, but she had enough.

She found out from a friend that he found another girlfriend pretty quickly, and he proposed to her after dating her around 18 months.  My sister was crushed.  He could commit, he just couldn’t commit to her.  She ran into him several months later and he said he never meant to lead her on but for whatever reason she just wasn’t “the one”.

Fortunately, my sister did find a great guy and is very happily married now.

I mean this with all due respect, OP, but maybe you’re just not “the one” for him.

Post # 52
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

lovelyd126:  you.are.adorable  Thanks for keeping us updated!!

Post # 53
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

MrsWBS: +1 

OP, I really wish you the best, and I hope things work out the way you want.

I see the things similar to other posters in that getting engaged means you’re ready to get married that moment. A guy who gets engaged but isn’t ready to marry you right then is just placating you with a ring. Only you know your relationship, and if you truly believe that a proposal means he’s going to follow through with the wedding, then great. I’m however personally skeptical of a situation where the guy has made a million excuses as to why he’s not ready to get engaged, and then asks for a moratorium on all things marriage because he’s bought the ring:/

Post # 54
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Congrats!

Post # 55
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

For me I find this a little silly as you two arw not even living together and thats a step were alot of things change. You two are obviously crazy inlove so walking out.. I can understand but also think why? And why not start a family first? Imagine your little ones walking down the asle with you. 

Scrap all that I read your other comments :p advice for you stop thinking of it, relax and enjoy your time with him, IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN!!!!! πŸ™‚ 

Post # 56
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

By the way you seem to have great communication πŸ™‚ I have no doubts that you guys will live a long happy life together. Good luck with everything, i’ll keep an eye out for you, will love to know how everything goes 

Post # 57
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Megsky:  Seriously? A woman who intentionally has kids with a man who won’t commit to her is an idiot And a sucker. 

Post # 58
Member
2868 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

lovelyd126:  He obviously has other issues about marriage other than not being ready. The problem with ultimatums in general is that I see very young women giving their boyfriends in the same age groups ultimatums and being completely unable to accept that a 20-25 year old guy is perfectly capable of not being ready for marriage even if he has been in a great relationship with his girlfriend since junior high. (it is more understandabe if the woman is in her mid thirties and wants to have shildren) When you give an ultimatum, there is only one acceptable reponse. Not everyone is ready to get married before 25 just because you are.

Post # 60
Member
42 posts
Newbee

I miss the days when life just happened. Everything doesn’t have to be planned out on a fucking napkin. 

The topic ‘Giving Him an Ultimatum: Pros and Cons?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors