Post # 1
Sadly, just weeks before our wedding, my fiance and some of his siblings just had a huge falling out due to an ongoing family issue. One sister has decided she will not attend. The day the blow up happened we received her wedding present. AWKWARD! She has been horrible towards my fiance and me. As a result, we don’t want anything from her. We are hoping that we can return her gift and have it credited back to her card.
I would like to send a note “thanking” her for her gift. I would add that in light of recent events, we have decided to return it and that her card as been credited.
I realize that this will set us up for another round of attacks. Any suggestions? I’m not sure of the proper etiquette in this situation.
Thank you for your help in such a sad situation. But we are not letting it take away from our amazing day!!
Post # 2
It sounds unnecessarily passive aggressive, if you know it won’t go well why do you want to mail her the money back?
Post # 3
I get that you don’t want anything to do with her; but on a social level, she made a thoughtful gesture to you both for your wedding. Even if you’re upset on the inside, acknowledge her gift with a simple thank you, and see if you can return it for store credit.
Post # 4
labubba : seems like you’re just adding fuel to the fire. Keep the gift unless she says she wants it back. Be the bigger people here.
Post # 5
That’s just petty. At the end of the day, she will always be family.
Post # 6
Agreed – this is incredibly passive aggressive and is only going to make a bad situation worse. Instead of throwing gasoline on the fire, write a genuine thank you note and use this as an opportunity to begin fixing a damaged relationship. Even if you choose to not repair the relationship, just return the gift if you don’t want it, but you still need to send a thank you card — and not a childish one saying you had the money refunded to her card.
Post # 7
I always find it odd when a poster says he/she and their partner are fighting with partner’s siblings and sibling is boycotting wedding, but special day is fine.
Its his sibling, so you don’t know that all is well with him. This kind of thing hurts most people and puts a damper on the day.
So don’t escalate things by sending a note that you’ve returned her gift. Just stop.
Post # 8
Just thank your for the thoughtful gift. Perhaps set it aside for a few weeks until things cool down and then decide if you’d like to return it, knowing that may offend her in the future if you work things out.
Post # 9
That’s a surefire way to keep this feud going forever.
Just put the gift away for now. Send a thank you. Be the bigger person. If after a year, you still don’t want the gift, regift or give it away then.
Proper etiquette would be to send a thank you, keep the gift, and let the feud end.
Post # 10
labubba : if it were me, I would probably just donate the wedding gift or give it to a family member or friend who I think would like it. This way, you don’t have anything to remind you of the situation, and it won’t cause another blow up like sending it back would. I would also be the bigger person and still send her a thank you note for the gift. Just something short and sweet like “dear sil, thank you for the (gift). Sincerely, (you and your DH)”. You don’t need to mention that you’re giving it away, but you also don’t need to go on and on about how it will come in handy, etc. In this case, short and simple is fine.
Post # 11
- Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA
Do not fuel the fire! Do not send it back. Do not have it credited to her card. Be the bigger person!
Post # 12
I think the bigger issue, and there is still time, is repairing the relationship especially for your husband. You didn’t say what happened – but how does the finance feel about the situation – it’s his family.
I wouldn’t return the gift as others have said. Give it away, store it in the basement whatever. Send a nice thank you card/letter and move on.
I think I see a trend on this website – people need to stop making drama! LOL.
Post # 13
Agree with every other person, don’t do it OP! Just not necessary or wise.
Post # 14
labubba : “I realize that this will set us up for another round of attacks. Any suggestions?” — Yeah, don’t do it. How is this idea going to make your life better? It’s not. It’s petty and you know it, so just don’t do it.
Post # 15
You know damn well this is petty. Stop it.