Post # 17
Thank you all so much! I truly appreciate all the time that you put into your responses and the great ideas! My dream wedding would be in a barn with 150 people attending but here is what I was looking at before I decided to throw in the towel!
A small Inn with a lovely reception room with exposed beams circa. 1890 and a pond with an arbor to be married under and a bunch of really great place to have pictures taken. Total cost for a wedding here (venue, food, attire, flowers, DJ and photographer) would probably be about 7k for 50 people. I’m in love with the venue, I have been to a wedding there before. And at $42 pp for the food/venue/linens it really isn’t bad in my opinion.
We would probably each have one attendant and our three kids would be involved as we are blending our families but I would just dress them in khaki’s and button downs and a cute dress for my daughter. We would have the same dress code for our attendants.
Since it isn’t our first rodeo there is a lot that I don’t want to have and that I am willing to cut corners on. I came up with some creative centerpiece ideas- $15 lanterns from pier one with berry garland and some mini-pumpkins and candles (supplied by the venue!) so that would be cheaper than flowers I think. I will probably buy some flowers in bulk to use for decoration as well but limited amounts.
I found a David’s Bridal gown that I like (in the pictures anyway!) for $200. SO wears a suit every day for work so I want him to get a new one for the wedding that he would be able to use for work after the wedding.
I just feel so bad spending so much money on this. SO mostly says things like he wants me to be happy and that he is willing to make sacrifices to make this happen but then he says things like “just think of the vacation all of us could go on with that money??” and I feel like he might resent me after the fact. Financially we could probably pay for a lot of this up front an easily put the rest on credit cards but SO hates having debt and we want to get a lot paid off in the next few years.
@cherryshake: No he’s not a farmer, it is a snow plow! His driveway is literally a mile long and uphill most of the way! And we are in VT/NH.
A great groom would want to give his bride her dream wedding.. and a great bride wouldn’t take advantage of the groom’s kindness.
AMEN TO THAT! That is exactly my situation!
Post # 18
You can extend your engagement too, which I know is not popular…but at least it will give you more time for saving money, if that is what you want. Some of the other posters had great ideas…daytime weddings can be just as special, and way cheaper. Scour this site for $$ saving ideas, there are so many smart and frugal bees on here! My Fiance and I made a list at the beginning of planning, we picked the 2 things that were important to us…we both picked venue and food/drink. That means, other things get done, but waaaay cheaper. FOund a $200 dress, invites on sale, getting a grocery florist to do my flowers. We funnelled most of our budget into the venue and our catering.
Start your list of things that are the most imp…the do some research into prices…that should tell you the budget. THen you can decide how long it will take to save for it and pick your date.
Post # 19
@hassle_J: Thanks so much for your input! And I am definitely going with an inexpensive dress and thinking about grocery store flowers and arranging them myself. They also told me that buying premade bouquets is cheaper so that might be what I do!
As far as extending our engagement I keep forgetting one important piece of information! We have small kids (I have a 5 and a 7 year old and he has an 8 year old) and for us we would prefer to get married either before or soon after we move in together. We are planning at this point to move in together in July of 2013 so extending our engagement much past fall of 2013 isn’t appealing to us, although it isn’t completely off the table.
As for daytime weddings-I really want to have dancing, what is everyone’s opinion on dancing during the day? I feel like (unfortunately!) most people won’t dance much if they haven’t had a drink or two and alcohol doesn’t seem to go with a daytime wedding. I feel like everytime I start to make progress on finding a different way to do things I hit a road block like this!
Post # 20
I agree a lot with what other people have suggested, especially about sitting down to talk about a budget. Maybe lay out your dreams for him. Then make a list of the most important things and go from there. I wanted a gorgeous outdoor wedding, and by looking around I found that I could rent a shelter at the state park for about $80. To give you an idea we are going to have around 100 people and our total budget will fall around $5000, which includes everything. Your dream venue sounds amazing, but maybe look around, talk to people you know, and see what you can come up with. Good luck and keep your head up!
Oh and I just wanted to add that including your kids in your wedding is awesome. I was almost 2 years old when my parents got married, but I love looking at the pictures and seeing how happy we were! It was definitely memorable for me, as well as my parents!
Post # 21
@impatientlywaiting20: I was in the same boat. Weddings are expensive! I am from Boston but I am getting married in New Husband because it is cheaper. We were engaged in February but put off the wedding in order to save – if you set a realistic budget and stick to it, you can pull it off.
There are some places that I found where you can have the traditional wedding feel but in a non-traditional space…message me if you want to know some of the places I considered. You can do it!
Post # 22
I hear you on the extension….makes sense! I am getting married in March b/c the rates were lower, and almost booked a daytime wedding just because with the catering alone it was nearly half off! I went to a day time wedding a few weeks ago and there was dancing. The bride ran out onto the dancefloor and her friends followed, followed by others, including us . It depends on the crowd too, if your friends and family are dancers, they’ll dance. Or if you tell your loved ones ahead of time how important it is to you, they’ll step up.
There was a bar! They had mimosas, beer, wine, etc and I saw lots of people with drinks. I had 2 glasses of wine myself! When we were looking at daytime, I loved the ideas of mimosas, bloody mary’s and yummy brunch/lunch food.
Post # 23
@strawbs: Even better – it is for programming video games (his hobby). We can laugh at it on the boards, okay? I try to be very understanding IRL.
Post # 24
@LucyLaLa: he should just get a desktop if he’s going to spend that kind of money on a computer. he can get a pretty darn sweet desktop for that kind of money.
Post # 25
@impatientlywaiting20: Here’s something to think about:
You can have anything you want. You just can’t have everything you want.
So figure out the essential “anythings” such as dress and bouquet and real china and cost them out. A beautiful outdoor setting can be free. A small guest lists cuts down on the china.
But if your vision is so rigid that it it must be a particular thing,well–ok. Guess that you can’t afford it.
Post # 26
@impatientlywaiting20: You really just need to prioritize and budget. What’s more important… a big guest list OR a better (read more expensive) venue? Is good food more important than good music? Can you go without flowers? Just know you can’t have your cake and eat it too. You will have to nix certain things in order to allocate your budget elsewhere.
No matter what you decide you MUST keep in mind that a wedding is a party that lasts a day. The marriage is the lifelong commitment and THAT is the most important part of the “big day.” So in the long run, the dress, the food, the music, the photographer, the flowers, the rings, etc… they are all peripheral. So don’t get bent out of shape over not having it just right, the way the you always envisioned it would be.
You can do a lot of beautiful DIY projects. If you do an outdoor wedding you don’t need a ton of flowers (which are INSANELY expensive!!). You can hire students to do photography or music… You have options. Look into them before you throw your hands up and say “I give up!” Nut up sister! Make your wedding a reality!