Post # 1
You know those social occasions when there are certain people who just expect you to compliment them, or it’s just expected that everyone compliments that individual–like the birthday girl or the bride, etc? But what do you do when you really don’t mean that compliment–do you still say it just to be polite? That’s what I usually do because I don’t want to be rude or hurt anyone’s feelings–but it’s just not genuine to me. At the same time, if I say nothing I would just feel badly. How do you ladies handle such situations?
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
I give compliments if the situation calls for it, even if it’s not true :/ I mean, I pick something out that is good enough. Same as you, I’d rather just say than be rude or hurt someone’s feelings.
Post # 4
I find a truth that I mean. Like if everyone is gushing over how beautifle and wonderful the girl is, and truthfully she’s an ugly shrew, my go to is : I like your dress, top,/ other article of clothing. Or I like you hair, eyes makeup jewlwery etc.
Post # 5
My grandma taught me a very valuable lesson when I was a little girl. A great aunt used to send me a very nice, but very hideous, sweater for Christmas every year. Grandma taught me how to write a thank you note that was honest and sincere. I never once told my great aunt Nidia that I liked the sweaters she sent, but every year, without fail, I would write her a thank you letter- thanking her for thinking of me and that I appreciated the gift.
Is there any way you can pay someone a compliment that you DO mean? Instead of telling someone they haven’t aged a bit, tell them that you appreciate being invited to their party, or compliment the food or something more genuine.
Post # 6
Yikes. I try to be honest with my compliments, because I think you can almost always find something nice to say. If I hate someone’s b-day dress, for example, I can still tell them their hair/shoes/nails/makeup/etc. looks fantastic. If allll of that is looking a mess, “you look radiantly happy” or something along those lines could work.
The only time I can’t find anything genuinely nice to say is when I hate the person (because they are cruel/bitchy/etc.)
Post # 7
I never compliment anyone if I don’t mean it!
If it’s a birthday girl I say “Happy Birthday and ask her if she is having a good time?” or something to that effect. I don’t even think of complimenting someone if I don’t mean it as I don’t ever think compliments are obligatory.
Now on the other hand I have never seen an ugly bride!!! So I have always complimented their appearance and meant it! If I didn’t I would probably say something to the effect of “Congratuations I am so happy for you!”. But once again only if I meant it!!!!!
I am one of those brutally honest people that often say things that get them in trouble when asked a direct question, but I do know when to keep my mouth shut, and because of this, i guess, I also never compliment someone out of obligation!
Post # 8
@imalittlebirdie: That sounds like a great idea! I’ve found myself before telling someone they look so beautiful when I didn’t mean it–now I will look for something I like (whether it’s their jewlery, dress, etc) and compliment that! I don’t know why that never crossed my mind before 🙂
Post # 9
I try to compliment an area that I can honestly say I like instead – much like a PP said, I’ll tell someone I love their baby’s sweet little toes (even if it looks like a little alien), or a birthday girl her shoes are fantastic (especially if she’s wearing a dress that’s not flattering), etc.
Post # 10
I say it just to be polite. It’s not like I’m morally conflicted by paying a compliment I don’t mean, it’s pretty insignificant.
Post # 11
I am a very quite person that does not feel the need to say something unless I really mean it. I am also a bad liar. So, you can trust my compliment to be sincere. When I say nothing is when you need to be worried.
Post # 12
I want to be polite – the situation this mostly arises is when I see an ugly baby, I def feel forced to say he/she is “so cute” but I do it because I don’t want to be rude.
Post # 13
You’ve got som great advice here, find something you genuinely appreciate and compliment that. There is always something. 🙂
Post # 14
I agree with PP about trying to find something to compliment them on that I do mean. If I can’t, I try to avoid the situation. I actually avoid most social events that would require this if at all possible.
Post # 15
@AnnieAAA: LOL I agree that this is probably one of the most awkward situations ever (as immortalized by Seinfeld- “The baby is breathtaking”). To be honest, this has only happened to me once in real life. I believe I said some variation of “Awww….look at the little man!”. lol
I generally try to find something else to say and compliment that genuinely, but I’m definitely guilty of saying “You look wonderful” when someone doesn’t. It’s a white lie, I guess.
Post # 16
I try to find something, anything, that I can honestly compliment. If that fails, I move to a statement that is true and yet vauge. Ie: I can’t find a single thing I like about the birthday girl’s outfit, hair, makeup, jewelry, etc. So, instead I’ll just say “Well look at you all dressed up!”