(Closed) Giving Him an Ultimatum: Pros and Cons?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 61
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

 

Baal:  OMG Baal…knowing what you know now from that experience why do you think you stayed in that relationship as long as you did?

Post # 62
Member
680 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

lovelyd126:  It really sounds like you are making excuses for your SO.

My Fiance should be the most marriage-adverse guy out there after seeing what his parents went through.  His father left the family when Fiance was about 7 years old, leaving FI’s mom to take care of him and his 2 sisters, at a time when she didn’t work. They moved in with his grandparents for a while because they lost their house. His mom busted her butt building a family business with FI’s uncle (his mom’s brother).  His parents’ divorce took a few years to settle because his father kept stalling because he was fighting for a financial part of that business (fortunately his father’s case was dismissed).

But instead of wallowing over what his parents went through and thinking he was doomed to follow the same path, he took the complete opposite approach.  We’ve talked a lot about what we expect from each other going into this marriage and while we’re not naive enough to think there will never be struggles or hard times, we are determined to make it work.  Just because his parents’ marriage failed does not mean ours will.

My Fiance also said something once that I really think is true.  If you (in general) are waiting for the timing to be right (to propose in this case), the timing will never be right.  If you’re waiting for “perfect” timing, life will pass you by.  My Fiance proposed to me the week after I got laid off and a few days after he was given control of his family’s business – probably one of the most stressful things we have been through as a couple.  But you know why he proposed when he did?  He told me that he decided he wanted to spend the rest of his life with he and he didn’t want to wait another minute for that to happen.

I really hope the “hello future wifey” texts aren’t just to placate you or buy more time.  How is he going to propose next month when you said in one of your other posts that you know he doesn’t have a ring yet?

Post # 64
Member
922 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

keebee:  Because my opinon of myself was in the toilet after getting divorced when I was only 23.  I honestly thought that was it for my romantic life, game over.  I was desperate, and latched onto the first man to show an interest in me, without bothering to ever question if he was right for me.

After the first few years it also became something that I had to prove to everyone, that he was committed to me, that our relationship was real, that it did mean something.  I couldn’t bear the idea that I might have wasted so many years waiting around for someone who didn’t really want me.

I also failed to realise the truth of the saying ‘actions speak louder than words’  Some people talk a good game, but their actions never back up their words. 

I cannot overstate how much I regret wasting my 20s and 30s living for and through a man who in the end just wasn’t worth it.  

Post # 65
Member
680 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

lovelyd126:  That article you reference totally debunks your SO’s argument.  The point of the article (which is not written by a psychologist) is that feelings of uncertainty are normal and those feelings should not stop you from getting married.

That’s great that your SO told you you’re “the one”.  My sister was told the same thing over and over and over.

Actions speak much louder than words.

Post # 66
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

 Baal:  I truly appreciate you sharing that! I hope you are in a MUCH better place #teamself-love!  {Hugs} 🙂

Post # 67
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

lovelyd126:  I don’t know…if a guy is scared of marriage getting engaged and then delaying the actual “wedding” to calm his fears just doesn’t sound kosher…Don’t you want someone to marry you because they really want to be with you not because they are just scared of losing you? 

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