Giving wedding gift back

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

It sounds unnecessarily passive aggressive, if you know it won’t go well why do you want to mail her the money back?


Post # 3
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

I get that you don’t want anything to do with her; but on a social level, she made a thoughtful gesture to you both for your wedding. Even if you’re upset on the inside, acknowledge her gift with a simple thank you, and see if you can return it for store credit.

Post # 4
3532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

labubba :  seems like you’re just adding fuel to the fire. Keep the gift unless she says she wants it back. Be the bigger people here. 

Post # 5
711 posts
Busy bee

That’s just petty. At the end of the day,  she will always be family. 

Post # 6
13684 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Agreed – this is incredibly passive aggressive and is only going to make a bad situation worse. Instead of throwing gasoline on the fire, write a genuine thank you note and use this as an opportunity to begin fixing a damaged relationship. Even if you choose to not repair the relationship, just return the gift if you don’t want it, but you still need to send a thank you card — and not a childish one saying you had the money refunded to her card.

Post # 7
11612 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I always find it odd when a poster says he/she and their partner are fighting with partner’s siblings and sibling is boycotting wedding, but special day is fine. 

Its his sibling, so you don’t know that all is well with him. This kind of thing hurts most people and puts a damper on the day. 

So don’t escalate things by sending a note that you’ve returned her gift. Just stop. 

Post # 8
6788 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Just thank your for the thoughtful gift. Perhaps set it aside for a few weeks until things cool down and then decide if you’d like to return it, knowing that may offend her in the future if you work things out. 

Post # 9
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

That’s a surefire way to keep this feud going forever.  

Just put the gift away for now.  Send a thank you.  Be the bigger person.  If after a year, you still don’t want the gift, regift or give it away then.

Proper etiquette would be to send a thank you, keep the gift, and let the feud end.

Post # 10
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

labubba :  if it were me, I would probably just donate the wedding gift or give it to a family member or friend who I think would like it. This way, you don’t have anything to remind you of the situation, and it won’t cause another blow up like sending it back would. I would also be the bigger person and still send her a thank you note for the gift. Just something short and sweet like “dear sil, thank you for the (gift). Sincerely, (you and your DH)”. You don’t need to mention that you’re giving it away, but you also don’t need to go on and on about how it will come in handy, etc. In this case, short and simple is fine. 

Post # 11
1134 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA

Do not fuel the fire!   Do not send it back. Do not have it credited to her card. Be the bigger person!

Post # 12
395 posts
Helper bee

I think the bigger issue, and there is still time, is repairing the relationship especially for your husband.  You didn’t say what happened – but how does the finance feel about the situation – it’s his family. 

I wouldn’t return the gift as others have said.  Give it away, store it in the basement whatever.  Send a nice thank you card/letter and move on. 


I think I see a trend on this website – people need to stop making drama! LOL.

Post # 13
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Agree with every other person, don’t do it OP! Just not necessary or wise.

Post # 14
8879 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

labubba :  “I realize that this will set us up for another round of attacks. Any suggestions?” — Yeah, don’t do it. How is this idea going to make your life better? It’s not. It’s petty and you know it, so just don’t do it.

Post # 15
381 posts
Helper bee

You know damn well this is petty. Stop it.

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