Post # 1
Have a question regarding any ideas for poems regarding a giving tree at a bridal shower. I understand that this can be a controversial topic and don’t want to come across as lacking ettiquette or tact. I’ve also seen some people slammed on here when mentioning the subjct so I’d be grateful if you’d read about my fiance’s and mine specific situation first.
This is our first wedding for the both of us. We are both over 40 as well. Both of my parents are deceased and have been for many years and that means we are funding our wedding and my dress completely ourselves. I live on a tight budget. He is finacing the largest part of the wedding but I am covering the dress. (We are having a very simple ceremony with around 50 guests and our budget is $5000). Like most who marry later in life we need not a thing for the house as we have already considated two homes down to one. Pretty much I really could use monetary gifts for a dress and a few other wedding expenses. Since people that will attend my shower already know these basic things abot me and I’m am doing this without my parents here, I believe they will be sensitive to the issue. But alas still looking for polite ways to let people know that a gift of money would help the most. Also as an FYI, I will, of course, not make a stipuation that gift items aren’t acceptable.
Any ideas I’d be most grateful for and many thanks in advance!
Post # 3
To be honest, there isn’t a polite way to do this. There’s just no nice way of asking for money. I know the Aussie Bees say that the wishing well idea is well-received in their part of the world, but here in the US, it’s just not accepted as the norm.
I sympathize with your situation, but if you’re asking for a polite way to do this, I fail to see an answer. If you don’t need to register for anything, you should just forego the shower all-together, or have a themed shower (lingerie, etc).
Post # 4
@Jill1972: Honestly,as much as many brides would like it to be, there is no polite way to ask for money. If you don’t have a registry, you will likely get cash gifts for the wedding.
A shower is all about giving gifts, not giving cash. It is also not held as a fund raiser for the wedding.
Post # 5
@abbie017: I greatly appreciate your polite response and candor!
Post # 6
Honestly, I don’t really understand having a shower if there will be no gifts to open, since that is kind of the main event of a shower.
If you don’t register, you’ll most likely get monetary gifts for the wedding. But, honestly if I was invited to a shower and the couple hadn’t registered, I would probably assume I should go pick out a gift for them, not bring them cash.
Who is hosting the shower? I supposed you could always have the host spread the word.
Post # 7
@julies1949: Thank you for your reply. I’m very aware that bridal showers aren’t fundraisers. Maybe I should be asking for suggestions from brides who are doing/have done weddings without living parents for suggestions. It’s not necessarily an easy time for a brides who are doing weddings when both parents are already gone.
Post # 8
@MrsWBS: Thank you very much! My host has mentioned possibly making a personal phone call to let guests know. It’s just hard as we live in a day of texting and instant messaging instead of getting people on the phone. Also I guess to remember that the guests are always good friends who understand specific situations. If it were for stranger or people we barely know, it would most definitely seem tacky. Thank you again.
Post # 9
I’m in a similar situation (older, funding my own wedding) but I am just not having a shower because we don’t need stuff. I really feel like the whole definition of a shower is about gifts, not money, so I don’t see how this makes any sense.
Post # 10
I’m sorry your parents aren’t around to celebrate with you.
Just don’t register. If you wind up having a shower (someone throws it for you) make it an “advice” shower or something – people are bound to show up with monetary gifts, anyway. Or at the very least, good advice!
Have tons of games, some fun drinks, and make sure everyone leaves feeling like they had a good time and were rewarded for showing up (with or without a card). Handwrite any Thank You notes ASAP – make sure you’re being grateful (not that you won’t be)
Just don’t do what my bridesmaid had me do… don’t open the cards in front of your guests. MORTIFYING.
Post # 11
@MrsWBS: Echoing this.
It makes perfect sense that you would want cash instead of gifts on a practical level (in fact it makes sense that MOST people would want cash instead of gifts) but there is no polite way to ask for it. If you don’t register, and given your situation, it’s highly likely that most people will give you cash anyway for the wedding.
I don’t think there’s any way to politely host a shower while asking for cash instead of gifts- the whole idea of a shower is to shower people with gifts, and when you take the opening the presents out pretty much it’s just a luncheon. Even knowing your situation, most people will likely bring a physical gift to a shower. If you don’t need physical gifts, I probably wouldn’t have a shower (hosting it yourself is considered borderline-to-very rude in most of the US as well).
Your best bet if you’re really truly strapped for cash and you’re commited to having a shower and you truly don’t need the presents is to accept them graciously, write a nice thank you note, and then return them to the store. But no, no amount of poetry will make specifying you’d rather have cash polite.
Post # 12
@Jill1972: Both of my parents are dead. So is DH’s Dad. We paid for our wedding ourselves, so I can empathize.
You said Pretty much I really could use monetary gifts for a dress and a few other wedding expenses.
That is why I said the shower is not a fund raiser. It is not up to the shower guests to pay for your dress or any other wedding expenses.
If there really are no items you need for your home, then consider asking the hostess to have a luncheon rather than a shower.No gifts are expected.
Or, consider having a themed shower like a stock the bar shower, a BBQ shower, a wine shower, a date night shower etc- gifts that you can enjoy in your home after the wedding.
Post # 13
@Jill1972: Yes, if you don’t register, maybe you could host a high tea for the ladies and make it about getting together pre-wedding vice gifts.
Post # 14
I wouldn’t have a shower if you don’t need/want gifts. It’s the whole point of a shower.
I think what you COULD do is have your bridesmaid or Maid/Matron of Honor quietly and tactfully spread the word to wedding guests that you need money more than anything else.
But I really, really don’t think there’s a polite way to ask people to help fund essentials of the wedding. I’m sorry – I know you’re in a really tight situation and I wish there was a better answer, but I just don’t think there’s a good way to ask people to help pay for wedding expenses. There are some really helpful sections here though about saving money for the wedding.