(Closed) Giving up on the idea of a wedding

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It will be okay!  Have some confidence in yourself, your SO, and your families and friends that probably all want to see you married!  It sounds like you know the things that would make it a traditional wedding for you. So you may have some ups and downs on your way there, but you’ll make it Sealed No need to throw in the towel just yet!

Post # 4
1338 posts
Bumble bee

Well, the first step is to sit down and write out a budget, ask or anticipate what others can contribute, see what you’re willing to sacrafice, and go from there. 

Post # 6
5191 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

If you really feel that letting go of your dream wedding is the best option for you, give yourself some time to mourn the wedding you will not have before you move on to planning the wedding you will have. Because you will have a wedding. It may be just the two of you at some pretty little courthouse, but it will be a wedding ceremony none the less, and you will be married when all is said and done.

And remember, you can always do a big vowl renewal in 5 years or whatever when the money is flowing a bit better. It’s not a dream you have to give-up on, just one that is best postponed for a while.

Post # 8
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@impatientlywaiting20:  I know what you mean abotu the plow – when we started planning I learned that my fiance whom I love dearly just needed a new laptop more than he wanted a wedding – and a $2000 laptop at that.  Well after I picked my jaw up off the floor I added it to the wedding budget as a “wedding day gift”. It didn’t seem totally right for him to sacrifice something that he wanted & had the money to buy in order for us to have a certain type of wedding.

Post # 11
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

We gave up several times, all along our planning process and felt this way too, our original idea was to do a courthouse wedding (with just moms and dads and brothers and sisters there) and then go to a big restaurant, book a private room, then open it up to a ‘marriage celebration’ for all of our friends and the rest of our family, it would’ve been really inexpensive, the courthouse is FREE, and we would bring in a grocery store cake to share with friends and family  afterward (the best part about this plan is there was a dance floor in another room that opened at 8pm, so that was our entertainment. 

Well, the restaurant changed their venue and the dancefloor wasnt an option anymore, so we scoured restuarants and clubs in the area, looking for a back up. I ended up having a spreadsheet of places vendors found on different searches, wedding channel helped a lot. I googled wedding in colorado and found TONS of options some high, some low, and some that were in between.

The best tips and tricks I found:

a friday or weekday wedding is less expensive for the venue and food is even discounted if you did a brunch or lunch wedding, and you could save even more by doing a cake and punch reception in the afternoon. Also, if you do in off season, like Nov thru April, some will discount even further. Check around friends/family with bigger backyards or spaces that might be an option, or local parks.

Also, you can do a custom menu to help keep costs down, pasta (cheap) we did a bbq option w/tea and lemonade (cut out the alcohol originally) (but added a couple of kegs later).

You can skip things like the favors and decor, do something simple like a mirror or coffee filter/paper flowers or pomanders or flowers from your garden. 

We looked into local parks, they are pretty inexpensive and allow you to bring your own food and drinks, which is also a huge savings, although an alcohol permit/insurance can be required. 

dresses and decor can also be found on oncewed.com, preownedweddingdresses.com and recycledbride.com or craigslist. (vendors can be found there too). found mine on recycledbride. 

we met a couple who had went on a biking weekend in the mtns, and here you can actually marry yourselves, so they went to the top, did a little ceremony the two of them and some friends and signed the paper and celebrated that evening at dinner w/friends. 

there is always vegas! 🙂 

I also like the idea above of vow renewal when you’ve had more time to save! 

It’s really about you getting to marry your best friend, so what ever makes that special to you, whether it’s doing a simple courthouse ceremony or in a park or waiting to have a future celebration at some point in time, giving you more time to save, you can do whatever you wante.


Post # 12
1874 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Is it not an option to have the wedding in the Fall of 2014? Explain to me your dream wedding. Are you wanting to do the church ceremony or have it outdoors? Are you wanting BMs? Flower girls? As for the china, there is a site that sells the heavy duty plastic plates. It looks like real china (but won’t break like it) and you can reuse it if you want to. My budget was at 5K but with so many mistakes I’ve made (changing venues, wedding dates, etc) I have lost quite a chunk. However, I am getting lucky with some things (I won a free venue and honeymoon at a bridal show) and getting great deals because I am constantly looking for it. Getting a number on your budget is the first thing to do. Check craigslist for deals on photographers and other vendors. Go to the salvation army or goodwill or dollartree.com (http://www.dollartree.com/custserv/custserv.jsp?pageName=Weddings' defer='defer) for your centerpieces (you can use all sorts of different sized vases and no one will know!). Give yourself time to mourn the dream wedding all of us fantasized about but look forward to a better one!

p.s. here’s the site for that heavy duty china:


Also some deals for your flowers:


Post # 13
616 posts
Busy bee

@impatientlywaiting20: I don’t think you sound spoiled at all! We all have our own ideas in mind about what we want to have our wedding be like, and you have yours just like anyone else. Like PPs suggested, I would really dig in to the budget and figure out what you can afford. I would also recommend looking at newer venues in your area – we saved a ton because, while the venue is gorgeous and just what we were looking for, they only just started doing weddings last year, so their prices are still fairly low. 

Good luck! Don’t give up quite yet. 🙂 

Post # 14
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

A great groom would want to give his bride her dream wedding.. and a great bride wouldn’t take advantage of the groom’s kindness. Wink

I’ve had that feeling before. I have the wedding planned out in my mind as far as I can remember and when my friends ask me “what if your dream guy doesn’t want that kind of wedding?” I’d say “If my dream guy wont give me that wedding, then he’s not my dream guy afterall!” HA!

But now that it’s happening and we’re planning our wedding, I realized there’s so much you could sacrifice in exchange of compromise. If the wedding you want is expensive and you dont want your SO to spend that much money, you’ll find ways to cut the budget. You just have to work harder on the planning to achieve this, but it can be done. But remember too that for some guys, knowing that they got exactly what you wanted is an achievement for them and it gives them pride and joy. When I tell my fiancee I’m willing to give something up, he’d say “Don’t deprive me of this chance to make you happy” and it makes me even happier! But sometimes too, he let’s me give up something else. Realistically, we cant have everything we want anyway. Just know what really matters to you the most and stick with them. And the others, you can give them up.

As long as you end up marrying the man you love, i’m sure your wedding would be perfect Smile 


Post # 15
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

A plow? Is he a farmer? If so, you could have an amazing barn wedding on not such a big budget! Or even better, rent out the barn for other weddings and raise extra cash for yours this way! Where there’s a will there’s always a way….

Post # 16
2453 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@LucyLaLa:  ….$2000 laptop? what the heck is he using it for?! Is it Apple? Tsk tsk.

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