(Closed) Giving the bride away and family drama

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
7749 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I haven’t had this drama, but in my experience when brides haven’t had their father, it’s been a significant man in their life, or walking alone. If you can’t think of a significant man to do it (e.g. brother. uncle, grandfather), I think you should walk alone if your mother won’t do it.

My advice: reverse your decision, and walk alone. I don’t see why it should hurt feelings – your mother and stepfather should be fully aware he hasn’t raised you.

Post # 4
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Kimmy83:  If you are not close to him, walk yourself down. Your mom is being unreasonable.

I think it would be nice if your fiance met you halfway and you two walk together to the alter as a symbol of unity!! Do that!!

Post # 5
Member
46 posts
Newbee

I would walk myself and have Fiance meet me half way.  Love that idea.

Post # 7
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I take it your Dad died in recent years, when you were an Adult or in your Teens?

If that is the case, then it isn’t difficult to explain to your Mother that you miss him… especially so on your Wedding Day.  As much as you like your StepDad he ISN’T YOUR DAD… on your Wedding Day you want to HONOUR your Father.

The tradition is for the Bride to be walked by her Dad… if not her Dad, then you’d be open to any of the following (let her know which ones from this possible list of choices you like)

1- Alone

2- With Her

3- With another Relative / Loved One (Brother, GodFather, GrandParent, Uncle)

IF you only have your heart now set on walking alone and then being met half-way by your Hubby-2-B tell her why this is your reasoning (if Dad can’t be here to give me away, I want to honour him and have no one… his absense will be a way of showing he is with us no longer, but that he left a beautiful girl here who has turned into a confident woman… )

Hope this helps,

PS… Honour your StepDad (and smooth over any hard feelings) by having the Father-Daughter Dance with him at the Reception (for most Brides it doesn’t mean as much as the Asile Walk… but will no doubt go a long way to making your Mom happy)

 

Post # 8
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I was in your exact situation just a few months ago. However, I did have a very close relationship with my father before he passed away which is why I couldn’t imagine any other man walking me down the isle. I asked my mom since we are really close, yet she refused if it couldn’t be her and my stepdad. So, I chose to meet my husband half way. I put a locket with my dad’s picture in it, that he had given my mother on their wedding day, on my bouquet so it felt like he was walking with me. I thought I might feel really weird and lonely walking half way by myself, but it was exactly the opposite. Walking towards my husband and looking into his eyes was sooo special and felt very symbolic. And, since I’m 28 years old and a very independent person anyway it would have felt weird having someone “give” me away. 

Post # 9
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My FMIL’s father passed away when she was younger.  So, she decided to walk in alone and have Future Father-In-Law meet her halfway.  There was a little table set up in aisle at the halfway point.  If I remember the story correctly, when they both got to the table, she laid her bouquet on it and pinned FFIL’s boutoniere on him, which had been waiting for him there on the table.  Then she picked up her bouquet and they continued walking towards the altar together.

Post # 10
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Kimmy83:  

At my cousin’s wedding she had no father figure (her dad was deceased, and her mom didn’t remarry). Anyway my aunt walked her daughter down the aisle.

Maybe to not cause drama have Mom and Stepdad walk you down the aisle. That way you get your mom to give you away since you say she won’t do it without your stepdad, but that way its not just your stepdad to give you away since you don’t see him as a parent. Having them both do it would be a good compromise.

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