(Closed) Giving him space

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@jackndiane: I definitely felt that way – and, honestly, I think it’s really healthy!!  The fine line, IMO, is where you allow that resentment to become anger.  Basically, what I’m saying is try to change your motivation from wanting to do other things because you are upset he hasn’t proposed, to wanting to do those things because you have a whole lot of other things you can do.  Do you know what I mean?

Post # 4
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@jackndiane: What I’ve noticed is that when you are that available and you give that much (and it is alot!!) a man has no motivation to dedicate his life to you.

He is getting everything right now. A maid, a cook, an orgasm when he feels like it, AND an alarm clock. This may sound mean…but why should he commit for life? He’s getting all that spoiling now…without the responsibility.

Get out there and enjoy your life. You’re resentful because deep down you know he’s taking advantage and you’re not getting what you want out of it. If he wants to make you his wife, he will do so—without taking advantage.

Post # 5
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

I think for the majority of guys pulling back a little works wonderfully. Even if it doesn’t, no worries because you will be feeling happier with yourself independently! So with dedicating more time to yourself it’s win win no matter what the outcome.

Post # 7
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

@jackndiane:Whoa! What was the context or the tone of the comment about “he knew I couldn’t live without him and that he knew I wasn’t going anywhere.”

I’ve said things like that totally joking around and used my “I’m joking” voice, but generally, and if said seriously, that is not ok.

Post # 9
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@Tunacupcakes: I totally agree. That comment bothers me…that makes me think he KNOWS he’s taking advantage and doesn’t feel guilty.

Post # 10
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

Hmmm.. well then it may be just a joke, but since coupled with his actions it really does sound like one of those jokes that are not so jokey.

I know (as does my SO) when I say it, it’s utter and complete BS and I’m totally 100% joking…. but I think this joke may be a reflection of your SO possible poor attitude.

I think in a way, it’s healthy to know the other person will leave you for excessive crap. I know if I treat my boyfriend like dirt, he will leave. Simple. I would never expect him to continue to tolerate mistreatment from me.

It sounds like it may be time to get out there are create your own life. To an extent, to hell with your SO and go have some fun, within reason of course. 🙂

Post # 11
Member
304 posts
Helper bee

i’ve thought about moving out and spending close to no time with him, because the waiting is so hard. he has money for a ring i really don’t understand what the hold up is

Post # 13
Member
659 posts
Busy bee

I’ve been considering the same thing with spending less time together as well. I wonder if spending so much time together is counterproductive? I really can’t wait until I start working more hours then I’ll only see him a couple times a week instead of almost everyday.

The topic ‘Giving him space’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors