Post # 1
(Originally posted this in “Reception” but probably more appropriate here…)
Fiance and I are butting heads about who should give toasts at the reception and how to go about asking them. I’m not very familiar with American wedding traditions and he hasn’t been to too many wedding so neither of us know the etiquette.
Could you please let me know which of these people SHOULD give a speech, which are optional and which are just not very common:
– Bride’s dad
– Groom’s dad
– Others (mothers, siblings, relatives, friends)
Also for other family and friends who we would like to give toasts, is it ok to ask them or should they offer it? My FI’s father is long deceased, but he has a twin uncle who happens to have a great sense of humor. I’d like to ask him to do a toast since he’s as close to a dad figure to FI as it gets, and also would make an entertaining speaker. Even though Fiance agrees he’d give a fun speech, he thinks asking him would be “putting him on the spot”, “it’s a burden”, and “how is he supposed to say if he doesn’t want to”. I thought it would be an honor to be asked. What are your thoughts?
Post # 3
I think the most ubiquitous toasts are Bridesmaid or Best Man, Maid/Matron of Honor, and Father of the Bride. The groom or bride can offer a short thank-you toast to the guests. The others are not as standard.
I think you should definitely know ahead of time who is giving toasts and have the DJ or coordinator – whoever’s running the reception – make sure that it doesn’t get out of hand with everyone who wants to say something getting a turn at the mic.
Finally, re: asking your FI’s uncle, I think it’s not rude to ask, but maybe Fiance knows his uncle better and has a good reason for being reluctant to? If his uncle is the kind of guy who’s really nice and wouldn’t be able to say no even if he wanted to, I can see why you shouldn’t pressure him.
Post # 4
The most common are definitely Best Man, Maid of Honor and Father of the Bride. I have been to weddings though where other family members speak or another member of the bridal party toast also. I have also been to a wedding where they had an open mike, but that would make me nervous!
Post # 5
I agree with others Maid/Matron of Honor, Bridesmaid or Best Man, FOB! If you give others the opportunity it might cause tension with other family members since these are the most traditional!!
Post # 6
Thanks for the comments and suggestions! We decided to do Maid/Matron of Honor, Bridesmaid or Best Man, FOB; plus FI’s uncle. He agreed to ask him once our officant suggested the same thing. I guess the idea had to come from somebody else other than me, lol. Our officiant said FOG usually speaks in addition to those three, and since his dad is deceased is there anyone else close in the family, and the twin brother was the obvious choice. And to my great surprise, Fiance even said he will say a few words himself!