(Closed) Giving the baby the mother's surname instead of father's?

posted 5 years ago in Names
Post # 3
621 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I dont think its a terrible idea, but I also dont think myhusband would go for it. Have you thought about hyphenating it? Your husband might want his child to carry on his name, as well.


Post # 4
621 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Also, I don’t think it is selfish. I think your intentions are good, and it is great you love your family so much. But you might also want to look at it from your husband’s perspective. 

Post # 5
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I have a similar problem.  My dad is one of five boys and all of my uncles kids had girls.  There are 2 out of 40 kids that are  boys.   What if you gave your maiden name as a first name?  That’s pretty common in Irish families. 


No way would my husband go for our kids not having his last name.  I get the family tie to your last name, I have that too, but they are his children also.  So we compromised, he gets to give them the last name, and I get to pick the rest of their names.  I mean my mother’s maiden name is almost died out also, with only one boy to carry it on.  I have a few neices taht have my mom’s maiden as their middle names.

Post # 8
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@LadyElva:  I think you should bounce this idea off your husband first. Choosing a name (whether it be a first name or a surname) is a deeply personal decision that only you and your Darling Husband can make. While others out there may not agree with the decision, it is yours alone to make.

Neither SO nor I would give our children my surname, but I wouldn’t judge someone else for using the mother’s surname. It’s none of my business.

Post # 9
7560 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I don’t think that’s weird at all. I would suggest using one surname as a middle and the other as a last name. 

Post # 10
3371 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@LadyElva:  Is there any way you can use your surname as your child’s first name? I think it would only work for a boy, though. I know a little boy whose first name is “Mac”, short for McXX…which was his father’s family name.

Post # 11
2753 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I have friends who have done exactly this. One couple gave all three kids her surname, and the other couple I *think* alternated surnames with their two kids. I say think because the second is a teeny baby, and the last time I talked to him, she was going to get his last name, but that was before the birth.

Post # 12
44 posts
  • Wedding: March 2010

It’s neither unnatural, nor selfish. let alone stupid. Who says that “naturally” the kids have to have the fathers name? It’s just a social convention in the States (and a lot of other places), but it’s not uncommon in some places overseas.

Try to make your husband understand that you want this *because* of family values, not *despite* them. It doesn’t make you less of a family or him less of a father or man.

I was in a similar situation: I kept my surname and wanted to have our kids have my surname because 1. I have a big family overseas, to keep the connection to my home country and family and 2. because my surname is easier to pronounce and spell in both countries/languages. It took my husband a while to get his head around the thought, but I gave him time, and in the end he was okay with it. (I probably also had an advantage because my husband knew that he was lucky that I agreed to having children at all…) I tried to sell it to him as the modern, european way to do things ๐Ÿ˜‰

Somebody said to look at it from your husbands perspective. Well, what about all husbands looking at if from their wifes perspective for once? Why are women always expected to give up their name for themselves and their children without complaint? Why can’t the woman’s name be the family name? 

If you can’t agree, maybe do what my brother did – his wife wanted her name for the kids, too, but they couldn’t agree. So they let fate decicide – if the first baby was going to be a girl, the kids were going to have his name, if it was a boy, they were going to have her name. Worked for them! My sister also kept her name and her kids have her surname. (This is in Germany)

Post # 13
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Agree with both HisIrishPrincess:  & peonyinparis: ideas about giving your Maiden Name as a First or Middle Name.

I have both Scottish & Irish heritage in my family… and have many relatives who are carrying names that were once family names… often from their Mothers, Grandmothers, Great Grammas lineage (not only guys, but gals as well… altho those tend to be middle names)

And ya, just because a Surname is “unusual” as a first name doesn’t mean it cannot work.  I too have seen things like MacKenzie become… Mack or Kenzie, and Fitzpatrick become Fitz or Patrick / Patricia.

As for having a child who has JUST your Maiden Name as their Surname… altho not weird in North American Society (certainly more common in Canada where we are waaay more progressive about the whole name game… in that we can pick whatever name we please when we marry in most Provinces… Keep Your Own, Take His, Take Yours, Hyphenate Them, or Create a New One)… But in the USA it does “convey” the idea that perhaps…

(a) The child was born out of Wedlock

(b) The child is from another Marriage

(c) You and your man aren’t Married to one another

And well quite frankly that is a lot to hang on a kid if it ain’t true… and I can see where those ideas of that what people think (the child isn’t his) might ya upset him quite a bit.

Stuff to consider,

Hope this helps,


Post # 14
985 posts
Busy bee

This is such an important topic for me and I really don’t know what to do about it!  I can’t wrap my head around why it is automatically the man who gets all the credit, if you know what I mean. Why on earth, if I kept my name and my hubby kept his, should OUR kids get HIS name? I don’t understand how that is the default occurrence. I haven’t yet decided on changing my name, but having the same last name as my kids is very important to me, as is carrying on my family name. 

I don’t really have an answer for you, but I promise you’re not alone! This issuch a tough thing to figure out and come to an agreement on.

As for people thinking the kids aren’t his, the same would be true for people thinking they aren’t yours. Which is equally ridiculous.  Honestly though, I don’t think that others opinions should be considered here. (except your DHs)

Post # 15
985 posts
Busy bee

Edited : double post

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